Which of these should I do when he's losing interest?

[Howdoyoudo21]

Have been dating a guy for 3 weeks, I'm very into him but unfortunately it's obvious he's doing the slow fade thing for the last week. I'm gutted as he was so attentive at the start and I'm crazy about him.
He's doing the usual, taking way longer to reply to my texts , the tone of them has changed, he hasn't made plans to meet all week.

So my question is which of these is the best thing to do?

1. Straight up ask him what's wrong and if he wants to call it a day?

1. End it for him and just basically tell him it's obvious he's losing interest and that I can't be bothered dragging it out.

1. Match his energy, don't get in touch at all. And wait to see what he does.

1. Let him act this way, act breezy and just fill my life with other stuff , if he gets in touch then I will obvs respond but in a non committal , "don't care either way", type of way? And also not be too available to him.

What I really want is for him to be interested again but I doubt that will happen.
I wish I didn't like him so much as I would just pull the plug on it now as I honestly can't be bothered with the slow death.

He's probably trying to avoid having to buy you a Christmas present. He'll very likely start to show more interest again in the new year.

3 weeks?!?
How are you crazy about someone after three weeks?!!?
You need to look at your boundaries, expectations, and relationship skills.

Nothing scares a partner away more than someone being crazy about them after 3 weeks

@Jane0Jane I get that but I have always been like this, it's in my DNA. I don't fall in love very often but when I do I fall hard and very quickly and of course end up devastated when it doesn't work out. I wish I could change my personality and I wasn't this way but I've been like this since my teens and 20 years on I'm still the same

Do you have trauma history? Could you afford some therapy? It’s such a vulnerability when you jump in fast.

@PastorCarrBonarra thank you for your wise words, I totally agree.
I have had short term flings that have ended abruptly and have been absolutely heartbroken over them and it's taken me months to get over them. I think it's because they never got off the starting blocks and I saw the potential but the other person didn't.
That's exactly what's happened with this guy, we had such a brilliant connection or so it seemed so this is a difficult pill to swallow , that he obvs didn't feel it as well.

6.Have some self respect. Tell him it’s not working for you and block.

I am sorry but if you think he’s lost interest, he has. Don’t hang desperately on, you will lose your self respect.

@ondaytwothousand I've seen him about 7 times in total

Just end it. It’s been 3 weeks!!! If he’s losing interest this early on then he just isn’t that into you.

I’m going to sound really harsh here, I know. And I genuinely don’t mean to be unkind, but I used to do this exact same thing.

You haven’t fallen in love with him. It has been three weeks; you don’t even know him.

Also, stop blaming your DNA, like it’s something you have no control over. You must take responsibility for the men you choose to allow into your life. It’s not your personality. You choose to ‘fall’ for a certain type of man because that is what is familiar and comfortable for you. It takes self awareness and courage to purposely choose a man who has his shit together, especially if you normally go for emotionally unavailable men. And if you keep picking the same sort of men, you’re going to keep on having the same sort of problems.

Bin this bloke off. Personally, I wouldn’t even bother messaging him to tell him; I’d just delete his number and move on. Give yourself 6 months with no dating and, during that time, decide what you really want. If it’s a nice, decent man who wants a proper relationship then you have to pay attention to all the red flags. You have to bin anyone who love bombs you. You have to bin anyone who talks about your future after five minutes. You have to bin anyone who has a million ‘crazy’ exes. You have to bin anyone who isn’t nice. 💐

@Nagado wow thank you for the amazing advice. I needed to hear all that. Can you be my therapist please 😂
Yes I've deleted his number so I've no way of contacting him , but what do I do if he gets in touch? Do I just ignore him and not respond to any messages?
I am planning to have a dating break after this as my heart is bruised and I need to sort myself out .

I’m so glad you took it in the way it was intended. I had to have the same said to me and it took me a couple more tries before I got it right, but I’m now married to the loveliest, best man I have ever met.

I’d block him. He’s obviously backing off so what’s the point of keeping his number in case he gives you some crumbs of attention? Read about love bombing. If this is what he has done to you, he’s not someone you want hanging about in your life.

