Feel like giving up

[Xmummy2X]

Good evening all

Im sorry its going to be long post so if you get to the end thank you

So i have been full time carer to my special needs child trying to fight his every corner and had the support of my beautiful mum all the way aswell as mental and physical disabilities so on pip but sadly lost my beautiful & only friend my mum October 21st was with her till the end only 57 and been struggling ever since and not wanting to carry on and questioning this every single day feel useless now

How do i carry on with no help or support from anyone now feel i letting every one down

Im currently in privately rented property aswell which is affecting mental health as never want to be homeless i also don't want to be on pip forever but with no at home jobs i dont see this ever going my way im good person and do anything for anyone and big worrier also

I just want to make everyone proud and not live like this forever please tell me im not alone

Thank you so much for reading

One step at a time op, that’s the only way it can be done, you’ve been through such a tough time. If you’re okay at the moment with where you’re living, try to not have that as one of your worries. No help but hopefully someone can help, don’t worry about making people proud, you’re doing great

You are not useless. You've done an amazing job caring for and championing on behalf of your child.

I think the previous poster is right about one day at at time. Focus on getting through today. All the little achievements you make each day, add up over time.

You will get there. Big hug xxx

One day at a time and one thing at a time.

What support do you have in RL? Have you told your GP or other support that you aren't coping? Do you have any respite care?

That all sounds so hard OP
Can you get any counselling? Do you attend any support groups as a parent carer?
I think there are parts of our lives where our only goal has to be to keep putting one foot in front of each other and make it through. There will be times to make yourself and others proud down the line, right now it is just about getting through the day. Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself the time you need to grieve

Thank you for replying means a lot its just so hard i feel empty 😢

@Sunshineandrainbows23 thank you for your response means a lot

Im just trying to make it through the day at the moment feel so empty like got nothing left deflated

First Christmas without my mum aswell she was the best at Christmas

Big hugs much needed thank you and for your time xxxx

@MintJulia thank you your right one day at time

Without my mum just everything seems so sad she made everything better

No support at all not even for son as nhs services funding 😕 told gp she going to try and get councilling but list is long

Thank you for your reply x x x

@Deliasdelilahs im trying to get councilling the list is really long but at least its something i keep torturing myself how i couldn't help or save my mum and let her die 😢😢 i know i couldn't of changed anything

Your right just one foot in front of the other and one day at time i will try and be kind to myself thank you for response and time

Xxxxxx

I lost my Mum two years ago. I understand that can be devastating. Since then, I've had numerous battles with health, including multiple disabilities and a rare cancer that has needed treating with operations and tablets. This year has been a terrible one where my son was diagnosed as ADHD, I had to put the dog to sleep, DVLA have stopped me driving due to ill-health, I have had two painful operations with long term consequences, I am having cancer investigated in other places now and it has been a constant battle to keep on top of the house, the admin, work etc. I have a child at home with autism and managing her home education while I am unwell is very difficult. You are correct about lack of services for kids with SEN. My point to you is that life can be a right trier sometimes. Rather than looking back over what has happened, try to focus on the future and what you would like to do, and what you want to change. That could mean having a new hobby etc or seeing a therapist to talk through what has happened. You can self refer to a therapist in many areas now, or through charities such as carers, parents of SEN children, health conditions, mind etc. I hope 2024 is a better year for you.

You are welcome for the hug. It sounds like you could really use one right now. Please don't beat yourself up over your mum. She will have known how much you did for her. I've felt the same when loved ones have been very ill and passed away - beat myself up that I could have done more for months. We all just do the best we can with what we have and the information there is and it's clear from your post you loved your mum so much. She left knowing this. ❤

Christmas is always really tough when you are recently bereaved and the firsts of everything are so tough. I can understand why you feel empty inside.

I know health services are shocking right now. I just wondered whether this organisation called Cruse might be able to help. They specialise in bereavement. A friend of mine got support from them after her mum died. I wondered if it might help?

Be kind to yourself. Make sure you dedicate a little bit of time each day doing something nice for yourself, whether it's a hot drink watching trashy tv under a blanket, with a hot water bottle which feels a bit like a hug, or a hot bath with smellies. You deserve this time and I'm sure your mum would want you to have this ... You deserve it for everything you've done. I know there are no easy fixes but you are doing brilliantly. Just remember this intensity won't last. You just have to do today and one day the sun will come out again.

And here's another hug. We can't get too many of those :) 🌺

Get support - Cruse Bereavement Support