Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

8 year age gap

18 replies

rudolphthedeer · 14/12/2023 12:20

I have a 7 year old DD. I didn't feel ready for another for a long time so we didn't even start trying again til she was 5, and I then suffered several miscarriages. I'm currently pregnant again and if all progresses then DD will be 8 when the baby is born. We've shared the news with a few people now and the response has been overwhelmingly negative "you won't remember what you're doing!" "they won't be close, the age gap is too big" "how are you going to manage the age gap?" "you'll be so much more tired now you're older" (I'm only just 34 so hardly have one foot in the grave!!!!)

I feel very deflated now and was hoping others would have positive stories.

OP posts:

jamdan21 · 14/12/2023 12:24

My daughter was 9 when my son was born. She mothered him a lot and are now married with their own children but still the best of friends. Don't worry about the age gap OP, your friends don't know what they're talking about IMHO.

justalittlesnoel · 14/12/2023 12:25

Pretty much 7 years between me and my youngest sibling! Wasn't her biggest fan to start with as she was loud, boring and couldn't play. Warmed up slightly to her when she could play! By the time it was teenage / uni time, again a slight annoyance due to me being too cool to do anything family related. But now we're both over 21 we're really close! Do things together all of the time, spend good quality time together, do cute things, tell each other everything, basically the classic sister relationship.

Screw the age gap comment for you not coping etc, you don't somehow forget to be a good parent when your children get older. If anything you'll be even better this time around with more experience! Your friends are being unkind and unhelpful imo.

mylittleprince · 14/12/2023 12:30

Congratulations I am sure plenty of people will be along with the same experience for advice.

I think the hardest thing may be days out and holidays, as it could be difficult to find things that appeal to a 13yr old and a 5 year old however if you have a good partner you can overcome that by making sure that they both get lots of one on one time.

Will they both have their own bedroom and space?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

7 year olds Families

Crumblecakes · 14/12/2023 12:31

My kids have a 12 year age gap and I found I coped well, guidelines have changed obviously but you soon get into the swing of things. I have ages gaps ranging from 9-13 years with my siblings and we are all close, especially now they are in their early 20’s. My sister is 21 and I am 33 and we speak everyday. I speak with my brothers regularly also. Don’t worry to much about what people say!
I often wondered how I would have coped with 2 little ones at the same time, people have different perspectives!
Congratulations! Wishing you all the happiness x

Original poster

rudolphthedeer · 14/12/2023 12:32

Yes, they'll both have their own bedroom, our house has 4 bedrooms.

OP posts:

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 14/12/2023 12:32

One of my parents had a 7 year age gap between them and their sibling. They were the best of friends as adults. Take no notice. I think people are being really rude.

Also I have just had my 2nd at almost 37 and I feel fine in terms of energy levels x

reluctantbrit · 14/12/2023 12:34

I have an 8 year age gap with my sister and I think we never really klicked. By the time I was 10 she moved out, never really stayed at our house apart from the odd long weekend.

We are also very different personality wise so that didn't help.

But, it's nothing you can change and you can only try the best to make it work.

Friends had a surprise baby when the oldest was 8 and the girls are really close, so I see that my experience is not the norm.

mindutopia · 14/12/2023 12:37

I think you'll be absolutely fine. I have a 5 year age gap, which I understand is not the same as 8 years, but I think 8 years would make it easier rather than more difficult. Actually, I have a very visceral reaction to people saying they are having children close together as personally I think it's more difficult. The advantage of two further apart is that you get dedicated one-on-one time with each of them when small, if your older one is a bit more independent by the time you have a second. My older one was in primary school and it meant that I got all day every day to do baby and toddler things without having to balance the needs of two small children.

An 8 year old will actually be able to help with practical things and more importantly, to do things for themselves - get a snack, get a drink, get up and make themselves a breakfast and watch tv to allow you and baby to sleep a bit longer, they can also understand that baby's needs may need to come first. The flip side of that is that they may have bigger emotions about it all than a toddler would and you will have to manage that gently. But I think there are real advantages to having a bigger age gap. I certainly have no regrets and haven't seen any downsides in my own experience. If anything - mine are now early primary and late primary age - probably having them even further apart would have helped, because only 5 years difference means they still fight like cats and dogs! But that wouldn't so much be the case with an 8 year age gap.

