Feel like my family would be better off without me

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Just going to start by saying I have no plans for suicide or anything.

On paper I have my dream life but some days I feel like my family would be better off without me.

SAHM to a toddler and 6 mo who i absolutely adore. Husband has very stressful, very high income job which means very long hours and he works away in the city in the week, home at weekends to allow him time to devote to job. Happy with this and it works for us. I generally enjoy being a SAHM and at the moment I don't want to return to work.

However, I can't shake this negative feeling that everyone would be so much better off without me. I've gained weight following 2 back to back pregnancies in 2yrs, boobs are like spaniel ears and I'm currently BFing, I hate the way I look and feel so frumpy and unattractive and honestly embarrassed for DH that he's married to me. I exercise 3 times a week with the kids with me so I'm trying to do something about my weight but it takes time.

At weekends when DH is home, older toddler wont let me do anything and all I hear all day is "no mummy, only daddy". Then the 6 month old baby will not settle unless with me, meaning I can't do anything including getting dressed as she cries when i put her down (this is only recent and i think shes teething so not a huge issue). Explain this to DH when I ask him to hold her so I could do my hair who says why can't you just put her in bouncer. I explain I tried this already (I had) and she wouldn't settle. So he takes her, puts her in bouncer and she's absolutely fine...making me look like a total moron.

So it seems I don't even know what my own children want or like and it would be much better for DH to raise them alone.

I'm feeling so down about everything and I have no one in real life I can talk to.

Oh my word, I'm so sorry you feel like this. You are the central point of your family. You make everything happen and make everyone feel safe. Don't worry about the daddy centric toddler, they are treacherous so and so's at the best of times.

It's great you're enjoying being a SAHM. Do you have interests outside of the family as well to remind you that you are more than "just" wife and mum? Do you ever have the opportunity to go out and do something fun as a couple? Also, have you ever mentioned how you feel to your DH?

Oh bless you. The baby settled for Dad because he doesn't smell of milk but you do. You are the source of comfort so she clings to you.

However, that's not the source of your unhappiness. You are, I think, lonely. Your husband works away all week and then comes home at weekends to 'have time to devote to his job's. When does he devote time and energy to looking after you?! You have two little people totally dependent upon you all week. You need someone who makes you their priority.

You seem v. worried about your weight/looks. You have just given your dh 2 children! If he doesn't see every lump and bump you have acquired in the process as beautiful, then it's not you that is the problem.

You sound worn down. You say he is a high earner. If he can't make you feel supported and cherished as you are, start spending that money on some temporary help. A nanny or babysitter or nursery for the children whilst you go to the gym/hairdresser/a good long walk/read a good book/a long relaxing bath with candles - whatever floats your boat. Time to start looking after you, and putting yourself first - at least twice a week - so that you have enough oomph and energy to look after others.

Thanks for the replies! I feel so guilty though if I was to put both the children in nursery. The oldest (2) came out of nursery two months ago and I've noticed a big difference in her being at home all the time. I'd probably end up spending the time they were in nursery or at a childminder doing chores!

You could look for a home help then. Someone who can come to the house once or twice a week and play with the children whilst you have a nice long shower, go for a run, or even do some chores. It's really tough raising 2 tiny children with an absent husband and little or no support.

You deserve some you time. And it will make you feel healthier, happier and more able to cope.

You don't mention friends in your op. Do you have the opportunity to get out and about, have a night off, laugh,enjoy a break? Again,finding someone you trust who could babysit, whilst you recharge your batteries could help.

Thanks for the replies! I literally have no one as we live too far away from friends and family. The friends I do have all have little children too and aren't in the same friendship circles so the chances of ever meeting anyone is so low. I attend groups etc during the day and make light conversation etc but having two little ones makes it difficult to have conversations!