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Original poster

Friends fiance conned us - say nothing?

27 replies

Sawa75 · 13/12/2023 12:27

Good friends fiance is a plumber. They seem short of money, have a mortgage and paying for upcoming wedding, no kids yet.

Fiance did work for us last week, charged top rate ( no mates rates and tax free), fair enough, but we now realise that he overcharged us by 3-4 for materials. Prob by 150.

We paid in full. A couple of further messages asking for small amounts of money over the weekend as he said he gave it all to fiance (my friend) make us suspect hes gambling. He deleted one of the messages seeking money and said the other was for his fiance, sent by mistake.

I'm feeling annoyed and betrayed. We might get some back as one of the products wasn't used - we cut him off as soon as we realised and asked for money back for that. We haven't confronted him though.

I don't think I should tell my friend as she must know what he's like and this would only hurt her. She def has been worried about money recently, she talks about money alot. I feel she has a hard road ahead of her with him but she must know what he's like. She's 34 and she's been with him 7 years and they're getting married next year.

Another point is that we will be socialising with them as part of a bigger group over Christmas, so it's very awkward.

Welcome other opinions 🙂

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 13/12/2023 12:29

Ask for an itemised receipt for your filing then ask him why you’ve been mischarged. I don’t know why you wouldn’t.

Tinkerbyebye · 13/12/2023 12:30

If you have stuff you can return I would do that and not take it any further this time if you value the friendship

but I would not be using him again either

Dartmoorcheffy · 13/12/2023 12:30

Most tradesmen mark up prices. Its standard practice. Otherwise you should get the materials yourself and just be charged labour costs.

Did you agree a price upfront that you were happy with?

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Relationship problems
CalistoNoSolo · 13/12/2023 12:31

And this is why I don't use friends or friends of friends to do work on my house or car.

PinkDeer · 13/12/2023 12:32

I think you should tell her. A friend of mines ex husband was also a plumber and he was the same. He ripped off another friend of mine and charged her for parts that he didn’t use. She’s now split up from him and with someone else but she was very sweet and I doubt she knew he was ripping people off.

IndecentFeminist · 13/12/2023 12:33

How are you defining overcharged?

roses2 · 13/12/2023 12:33

overcharged us by 3-4 for materials

Do you mean you paid 3/4x the actual material cost? Most plumbers I've come across do this for small parts.

If he's done the work and you've paid up I would leave it and only say something if your friend asks.

DaftFlerken · 13/12/2023 12:35

most tradesmen do mark up supplies slightly which covers the time spent travelling to & from their suppliers & working out what is needed on the job

User2346522 · 13/12/2023 12:38

A materials markup is very hard to define as a scam. Virtually every industry does it and it varies hugely amongst traders. Someone making jewellery is not going to charge you their cost price for pearls or diamonds. A wedding trader is going to add a huge markup for balloons and decoration. You'll probably get a heart attack if you knew what markups dentists charge.

This guy does sound a bit dodgy and in desperate need of money. You should just cut your losses and consider the extra money a lesson learned rather than having been conned. Don't mention it to your friend or to others over the holidays. Definitely don't bring it up as a potential bigger issue because she's definitely not going to call off the wedding because he overcharged you by 150. It can only end badly on a personal level so best keep quiet and forget about it.

Original poster
Sawa75 · 13/12/2023 12:39

He told us he would pick up the materials at the supplier and they cost x altogether at suppliers - no mention of mark up. And labour was extra and that was a fair price and not cheap.

Then the problem was not resolved and he said we need more of a product and it cost 102 and to send it on as he was at the suppliers. We then find out its 25-30 but max 40. It was never explained that he gets labour costs and a 300-400% mark up. We trusted him as the future husband of a good friend of mine. Why wouldn't we. The desperate messages after made us question costs.

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 13/12/2023 12:40

Did he do the job you asked him to do at the price he said it would cost?

That's the only issue here.

Original poster
Sawa75 · 13/12/2023 12:42

He gave us the materials cost which was incorrect and the labour cost only after he was done. And no the problem is still there but that's not his fault, he tried to fix it, the problem is he lied about the material cost

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 13/12/2023 12:42

paying a markup on supplies is normal.

asking for more money after the bill is paid is not. If your friend has not had children with this man, then she could still exit cleanly. It would be worth mentioning. If she is already linked to him regardless of marriage, then it probably isn’t enough to say something over.

ANightingale · 13/12/2023 12:43

I don't think you should do anything about money already paid - that horse has bolted.

I do think you should talk about this to your friend, as he is her fiancé - if he is a gambler and/or dishonest with money, she should know this before she marries him. Hard to broach but perhaps start with 'I received some strange messages from John last weekend and I wondered if everything was OK?'

