My mum can't cook

[LylaLee]

My mum grew up with older sisters & never learnt. We lived in various countries with domestic help, so she never cooked when we were growing up.

We are back in the UK now. Can't afford that kind of help now. Restaurants two or three times a year.

I'm glad to visit and spend time with her but I dread the thought of eating what she cooks. We both can't really afford takeaway. A few times I have cooked but I have several hours driving to get to her so if I then started cooking too the day would be too long and I'd be driving in the dark.

Everything is over boiled and salty. Boiled chicken, no spices, just salt, cabbage and boiled potatoes. For some reason she adds oil to everything. Rice, carrots, sweetcorn. I've shared a few slow cooker recipes and even bought her an air fryer, but she never uses it. My younger sister (in her 30s) cooks like this too.

The thread is just a vent.

Poor thing! Maybe do some meal prep ahead of time, freeze it, then bring it with you and just reheat. Tell her you don't want her to have to cook, so you're doing her a favor.

Could she prep food, eg chop things, peel things etc and have all that ready for you to start cooking when you get there?

Sounds like it’s something she has no interest in learning.

When you visit, can you cook in advance and just reheat at your mum’s ? Just so you can eat decent food when you are there?

i get it, it’s depressing driving for hours to start cooking or to eat rubbish.

Bring something you can warm up in her oven if you really can’t bear whatever it is she rustles up when you visit?

How can anyone be that bad at cooking ? What about suggesting hello fresh or similar ?
Surely anyone can shove frozen food in an air fryer or get ready meals . ??

I'm not that organised.

I have done it once and she said that she had already cooked and that I should take what I brought home for my lunch...

Could you suggest jacket potatoes next time? Say you've been craving them recently. No one can mess those up.

Hello fresh is 'a waste of money and too posh.'

I really don't know where the oil thing came from. Maybe like how you put oil on a salad. But she'll do it to potatoes, broccoli etc.

I think she's just set in her ways and doesn't want to change how she does things.

Eating nice,. tasty food is a special treat in her view, it seems. Not something you can have daily.

She doesn't like jacket potatoes. 'Potatoes someone was too lazy to peel.'

Oh well, she can’t cook, you’re not organised enough to cook something yourself in advance because you can’t possibly cope with one of her unbearably crap meals occasionally…
it’s a real tragedy.

My mum couldn't cook either. It was a timing thing mostly. Everything was either burnt or raw.

I used to offer to bring fish & chips with me in her later years 😂.

She hasn’t starved to death so don’t worry about her.
For yourself you can be firm and say ‘ I’ll make myself beans/eggs on toast thanks mum, I can’t face a big meal after such a long day’.
Rinse and repeat, she doesn’t have to change her weird eating habits , and neither do you have to consume her horrible food.
You could expend a vast amount of worry and headspace over this and achieve precisely nothing. So drop the rope and don’t bother.

Would she be happy to receive a cookbook for Christmas?? 😁

My mum is similar, though she's been cooking for a family for decades. She does things that to me seem like ruining food e.g. putting salt in sweetcorn, adding yet more oil to readymade pesto (??), and overcooking most things.

I think some people just aren't that interested in food so they don't really realise.

It's not like I make gourmet meals every night, but teaching myself to cook through recipes has given me a decent foundation I think.

Sorry, I've got no advice that hasn't already been mentioned!

I've given her recipe books before. Ignored.

YouTube instructionals are treated like watching masterchef: too fancy for mortals to attempt.

I think she just has it in her mind that nice food is made by people you pay, either at restaurants or at home. You doing it yourself and making something delicious is like trying to make a pair of shoes or something. Possible, but not for most people.

Maybe she likes her food that way? Otherwise she would try some different recipes. I can understand you don't like it when you visit. Maybe bring a meal that can be reheated.

Her feelings get hurt if you don't eat it.

And she goes to a lot of effort but without a good result. Like, for some reason, making chips from scratch. An hour of peeling (with a knife, not peeler, so takes ages), chopping and frying. At the end, a plate of pale, soggy, oily chips.

Warn her in advance, you will not be wanting a meal and are going to have something on toast that you will make yourself. It’s ok if her feelings are hurt, you can acknowledge that, ‘I know you like to cook for me mum, but I can’t manage a whole meal.’ She sounds very set in her ways and not at all bothered at hurting your feelings. Push back gently but firmly.

What culture is she from? What would main meals cooked by staff be?

She may of course be happy doing what she does, but maybe you could make pasta or something quick?

I don't use Hello Fresh, but I do browse for meal ideas as they are mostly quick & easy. Then I look on BBC good food for an equivalent recipe.

If she doesn't want to learn, and you've tried to encourage her, I totally understand the venting. I have someone who genuinely tries but always does odd combos of over-cooked mushy food.

Smile and swallow, OP. 😁

Do an Asda or Tesco delivery to her house next time you call. Full of ready meals.

“Finest” ready meals are your friend here.

My MIL was like your mum and I’d mainly stomach it - but for Christmas I “treated them” to getting everything pre made from Waitrose as I couldn’t bear the thought of veg cooked for 6 hours with dry turkey.