PepsiMaxLime · 14/12/2023 12:50

8 years between my two & it’s fab, take no notice OP

toddlermam · 14/12/2023 12:55

I have a little brother who's 7 years younger than me, AND a little sister who is 14 years younger than me! I love them so much my heart could burst. We had great memories growing up, had so much fun on holidays together, loved experiencing all the 'firsts' of my siblings. They both say I'm like a 2nd mother to them.

My little brother is 18 now and he still shares his location with me so I don't worry if he doesn't get in touch after he's been clubbing haha.

Funnily enough, the sibling I'm least close to is my brother who's just 1 year older than me!

Don't listen to others OP, your siblings will form their own bonds based on their own personalities. Always try and include them with one another, encourage time together that they'll both enjoy (plenty of theme parks etc that cater to older and younger kids, for example) but also know that they'll be stages in their life that they will spend a lot of time apart.

It's a big age gap for children, but adults not so much. Having children isn't just about having small babies/kids. It's such a tiny part of their lives. You have to think how they'll have eachother for years to come in adulthood

Congratulations 🤍

Iateallllllthepies · 14/12/2023 12:55

My children are age 21, 10 and 3.

They all adore each other, it’s wonderful. The 21
and 3 year old are actually really similar personality wise and have a lovely relationship.

I’ve heard it all about big age gaps, it got very boring during my second pregnancy.

Original poster

rudolphthedeer · 14/12/2023 13:07

thank you, this has all made me feel much better!

I knew from day 1 there was no way I wanted a small age gap, that was partly why I had DS when I was as young as I was, so there was no age related pressure to have a second quickly. But apparently now at 34 I am ancient!

OP posts:

Lilac24 · 15/04/2024 17:58

Hi @rudolphthedeer, I’m also 34 and currently 10 weeks pregnant with dc2. Our son will be 8 when the baby is born. How are you feeling about everything now? I’m worrying a bit about the age gap but hopefully everything will be fine x

Nannyfannybanny · 15/04/2024 18:06

My DKs are DD 53,DS 47,DS 41, DD 32, last one second marriage. All get on fine,look out for each other. Oldest DD who was 21 when youngest DD was born had a baby the following year. I got rude comments with the older 3, even from complete strangers. We lived in a small caravan till she was 5, no way we could fit in any more kids.

PepsiMaxLime · 15/04/2024 19:04

@Lilac24 I have the same gap & it’s wonderful… you’ll be absolutely fine. Congratulations!

Lilac24 · 15/04/2024 21:04

Thank you both for such reassuring messages 💐

JennyfromtheBlok · 15/04/2024 21:09

Mine are 15, 12 and 3.

Its the most amazing thing seeing your older ones doing things like reading to the youngest. And cuddling her, carrying her around. It’s really brought out something special in the other 2.

Also they both do things I reckon they would find ‘un-cool’ at their ages if it wasn’t for her! Making dens, playing games etc…

Ita lovely. The hardest thing is finding an activity every one likes. But to be honest most weekends we just go out for walks, although trampoline park is a hit with whole family 🥰Obviously the older 2 get to do things with me or their dad away from
the youngest. I believe this is really important.

UndecidedAboutEverything · 15/04/2024 21:22

I have a similar age gap and I have very few regrets. There’s six years between me and my db so I know how it feels growing up with an age gap too. My dc1 was more upset about the fact dc2 was a boy than about the age gap.

Id recommend being careful you don’t assume dc1 will be constantly helping you with dc2. Your dc1 should still get a chance to be a kid.

Days out and holidays can be a bit challenging but we find our youngest has grown up quickly so we can eat out T interesting restaurants, or go hiking, or go to theme parks and museums, or laze on a beach or by a pool. We all like board games and Dc1 stayed interested in playgrounds and trampolines way longer than she otherwise would have done. She also enjoys some activities that little kids can do, like swimming, paddle boarding, bouldering and cycling.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread