Hit and run, child died, vile comments

[Saveourholiday9]

I don’t know why I’m posting really, but a little boy died locally this week after being a victim of a hit and run. I made the mistake of going on TikTok and the comments aimed towards his grieving parents and pointing the finger at them has upset me so much. Why are people so spiteful? It reminds me of the death of that lady in the river earlier in the year, nothing to be gained from these armchair detectives and I know I should ignore it but it’s unreal the hate coming from them

It’s mad. They demonise the parents to give themselves some sense of control. ‘This won’t happen to me because I’m a better parent’.

The truth is, all children everywhere are at risk of an accident. very sad.

It's like Mumsnet at times.

In the past there's been some vile blaming of parents when something awful has happened to a child.

I guess it depends on the news story really, whether it's likely to attract that sort of thing.

Yes I saw that. People saying how can she be grieving but be able to get so "dolled up". Someone even saying this just doesn't sit right with me they are hiding something 😲 Social media is awful for this. It makes me wonder how many people are this sick in the head but cover it up in public or is it a small minority just posting online. I pray it is the latter.

I did see the TikTok and the comments. To be honest the wording used was very strange but I guess it was the shock of such a tragic event

The anonymity of the internet seems to release the nastiness in some people and has encouraged idiots to think their opinions are worth hearing. Unfortunately I'm not sure how this can be changed but I agree with you, it is awful

I’ll be honest when I watched it for the first time it seemed off to me, the wording was very odd.

Am guessing you are talking about the little boy in Sandgate . The parents were beyond grief and I couldn’t bear to watch them suffering so much on South East today ,have never watched Tik Tok so can’t comment on that .

Their news broadcast broke my heart, I could feel their pain and emotion but the comments are suggesting that a hit and run was them, or a set up, as If they wished their own child dead! I think because I know the local news is clear that this was a hit and run by the now identified person who left the scene it seems so hurtful that people are saying these things. I couldn’t care less if she’s got make up on, her baby has died, why are people so judgemental 😢

People want to believe that only bad parents have their children die in accidents because that means their children are safe.

It’s a recognised psychological phenomenon. I believe it was first recorded in fighter pilots during WWII who used a ‘right stuff’ argument to push through their fear of being killed in combat (they had the ‘right stuff’ and would live, the pilots shot down and killed didn’t have the ‘right stuff’ so died).

It’s a way of thinking you have control over a random world.

Unfortunately, when combined with the modern internet and the fact people are willing to post things they would never say in person, things can get very toxic online.

@WhateverMate I was going to say the same thing about mumsnet too where it's no different to other platforms with victim blaming. It's human nature to feel superior I guess and with the anonymity of the internet which can remove the filters people use all day to hide their true feelings and lack of empathy.

With regard to the make up comments (and I can't believe I'm giving this vile shit oxygen) I would imagine routine is the only thing you can cling on to in the horror of such grief. I would imagine you do go through your daily routine, including brushing teeth and putting make up on, like a robot, because it's the only way of getting through the day minute by minute that you can conceive of.

May we never know the pain that this kind of a loss brings.

Thank you all (mostly) for your reasonable suggestions. The comment about the parents being ‘off’ are exactly what I’m talking about. Feel free to contact them and tell them exactly how they should be behaving during this horrific time. The superiority factor is spot on, it’s an aeful
incident and none of us ever want to imagine we could be in that position but these are not bad people/parents and these comments on social media are so unwarranted. As an aside, I believe the family are quite religious which supports their demeanour and appeal, not that TikTok detectives care about thats

It's awful when they have lost a child.

I had cancer and you can sometimes see on here people saying things like everyone is cured these days, it's nothing or it's a lifestyle disease caused by too much sugar. Thankfully it's a very small minority but it's basically those who want to believe they are immune to cancer, victim blame and convince themselves it's nothing. It was very sad the lady on here who died of stage 4 cancer, it was clearly true and saw funeral announcement but on Reddit some horrific comments. Luckily the overwhelming majority of people are kind with cancer.

People say it to reassure themselves it won’t happen to them, because they are ‘good’ parents. It’s the same on mumsnet when people respond to something by saying ‘this is why I don’t do xyz’. It’s a form of victim blaming. As if bad things like disease or accidents only happen to people who deserve them.

It's why I don't do social media. It's toxic and magnifies the negative side of humanity. It's depressing. I don't think here counts as social media.

the mum owns/runs a beauty salon and has lashes and nails and looks like some permanent makeup
The dad is rough as nails but religious and in terrible shock
the truth is that it was a real accident. The little lad left his perfectly safe garden to retrieve a ball, in the twilight, on a busy straight road which is 30mph. The van driver was possibly not actually technically at fault but by keeping going and not coming forward has made it a crime (potentially the driver could have been over the limit, uninsured, speeding, had drugs on board) but little Will ran into the road. He made a terrible tragic mistake and lost his life.
seems like dad and mum see this which shows great strength of character
it’s just so horribly sad

It's always been a done thing. Pre internet toxic people still existed and would read or hear these stories and victim blame whilst having a cup of tea and a ciggie with their closest as if these things would never happen to them and it would only happen to people like so and so because they weren't so and so enough. You can never touch base with anything. Life is full of uncertainties and there are many elements that is out of your control no matter what you do especially concerning kids. I would also be worried about jinxing myself. This terribly sad, no parent should ever outlive their child.

I know one of the witnesses to it. It's changed their life too and affected their family even by just being a small piece of a bigger jigsaw. How people can think to have a go at those most affected. Society is spiralling down the drain

Online gives nutters a platform they didn't get pre internet. Previously they would have mumbled to themselves without anyone having to hear their weird, polluting views but now they get to air them for others to see.

Social media in particular is toxic. People say stuff online they would never say face to face. We are all guilty of it. Basically opinions (online especially) should be taken with the proverbial pinch of salt. Unfortunately many still take stuff they read online to heart which has been disastrous for mental health.

Yes, there but for the grace of God...

I once went down a hill on my bike and didn't get using the brakes...so went straight across the main road and flying into a hedge on the other side. Had a car met me either way I'd have been in serious serious trouble.

I've also wandered off from my mum once or twice at the shops...anything could have happened. To judge a mum whose kid was abducted we might as well judge every single parent.

How many of us have played with toys made up of smaller parts? Lego for instance...most (if not everyone). Any of us could have choked.

Life is just chance.

In terms of those with toxic views, the best thing is to not give them any oxygen.

So everyone has to have the same opinion as you? Nobody can constructively speculate? What if we were looking at one of those shocking situations whereby there turned out to be another angle to it?
I don't know if you saw/heard about this or not but in 2021, there was a young girl in the US who was murdered by her fiancée whilst on a cross country van-camping trip in Utah. He returned to Florida on his own in her van and then when she was eventually reported missing, he went on the run. NOBODY knew where she was or if she was alone or dead, much less where he was. It was a countrywide man hunt & missing person search.

After just, I think, 10 or so days, thanks to 'online sleuths' - basically people on social media*, her body was found whilst it was still capable of an autopsy and her family got (one of) their answers. He later was found after killing himself but the point remains, people online 'speculating' and looking outside the box, solved that case.

Yes, I know that's very different to this case but when a large number of Joe Public thinks something is wrong, it SOMETIMES turns out to be true. See also: the Shannon Mathews case.

Hopefully not in this case.

*EDIT: To expand a little, it was a vlogging couple whose viewers looked back at previous vlogs they’d filmed and noticed the couple’s Van parked on the side of a road just a few hundred yards from where he body was eventually found….

My heart went out to these parents when I saw them speak on the news. I don’t follow social media.