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Original poster

DD got a bad haircut and it's my fault :(

20 replies

BadSnips · 08/12/2023 13:54

There's a alternative shopping centre and DD wanted her mullet/wolf cut trimming. She's 14.

I took her and it's walk in only. He said other guy hadn't shown for work and there was a 2/3 hour wait.

We left and as we were leaving spotted another hairdresser in same building so assumed they would be good at alternate cuts too.

I encouraged DD to get it done there as its super busy and I Dobt want to be coming back any closer to Christmas.

Well she hates it. She's come home and cried.

I don't think it's awful but it's definitely not what she asked for.

She said she feels ugly

I know there's nothing I can do now but I feel so guilty. I know what a knock your confidence a bad haircut can be as a woman, never mind being a teenager.

Why didn't I just take her back hours later 😢

OP posts:
HardcoreLadyType · 08/12/2023 13:58

I had haircuts I hated as a teenager (one was a mullet that I hadn’t actually asked for, in fact!). They made me unutterably miserable.

Any chance she could see the first hairdresser and they might be able to help?

Obviously, it’s hair, and it will grow, but that’s not much solace to a teenager.

Original poster
BadSnips · 08/12/2023 14:00

HardcoreLadyType · 08/12/2023 13:58

I had haircuts I hated as a teenager (one was a mullet that I hadn’t actually asked for, in fact!). They made me unutterably miserable.

Any chance she could see the first hairdresser and they might be able to help?

Obviously, it’s hair, and it will grow, but that’s not much solace to a teenager.

We've already left and she feels too much has been cut off so I don't think he could help as he would need to cut more to make any changes?

I just feel really bad for not wanting to hang about for 3 hours.

We could have gone done something together for a while.

Now she's sad.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 08/12/2023 14:04

How is the hairdresser's lack of skill/inability to follow instructions or DD's inability to give clear instructions your fault?
We've all had dodgy haircuts, in fact I've got one now, from a hairdresser I've been going to for year and who normally does a good job.
It's annoying and upsetting, and can seem like a major deal especially to a teenager, but it's not your fault.

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Beauty
Original poster
BadSnips · 08/12/2023 14:15

DelphiniumBlue · 08/12/2023 14:04

How is the hairdresser's lack of skill/inability to follow instructions or DD's inability to give clear instructions your fault?
We've all had dodgy haircuts, in fact I've got one now, from a hairdresser I've been going to for year and who normally does a good job.
It's annoying and upsetting, and can seem like a major deal especially to a teenager, but it's not your fault.

Because she specifically wanted the hairdresser she had been to repeatedly but he had a backlog and I insisted she went else where, somewhere we've no experience of, rather than wait for the guy she trusted. That was my decision, so my fault.

OP posts:
Stephisaur · 08/12/2023 14:54

Oh no, there's nothing worse!

It would mean more cutting, but would she consider going even shorter (almost like a pixie but maybe chunkier so it's got a bit more length?) and then she can gel/style it and possibly get some wash out dye for over the Christmas period?

SutWytTi · 08/12/2023 15:05

Think this is a good lesson actually about giving teens control over things like this. I think you should have given her the choice of trying another hairdresser, coming back another day or just leaving it til after Christmas.

Apologise and tell her you understand, and that next time you will let her take more control.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/12/2023 15:12

I know there's nothing I can do now but I feel so guilty. I know what a knock your confidence a bad haircut can be as a woman, never mind being a teenager.

I think you model resilience, moving on, sucking up small knocks in life, not having appearance as the most important thing. I had a work colleague who cried in the office, in her 30s, about her bad haircut. Which wasn't that bad.

DD's bad some shockers because she likes to take risks with her hair. That's really alternative!

dontgobaconmyheart · 08/12/2023 15:17

I don't think there's much point feeling guilty OP, you didn't cut the hair and presumably if she had said she really didn't want to go to the second hairdresser you wouldn't have made her.

It's one of those things that happens in life and it will grow quickly. I'd call and book in with the original hairdresser and see what they can do with it to make it something she is happier with. I don't think it will ultimately be helpful to play along with it being a huge disaster and grounds to feel awful about herself but I'd be telling her that I understand she has not got the haircut she wanted and that that feels disappointing but it still looks nice, we will see what the usual hairdresser can do to make her feel more comfortable with it and it will grow much quicker than she thinks it will.

