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Original poster

Would you poke the bear (child maintenance)

9 replies

Sausagedog25 · 10/12/2023 09:04

So, my ex is a dick and was very abusive.

He has never paid me the full child maintenance, it’s not been much as he’s been a carer for his df who died last year. I think he was supposed to give me £60pm and he gave me £10. I just let it go as it wasn’t much and he was still in some contact with dd, so I wanted to keep things calm.

Roll on a year and now it’s £80 a month. And DD decided to cut contact a year ago (she’s 16). And she’s costing me an absolute fortune at the moment with various bits including health issues. £80 a month would help as I’m struggling a bit now.

ex will either be living off his considerable savings now (as won’t be getting carers allowance), so I’ll actually be owed nothing, or he will have taken his pension early - and I will be owed a LOT more.

My only concern is it’s been all quiet this year and neither of us have had any hassle from him.

DD saw the letter and is absolutely outraged that I am pandering to my fear of him
by not insisting he pays the maintenance. (She’s a bit of a superstar)

I think I will chase. Even if it ends up being the he owes 0.

The last tax year they have for him is 2019-20 - is this usual? It’s so out of date. Can they get a more up to date one? Or do they call him and ask for a bank statement?

Or - if they suggest going to collect and pay what happens if they take the money for me but it later transpires he owes 0 - do I have to pay it all back? Although presumably he’d sharpish give them proof of earnings !

Not sure why I am posting except for another adults view of this situation!

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 10/12/2023 09:08

Of course he should be paying for his child op. It’s money for her, and she’s quite right you should be pushing for it.

Original poster
Sausagedog25 · 10/12/2023 09:11

He paid me nothing at all last year. So this could mean he’s living on his savings but equally I’m sure he wouldn’t consider his pension as relevant (I know it is).

It just takes me back to all the court discussions about money and his absolute conviction that he didn’t need to support dd in any way and that he needed all his ££ to take her on expensive holidays (which she has refused ) - the judge set him straight.

Well 4 more years and then I never need to consider him ever again.

OP posts:
Dowhadiddydiddydum · 10/12/2023 09:32

Yea push it. Especially if that is what DD wants. I doubt he can cause much fuss if DD doesn’t have contact with him anymore. You’ve not got much to loose considering he is paying nothing. If you are worried about being asked to pay money back (I imagine that’s unlikely) you could keep the money in saving for a while before using it.

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BibbleandSqwauk · 10/12/2023 09:38

Look, all you have to do is call the CMS. I know they are crap.in many ways but it's up to them to do it all, communicate with him and obtain the money your daughter is owed. Neither of you have contact with him, you don't have to communicate about contact arrangements so "poking the bear" doesn't really apply. Be brave, just do it, and ignore any communication from him or just reply, "please deal with CMS".

WrinklyFeet · 10/12/2023 09:39

CMS have a live link to the HMRC so should be able to see anything that is on there. My ex-partner owes thousands and they are currently at the stage where they’ve sound a bank account and are secretly liaising with his bank to get a balance. If they find anything, it will be frozen and I’ll all of it/some of it. He knows nothing 😆 They can also take from Joint accounts now which they couldn’t before.

Have name changed for this so will disappear from thread! So nervous about anything being linked to my usual username and being found out.

Theunamedcat · 10/12/2023 09:43

I poked he went mad but they said because we are already under cmo they need me to tell them ASAP especially as he has arrears so they can collect it and it has gone down because he quit his job again

Original poster
Sausagedog25 · 10/12/2023 09:49

WrinklyFeet · 10/12/2023 09:39

CMS have a live link to the HMRC so should be able to see anything that is on there. My ex-partner owes thousands and they are currently at the stage where they’ve sound a bank account and are secretly liaising with his bank to get a balance. If they find anything, it will be frozen and I’ll all of it/some of it. He knows nothing 😆 They can also take from Joint accounts now which they couldn’t before.

Have name changed for this so will disappear from thread! So nervous about anything being linked to my usual username and being found out.

This is why I can’t understand why the letter says it’s based on last tax year they have for him 2019-20.

I will call them first thing. I’ve just been back through and he’s not paid me properly since 2018! I’m going to first ask about the last year of non payment and what the figure should be for this year. If it’s 0 so be it. But he’s obviously not correcting it as he thinks I won’t bother to ask for it .

OP posts:
Original poster
Sausagedog25 · 10/12/2023 09:51

BibbleandSqwauk · 10/12/2023 09:38

Look, all you have to do is call the CMS. I know they are crap.in many ways but it's up to them to do it all, communicate with him and obtain the money your daughter is owed. Neither of you have contact with him, you don't have to communicate about contact arrangements so "poking the bear" doesn't really apply. Be brave, just do it, and ignore any communication from him or just reply, "please deal with CMS".

You’re right my fear is historic as he would see dd and if I had poked she would get hell. But he has no ability to cause either of us hell now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sausagedog25 · 10/12/2023 09:53

@WrinklyFeet best of luck how awesome would that be !

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