Asd child says he wants to kill people

Beginningoftheend23 · 2023-12-13T18:41:07+00:00

My son is 8 he has asd. He often talks about how he's going to kill people. He always has a blank face when he says it. I say things like that's not nice everyone would be sad. Other times I have said he would go to prison. Other times ignore and change the subject . I was just wondering if its a common thing for asd children to say inappropriate things like this . I know not all asd children would say things like that but im just wondering if it could be an asd thing for some children .

Wolfpa · 13/12/2023 18:46

Do they understand what they are saying? Children will often repeat things as a way of getting attention.

MintJulia · 13/12/2023 18:47

That sounds fairly normal to me. I'm ASD and planned to kill my df at one point. I was about 7.
Do you know why he is angry with them? Can you help him to manage the relationship better?
Just keep an eye, don't make a fuss, just keep doing what you are doing.

My dm used to say to me 'well, we could do that but why don't we go for a swim or an ice cream instead. Much more fun' and diffuse the situation that way. Your dc will eventually learn to copy you.

Original poster

Beginningoftheend23 · 13/12/2023 18:57

MintJulia · 13/12/2023 18:47

That sounds fairly normal to me. I'm ASD and planned to kill my df at one point. I was about 7.
Do you know why he is angry with them? Can you help him to manage the relationship better?
Just keep an eye, don't make a fuss, just keep doing what you are doing.

My dm used to say to me 'well, we could do that but why don't we go for a swim or an ice cream instead. Much more fun' and diffuse the situation that way. Your dc will eventually learn to copy you.

Hes not angry at all. He just randomly says it . It comes across like dry humour but his face is blank

OP posts:

ValBiro · 13/12/2023 18:59

Ahh op, don't stress, I have some pretty wild internal thoughts that I wouldn't say out loud other than to my husband, perhaps. My 9 year old ASD son on the other hand... He'll just come right out and say it.

He was also obsessed with war and air raid sirens for a time, it was a specific and macabre obsession but it passed.

Original poster

Beginningoftheend23 · 13/12/2023 21:55

ValBiro · 13/12/2023 18:59

Ahh op, don't stress, I have some pretty wild internal thoughts that I wouldn't say out loud other than to my husband, perhaps. My 9 year old ASD son on the other hand... He'll just come right out and say it.

He was also obsessed with war and air raid sirens for a time, it was a specific and macabre obsession but it passed.

Thank you . I mainly think that. I don't think he knows the true deep meaning of what he's saying .

OP posts:

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 13/12/2023 22:24

MintJulia · 13/12/2023 18:47

That sounds fairly normal to me. I'm ASD and planned to kill my df at one point. I was about 7.
Do you know why he is angry with them? Can you help him to manage the relationship better?
Just keep an eye, don't make a fuss, just keep doing what you are doing.

My dm used to say to me 'well, we could do that but why don't we go for a swim or an ice cream instead. Much more fun' and diffuse the situation that way. Your dc will eventually learn to copy you.

I think your Mum sounds fabulous!

FrancisSeaton · 13/12/2023 22:40

ValBiro · 13/12/2023 18:59

Ahh op, don't stress, I have some pretty wild internal thoughts that I wouldn't say out loud other than to my husband, perhaps. My 9 year old ASD son on the other hand... He'll just come right out and say it.

He was also obsessed with war and air raid sirens for a time, it was a specific and macabre obsession but it passed.

Sounds very much like my son
He likes to dig his own trenches to bury the dead ffs

FrancisSeaton · 13/12/2023 22:42

Oh and when he was about four just sat looking outside and a bird lands in the garden- 'I'd like to get the scissors and cut that birds wing off'

ValBiro · 13/12/2023 23:48

@FrancisSeaton written down it's funny, but the initial shock probably wasn't!

Yes luckily that particular interest passed and we are now onto chicks and ducks which is definitely much more palatable!

The air raid sirens... It wasn't a good time for him as he was in an unsupportive mainstream school, so I think the trauma he was dealing with played into the scope of his "special interests" at that time.

We all have weird, random intrusive thoughts sometimes though right? That we'd never act on... "Imagine if I jumped off the bridge right now?" "Imagine if I poured the boiling water on my hand?" "I want to run that man over!" Perhaps it's healthier that our ASD children are able to say these things out loud, rather than having frightening intrusive thoughts that they are too scared to talk about? I don't know, that's only just occured to me right now but thinking about it, it's not a bad theory...

alwaysscared · 14/12/2023 00:30

My son says things like this, he's 10 and has ASD. It shocked me at first, but talking to his CAMHS worker (he has mental health problems too) she said it was pretty normal.

Swishyfishy · 14/12/2023 06:09

It could be something or nothing. Could be to get a reaction or a passing light hearted fixation or a worrying fixation with intent.

Have you asked him why he wants to kill people? If he seems intent ask more questions .. Do his friends want to kill people? Do you play pretend games killing people at school? How? Where? What would be the consequences? How would the persons family feel?

It’s unlikely he’s serious but there’s always one who is. Best look at his general behaviour. What’s he like with animals? Has he shown cruelty?

secondly where has he got this from? Is he playing violent computer games? Is his friend war obsessed? do you need to make changes to what he’s exposed to?

cerisepanther73 · 14/12/2023 06:39

@Swishyfishy

I agree with you too,
Good thought provoking mumsnet post 📫 your one was too.

I think 🤔 it's pretty normal thing for your autustic son to think feel like this, especially in life whenever you come across Arseholes type of people in life, 😂
the type of people after having the misfortune to come across them in the first place,!
you suddenly get understand why some people prefer their pets or animals and one day would like to volunteer in an animals sanctuary centre charity,
I don't even think you have to be autustic to feel/ think like this either....