AllGoneToPott · 08/12/2023 15:23

Can she get some hair accessories and put some of it up ?
Etsy have some nice boho headbands, clips etc.
I work with a lot of young girls and when they change their hair colour/cut and it doesn't go to plan they wear cute little beanie hats. Would that be an option?

diddl · 08/12/2023 15:29

Tbh Op if she only wanted a trim I wouldn't have thought that going to another place would result in a disaster!

User1343 · 08/12/2023 15:31

SutWytTi · 08/12/2023 15:05

Think this is a good lesson actually about giving teens control over things like this. I think you should have given her the choice of trying another hairdresser, coming back another day or just leaving it til after Christmas.

Apologise and tell her you understand, and that next time you will let her take more control.

👏 strongly agree with this

StillWantingADog · 08/12/2023 15:33

We’ve all had shit haircuts

I’d be inclined to go back to the original hairdresser. Obviously he will have to cut more off but if he is trusted she should end up happier than she is now.

after a day or two and a good cry she’ll be ok.

diddl · 08/12/2023 15:37

and I insisted she went else where, somewhere we've no experience of, rather than wait for the guy she trusted. That was my decision, so my fault.

It was your decision but also hers.

Presumably based on not wanting to wait today or have to come back another day?

Does she need you to take her there & back?

Newnamesameoldlurker · 08/12/2023 15:39

You sound like such a lovely mum OP to feel so bad about this. She is lucky to have you! It's really not your fault, it was a reasonable assumption that the other hairdresser would do a decent job and you wouldn't been thinking about this if it had worked out as planned. It's character building for her, and your relationship will grow stronger from her seeing your remorse and admitting to her that you made a mistake pressuring her to try the other hairdresser. Bad haircuts are a rite of passage! It'll grow back so quickly

thedementedelf · 08/12/2023 15:40

Can she get clip in extentions and cut them to the length she's looking for to add length?

DappledThings · 08/12/2023 15:42

I think you model resilience, moving on, sucking up small knocks in life, not having appearance as the most important thing
This. It's happened. It'll grow out, she can get it cut again, tie it up. All options. No point wallowing in it.

Canisaysomething · 08/12/2023 15:43

You know you can’t possibly protect your child from life’s disappointments can you OP? But you can show her how to deal with it. Stop being overly dramatic and just make a plan to get it fixed.

WhatsitWiggle · 08/12/2023 16:21

SutWytTi · 08/12/2023 15:05

Think this is a good lesson actually about giving teens control over things like this. I think you should have given her the choice of trying another hairdresser, coming back another day or just leaving it til after Christmas.

Apologise and tell her you understand, and that next time you will let her take more control.

This but also ....

Validate her feelings - please don't say "it's not that bad /it'll grow back" - she's upset so "I can see how upset you are" is better.

Apologise for not giving options, and you'll try to do better by her next time - demonstrates you're not infallible, and you recognise your relationship with her needs to change as she gets older.

Give her options now - going back to original hairdresser, getting temporary extensions, trying a colour over Christmas - but leave those options with her to consider. She may mull it over and decide herself it's ok to live with it.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 08/12/2023 16:36

BadSnips · 08/12/2023 14:15

Because she specifically wanted the hairdresser she had been to repeatedly but he had a backlog and I insisted she went else where, somewhere we've no experience of, rather than wait for the guy she trusted. That was my decision, so my fault.

Show quote history

And it was DD´s decision to get her hair cut. So her fault?

The other hairdresser was backlogged. Is it therefore his fault?

I suppose you were (presumably) the one to give birth to her and are therefore partially responsible (shared responsibility with her DF). If you hadn´t given birth to her, she wouldn´t even exist and therefore couldn´t be upset about her hair...

A series of decisions and circumstances lead up to this and you were (partially) involved. That doesn´t make this your fault.

It is however a good lesson to let her make her own decisions in regard to her own hair. Tell her that she can go to "her" hairdresser to get it re-cut. (and that it is best to call the hairdresser in advance. Even if it is a walk-in...)

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/12/2023 21:26

Validate her feelings - please don't say "it's not that bad /it'll grow back" - she's upset so "I can see how upset you are" is better.

I think the most useful thing is to do both. Validate how they feel but don't wallow with them. Inject some realism, flow with what the child is feeling.

Last time this happened in my house, DD was obviously a bit disappointed but stoic. I 'noticed' that she was sad and spoke to her about that but also reminded her that the last haircut was better after a couple of weeks and that she likes to be brave with her look. And reminded her that her contemporaries are so obsessed with their own stuff they will barely notice (and she's ice cold so can style anything out). She acknowledged she wasn't happy but that she'd rather have a few bad cuts than play safe with her hair. And also the usual discussion around WAG having to care about their hair.

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