I won’t lie, sorting your head out isn’t easy because you have to address why emotionally unavailable men are so attractive to you. And when you do meet someone nice, you have to work not to sabotage it by telling yourself he’s boring because he isn’t leaving you on tenterhooks. But those butterflies of excitement every time a no good man texts you are not actually butterflies of excitement. It’s feelings of anxiety.

"Hi Frank, nice to hear from you. No offence but I won't be seeing you again. Happy to take things slow with someone potential but at the same time I do want a certain level of interest and this just doesn't work for me. All the best".

There. Fixed it.

And DON'T block him. It's one of the worst pieces of advice given on here. You block people who harass you, if you block someone who doesn't give a shit about you you just look a twat!

Nothing

Just move on

Don’t give it another second of headspace

Ordinarily I’d agree with this, but if you have someone with a long history of being attracted to men who lovebomb then back off, just giving the odd text here and there to maintain contact in case they need a plan B, then it’s much better to block so they aren’t constantly looking at their phone, jumping every time they get a text or getting dragged back in because he’s feigned a bit of interest.

If she blocks, she knows she’s not going to hear from him and she can relax and get on with sorting her head out without being distracted. And who cares what he thinks? She’s known him five minutes. She doesn’t need to try and look cool in front of him.

@Howdoyoudo21

I agree with everything @Nagado said.

Plus, get yourself into counseling. A good counselor can help you figure out why you are picking the 'wrong' men for you and how to stop. It worked for me. Took time and a LOT of hard work and brutal self-honestly. But it was worth it. Found lovely DH and we've been married over 35 years now.

In a new relationship or when dating the more available you are and keen you seem the more he'll lose interest. You should play hard to get, then for whatever reason they will try harder to get you. Don't text him first ever. If he texts you, reply several hours later. If he wants to take you out sometimes say you are busy. Make sure when you go out together you have fun together but keep it light.

Read this and follow

It's been 3 weeks, lower your intensity. If a guy came on like that to me so soon i would be out the door so fast.

Really good advice on here. I have made every kind of mistake in this scenario but am starting to learn to value my worth and not invest too soon in a relationship. In your v case I would now go for 4 and just use it as practice for not taking crumbs. If you block you won’t learn to regulate your own response. I am in a similar situation but have resisted the temptation to block for that reason.

I'd do 3 and 4. It's not really worth a where is this going discussion after a few weeks. I'd just crack on see friends/date. And continue to see him when it suits. But if he's making you unhappy then end it.

@GreenwichOrTwicks thanks for the advice. Do you mean if I choose option 4 that it means I'm not accepting breadcrumbs?
Also not sure what you mean by regulating my response? Genuinely interested to know what you mean , I am interested in anything that can help me navigate this with as little hurt as possible.

Sorry yes I realise I want being very clear!
I have chosen not to block because when he does contact me I am non-committal and don’t engage or reach out to him. This makes me feel stronger, because each time I don’t capitulate and grab gratefully at crumbs.
For example -he texted me last week to ask if I was going to the pub carol singing as fine old friends of his are visiting and they said this like to see me. A few months ago I would have been hugely excited, got my outfit planned etc. This time it took a lot of will power, but I messaged back to say ‘ hi, thanks, have plans earlier (a lie! ) may drop in if time’. And I felt immensely empowered because so was able to resist (it was difficult). If I had just.blocked him I would have handed the power to him as he would have realised just how much had got to me. I know this may sound manipulative, but he has been an arch manipulator and has caused me a lot of pain.

@GreenwichOrTwicks thanks, I totally get that. That's one of the reasons I don't block either as I'm curious to see if they get in touch and it's also good practice for me to respond accordingly, just like you have. I only really block someone if they're harassing me or being annoying. Well done on resisting, if you did it once then you can keep doing it

Men are simple creatures. If they’re interested, they will make it obvious and if they aren’t, they will also make it obvious. Just ignore him and move on. It’s annoying but at least you only wasted a couple of weeks on him rather than months.