Original poster

Beginningoftheend23 · 14/12/2023 07:07

Swishyfishy · 14/12/2023 06:09

It could be something or nothing. Could be to get a reaction or a passing light hearted fixation or a worrying fixation with intent.

Have you asked him why he wants to kill people? If he seems intent ask more questions .. Do his friends want to kill people? Do you play pretend games killing people at school? How? Where? What would be the consequences? How would the persons family feel?

It’s unlikely he’s serious but there’s always one who is. Best look at his general behaviour. What’s he like with animals? Has he shown cruelty?

secondly where has he got this from? Is he playing violent computer games? Is his friend war obsessed? do you need to make changes to what he’s exposed to?

In general he has a lovely heart. He's always saying I love you 20+ times a day. Always telling his siblings he loves them . Hecslwaus snuggles up to me or his siblings. He's good with our pets to.

He's been saying this stuff for about 3 years. I can't guarantee he's not seen something on TV or heard something somewhere

OP posts:

stayathomer · 14/12/2023 07:12

I remember listening to my son (about 7 at the time), talking to a little girl about death and killing and the girl he was with said ‘I think that too, my mammy tells me not to talk about death though, because everyone wants to live.’ Then they just started talking about something else! I was standing there for ages with my jaw on the ground!! Op probably fine, obviously talk to someone irl about it if you feel you need to but yes, we have had to say the same thing you do at times x

MrsFloof · 14/12/2023 07:17

I have an asd boy though older at 16, has never said anything like this and I would be concerned if he had. It implies he feels very isolated and annoyed by people and there may be a problem somewhere, maybe school. Though it could just be a game they play at school like mine used to play this cops and robbers game at school at that age. I would question him a bit more to see if can gain any insight. Mine was unbothered by people dying just said it happens all the time and never liked them anyway. The speaking their own mind is normal. I don't think the thought is more than an intrusive thought but it's what's triggering this.

FluffyUnicorn84 · 14/12/2023 07:18

Beginningoftheend23 · 14/12/2023 07:07

In general he has a lovely heart. He's always saying I love you 20+ times a day. Always telling his siblings he loves them . Hecslwaus snuggles up to me or his siblings. He's good with our pets to.

He's been saying this stuff for about 3 years. I can't guarantee he's not seen something on TV or heard something somewhere

Show quote history

Just wondering, is it I want to kill XXY person or is it I just generally want to kill somebody?

Op tbh it doesn't sound too unusual even my nt DD used to say things like that at this age!

MrsFloof · 14/12/2023 07:23

I do remember a girl around that age who would say things like all my family were killed in a fire this morning. Her parents got divorced not long after and I don't know if she had picked up on that but sounded to me like the girl needed support.

Original poster

Beginningoftheend23 · 14/12/2023 07:40

FluffyUnicorn84 · 14/12/2023 07:18

Just wondering, is it I want to kill XXY person or is it I just generally want to kill somebody?

Op tbh it doesn't sound too unusual even my nt DD used to say things like that at this age!

Show quote history

Yesterday he was telling us he was going to kill us all one by one and that his older siblings was going to be last . Then he went on to say dd was going to die when she's 22 . But she's actually 26. Then he changed his mind and said she's going to die at 84 and I'm going to die at 85 . So I don't think he really knows what he's talking about.

OP posts:

Vera7403 · 14/12/2023 13:15

My grandson used to say this a lot because he was so unhappy in school. It was a SEN school but his autism sensory needs that were continually bombarded into overload. It developed about 7- 8 years old. Once we removed him from the environment he calmed down, we got him expression cards to show how he was feeling. He has developed away from school into a better person as his autism is not continually triggered. He has an EHCP for EOTAS package now, (Took 2 years on an appeal). He has learnt to smile more and joke, we do not hear the im going to kill someone anymore it was a phase of him trying to express how unhappy he was but he knew no other way. Some autistic children struggle more than others in school environments, SEN or not. If you home school you pay for it hence the EOTAS was our best way to help his sensory needs.

Choconuttolata · 14/12/2023 13:27

DS, age 9 who is autistic is very much like this at the moment, it is usually linked to strong emotion, typically anger about something someone has done or a situation that is making him unhappy. It is his way of expressing that anger/upset rather than something he actually wants to do. He doesn't truly understand the ramifications of what he is saying, nor does he want to enact it. I wonder whether he initially heard other children saying it to each other or watched something on a cartoon.

Currently he is struggling at school and keeps coming out of school saying he wants it to explode the school because he hates it. We normally distract him with something positive and calm him down then later when he is calm try to talk about what is making him sad, angry or upset. When he is distressed he struggles to articulate what is wrong.

FrancisSeaton · 14/12/2023 23:00

ValBiro · 13/12/2023 23:48

@FrancisSeaton written down it's funny, but the initial shock probably wasn't!

Yes luckily that particular interest passed and we are now onto chicks and ducks which is definitely much more palatable!

The air raid sirens... It wasn't a good time for him as he was in an unsupportive mainstream school, so I think the trauma he was dealing with played into the scope of his "special interests" at that time.

We all have weird, random intrusive thoughts sometimes though right? That we'd never act on... "Imagine if I jumped off the bridge right now?" "Imagine if I poured the boiling water on my hand?" "I want to run that man over!" Perhaps it's healthier that our ASD children are able to say these things out loud, rather than having frightening intrusive thoughts that they are too scared to talk about? I don't know, that's only just occured to me right now but thinking about it, it's not a bad theory...

Oh definitely and because they just don't link it to emotions and grasp how awful what they say sounds to them it's just expressing something that pops into their mind