I need help giving my head a wobble!

[HarpieDuJour]

I start a new job tomorrow morning. So far, so good. However, I've just realised that tomorrow is also the anniversary of my child's death (she was stillborn after a cord prolapse). The job is in the hospital where she died.

Obviously, I hadn't forgotten the date of her death, but I had forgotten that the 11th is tomorrow. I got a phone call asking me to start on Monday, so I didn't make the connection.

I'm being silly, but this has hit me hard. It isn't even a recent loss, she would have been 17 if she had lived. Please tell me I'm an idiot and it will be fine. Lie to me if you have to!

You will be fine, but I think I would take 15 minutes to reflect before going in, and do something to mark it, and then consciously choose to focus on your new job after that as I am sure your DD would wish you to do - because even though she never knew about jobs and work and all that stuff, she was your DD and so instinctively would have wanted the best for you.

You're not being at all silly, but I bet you have coped before with it hitting you hard at times and so I am sure you will be able to again.

Arrange with a friend or someone that you will text them from the loo if it hits you in the day?

You’re not an idiot, but you will be fine. Take some deep breaths before you go in and you’ll be so busy learning about the job, that it will be your focus. If you feel wobbly, don’t rule out saying something to someone and taking a little time out.

Most of us remember poignant anniversaries.

Good advice that I can't add to, but I just wanted to be another voice saying I don't think you're an idiot or being silly.

Let yourself feel how you feel right now, it'll only spill over if you try and push it away or give yourself a hard time for natural feelings.

It will be fine. You've come through tougher times and you have it in you to come through this day too.

Good luck with the new job.

Thank you all, you have all really helped.

Really sorry for your loss. Congratulations on your new job.
Why don't you find the hospital chaplaincy, a quiet space or the memorial garden and spend 5 minutes of your lunch break having some quiet time x

I hope it went well today.

It was amazing, thank you. One slight wobble when my introductory tour included the mortuary, but all is well and everyone was very nice.
Thanks to everyone who posted, sometimes you can only tell a stranger!