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Original poster

Family Christmas present drama… how do I deal with this situation?

13 replies

Feelingcrappy2 · 12/12/2023 22:21

I just need some honest advice really.

I have 4 nephews who I hardly ever see (I have seen them twice throughout 2023, once for all but an hour and the second time around 2 hours). So like I said, hardly at all!

I don’t know them, I know quite literally nothing about them as we are just not close (not by choice but they live far away).

Any way, I’ve always bought presents for them at Christmas but this year I just can’t see any point. I know this sounds awful but there’s 4 of them (which gets pricey) and yes they are my nephews but……….. I don’t know them and never see them! It just seems a bit like i’m doing it because I have to, not because I particularly want to.

Any way, they’ve apparently bought for my kids so now I feel obligated. However I won’t be seeing them at all over Christmas and probably not soon after, so I was thinking of leaving it in hope that they just won’t bother next year. I feel like someone has to be the first to stop it, but then again other relatives feel I’m being unreasonable.

OP posts:

FirstFallopians · 12/12/2023 22:24

Put a tenner in a card each, and have a word with their parents next summer saying “cost of living, everyone’s being more frugal, let’s knock the present exchanges on the head.”

OwOwHolyCow · 12/12/2023 22:25

I have 3 DN I never see. Personally I would always send them b.day & Christmas money. I would hate them to think they were unimportant to me because they don’t live near, but you are perfect entitled to say ‘ I’m not doing gifts anymore’.

Floralnomad · 12/12/2023 22:28

You can’t just accept gifts and give nothing back with the hope that they ‘get the message’ , just speak to them and say that from this Christmas you won’t be doing gifts so would rather they didn’t buy for yours .

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senua · 12/12/2023 22:29

Can you buy one present between all four of them. Or, even, the whole family?

minipie · 12/12/2023 22:32

I think there is an option whereby your sibling buys a present for their own children which they label “love from auntie Feeling”. And you do the same for your children, and label it “love from uncle Feeling’s Sibling”.

That way the children all maintain the illusion of an aunt or uncle getting them something (which is quite nice if the kids are young still) but nobody has to pick out a present for kids they don’t know. And of course any spending disparities don’t matter because everyone is spending on their own child.

If the kids are 10+ however I’d say just knock the whole thing on the head. But do it openly, not by just not reciprocating and hoping they get the message.

daisydalrymple · 12/12/2023 22:36

My SIL lives 5 hours away. She has 1 dd, we have 3 dc. So after dc3 was born, I told her to buy a gift for her dd, and I’d buy for our 3, and we both send each other the tags the dc have written to each other to stick on the gifts. Much fairer then she’s not buying 3 gifts to our 1, avoids postage costs and we get what the dc would like.

Curlywurlycaz2 · 12/12/2023 22:38

Send them an Amazon gift card for a tenner each.

determinedtomakethiswork · 12/12/2023 22:47

Amazon gift cards are only okay if they don't have to pay for postage

SmokySilverShine · 12/12/2023 22:49

Curlywurlycaz2 · 12/12/2023 22:38

Send them an Amazon gift card for a tenner each.

Honestly this is nice.
I had a small family, not may relatives, father who died young, any gift was really appreciated.
You do get used to not getting much, but something is always appreciated, if you can afford it, that is .

SleepingStandingUp · 12/12/2023 22:50

How old are they and yours? I ask cos there's a thing if you're are 18 and always been brought for and your nephews are 2-5 and NOW you're bored of it.

Do you and sibling not have a relationship? I find it really sad that you're just ok with them being strangers because it would take effort you don't want to waste to know them

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/12/2023 23:05

FirstFallopians · 12/12/2023 22:24

Put a tenner in a card each, and have a word with their parents next summer saying “cost of living, everyone’s being more frugal, let’s knock the present exchanges on the head.”

This

Alwaysanotherwine · 12/12/2023 23:09

i have step neices and nephews i’ve never met but still buy cos they are part of my family via marriage and i buy my nephew who shares their dad

i’ll likely never meet them as they live with their mum and their dad and my sister live far away - but i still get £10 vouchers

lf4 · 12/12/2023 23:57

You could make a New Year's resolution to get to know them more. Take an interest in their lives, let the kids (cousins I take it?) FaceTime and maybe try and meet up at least one weekend a year.

There's a lot to be said for having family and making the effort to keep them in your life. Then the gifts won't feel like a chore. The kids could help choose next year once they get to know their cousins more.

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