Week54 · 13/12/2023 12:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Sawa75 · 13/12/2023 12:58

We weren't expecting mates rates of course, but he said this was the cost price at suppliers, in fact he wanted us to pay 102 in order to get the second product a few days after (which he was going to come back to put in) as he had given the gf all his money. He wasn't truthful with this bit at all.

I was fine with it being the cost until he slipped up by asking for small amounts afterwards and now I don't trust anything he said.

But yeah not going to say anything and defo a lesson for us.

OP posts:
Sunshineboo · 13/12/2023 13:00

but the costs should include his time
and expenses locating them, collecting them etc you will not be charged cost.

this is quite standard. if you have your i phone fixed the parts cost pennies, the staff time costs pounds then you pay a mark up with covers premises and profit.

in my experience people (including me - I used to until someone talked me through it) expect trades people to provide stuff at cost and charge themselves at a similar hourly rate as what you would get in a job. but their rate has to include holiday pay, taxes, travel etc

i would see if you can get a rough quote from someone else - hopefully it will be there or thereabouts and you can relax knowing that you not been screwed.

the messaging you for money... i would tell your friend in a "oh how funny x texted me instead of you asking for £100" type way

ActDottie · 13/12/2023 13:03

If you can afford to do so I’d write it off as experience to keep the peace and make a note not to use him again.

Original poster
Sawa75 · 13/12/2023 13:03

Sunshineboo · 13/12/2023 13:00

but the costs should include his time
and expenses locating them, collecting them etc you will not be charged cost.

this is quite standard. if you have your i phone fixed the parts cost pennies, the staff time costs pounds then you pay a mark up with covers premises and profit.

in my experience people (including me - I used to until someone talked me through it) expect trades people to provide stuff at cost and charge themselves at a similar hourly rate as what you would get in a job. but their rate has to include holiday pay, taxes, travel etc

i would see if you can get a rough quote from someone else - hopefully it will be there or thereabouts and you can relax knowing that you not been screwed.

the messaging you for money... i would tell your friend in a "oh how funny x texted me instead of you asking for £100" type way

I agree with all this but he is employed by a company and this was defo a nixer. He made out like he was doing us a favour by picking this stuff up while he was at suppliers anyway.
He seems to be out of work at the moment though and personal issues...

Anyway lesson learned!

OP posts:
Sunshineboo · 13/12/2023 13:06

in that case - piss take!

honestly don't mix business with pleasure is one of those sayings i live by! horrid when people let you down

Lindy2 · 13/12/2023 13:38

A mark up on materials is normal. We get parts at a wholesale price but spend time sourcing, ordering and collecting the parts. We do a 30% - 40% mark up to cover our time.

Often though the wholesale item still ends in being the same price as the B&Q option but a lot better quality.

A 300% - 400% item mark up is high but it does depend on the item price. £40 for a £10 part = not that big a deal. £400 for a £100 item = rather pricey.

Are you comparing like for like on the parts? Did he do a good job? Definitely ask for a refund on the unused parts.

If you're not happy use someone else in the future. Using friends or family often can lead to some awkward situations. The trades person still has to earn a wage despite being a friend or relative.

pillof · 13/12/2023 13:42

Sounds like a communication failure between you.

I also have a skill that other people value, but I never, ever do paid work for friends and family. I will happily help them for free, so long as the work is quick and simple. If it's going to take more than a few hours, I simply say I haven't the capacity.

WallaceinAnderland · 13/12/2023 14:18

He gave us the materials cost which was incorrect and the labour cost only after he was done.

Whether he is a friend of a friend or not, you have gone about this the wrong way.

No matter who is doing the work, you should agree a quote (not an estimate) before the job starts. The tradesperson should find out the cost of materials in advance and include this in the quote. You should know how much they charge for their time and how many hours labour they are quoting for.

Only then do you agree for the work to start. If they need more materials, they should again provide the costs before going ahead. You should not pay until you have seen receipts for materials used. You should not pay for any materials not used which can be returned.

Next time, if you follow these rules, you are less likely to get yourself into the sort of pickle you are in now.

DaftFlerken · 13/12/2023 14:26

hey?? so is he employed by a company or is he unemployed? i'm confused

AlisonDonut · 13/12/2023 14:41

Sawa75 · 13/12/2023 12:42

He gave us the materials cost which was incorrect and the labour cost only after he was done. And no the problem is still there but that's not his fault, he tried to fix it, the problem is he lied about the material cost

It wasn't incorrect. It was what he charged you for the items.

If you wanted them at cost, then you should have bought them yourself.