DDs birthday - talk me down

mrlistersgelfbride · 2023-12-08T13:11:19+00:00

DDs birthday party tomorrow. Early primary school age. Softplay party. Feels stressful. I'm worried about different groups of friends coming together with their kids. ILs are coming but they are anti social and hard work and will just sit there and judge me and be no help. I include my partner in this. Cake looks shit. I have tried but I couldn't afford an expensive one. Venue won't let me put balloons and banners up in advance so I'll be at the door at the same time as everyone else -its first thing in the morning and they won't open early. I'm reserved/ a bit socially awkward type of person and don't like things going wrong. I don't like cliques or people being excluded at these things so have to talk to everyone who has made an effort to come. Talk me down - I'm an idiot and none of this matters?!

AtomicBlondeRose · 08/12/2023 13:13

The beauty of a soft play party is nobody really needs to get on. Adults can sit at a table with a cup of tea and stare vacantly into space for an hour which was a lovely break for me when I had young DC. I’ve never decorated a soft play for a party either, in fact it never occurred to me as it’s pretty bright and cheerful in there anyway!

And everyone is always complimentary about a birthday cake even if it looks shit so don’t worry about that.

Cornettoninja · 08/12/2023 13:16

Honestly, soft play parties are the easiest there are. Don’t worry about everyone mixing, those places are pretty loud so no one is going to be having deep and meaningful conversations there. I’d imagine most are grateful for the chance to have a relatively peaceful coffee.

the cake will be fine, as long as you can fit candles on there and have napkins to shove pieces into party bags with you’re all good.

NotFastButFurious · 08/12/2023 13:16

Deep breath, it'll be fine! Brief OH tonight that you'll go in with the kids and oversee soft play and he's to go and sort out the balloons and banners and lay out the food. Suggest he ropes his parents in to help.
The cake will be fine, it's sugary and that's all the kids care about!
If you've got friends who don't know each other then it's nice to introduce them and that tends to help groups mix e.g. hey "A", have you met "B", she's xx's mum who's DD's friend at school.

FrenchandSaunders · 08/12/2023 13:18

I used to worry about hosting parties but they be always turned out ok. I’m sure it will be fine.

SandyWaves · 08/12/2023 13:18

It is stressful, don't worry.

Ask the venue again if you can come in at least 10 minutes early to put the cake and party bags down. They're being unreasonable about that!

Soft plays are loud and honestly, everyone will know the host will be busy. Make sure you say hello to EVERY parent and thank them and then get on with the party!

Why won't your partner help? He should be helping you. Ignore the ILs if they're like that, the day is about your child. As long as your child has a blast, that's all that matters!

This time tomorrow, it will all be over and you can pat yourself on the back!

Whataretheodds · 08/12/2023 13:19

None of it matters, the kids will have a great time anyway

TheNoodlesIncident · 08/12/2023 13:24

I did a soft play party and hopefully your venue will be similar. The room the children have the party food in will most likely be decorated. The parents will sit in groups of those that know each other and chat, the kids will run amok and have a great time. You can mingle amongst the other parents if you want to, but you don't have to much - it's not a party for adults!

I paid for the accompanying adults to have a hot drink and a cake from the venue's cafe, I'm guessing you won't be able to afford this if the cake was a struggle. Also doubting your unhelpful in-laws would offer to assist with anything (never mind the costs), so why are they there?! They won't enjoy it...

SoSad44 · 08/12/2023 13:27

Kids don’t care about the cake as long as there is one. At a softplay nobody will be bothered about balloons either, you don’t need to decorate the room.
ignore the in-laws, they can have a cup of tea and watch the kids. You will probably be busy chatting to the other parents anyway. Your child will have fun that’s the main thing.

Mamette · 08/12/2023 13:28

It will be fine. Stop trying to predict what way people will be- you can’t control other people.

it’s far more important that you are smiley, present and ready to greet everyone as they arrive, let the soft play chaos happen in the background and ignore the ILs if they are being unhelpful.

00100001 · 08/12/2023 13:31

SandyWaves · 08/12/2023 13:18

It is stressful, don't worry.

Ask the venue again if you can come in at least 10 minutes early to put the cake and party bags down. They're being unreasonable about that!

Soft plays are loud and honestly, everyone will know the host will be busy. Make sure you say hello to EVERY parent and thank them and then get on with the party!

Why won't your partner help? He should be helping you. Ignore the ILs if they're like that, the day is about your child. As long as your child has a blast, that's all that matters!

This time tomorrow, it will all be over and you can pat yourself on the back!

You don't need to be in 10 minutes before - Go in - shove the kids in soft play, say hello to people as they arrive, then once most/a;ll are there - grab a few willing parents and set up the tables whilst they're playing... Then herd the cats at food time to the tables and let them have at it and send them on their way.

Original poster

mrlistersgelfbride · 08/12/2023 13:31

Thanks everyone. I appreciate it.

The hot drink and cake for the adults is a nice touch but I can't afford that.
I've never been to a softplay party where that happened.

OP posts:

00100001 · 08/12/2023 13:33

Not entirely why you'd bother inviting in-laws/GPs/Aunts/Uncles to a primary soft play party in the first place? (Except as being helpers)

Original poster

mrlistersgelfbride · 08/12/2023 13:34

00100001 · 08/12/2023 13:33

Not entirely why you'd bother inviting in-laws/GPs/Aunts/Uncles to a primary soft play party in the first place? (Except as being helpers)

Well MIL wanted to come.
BIL and SIL are coming with their child.

OP posts:

PinkMimi · 08/12/2023 13:34

We did soft play for our daughters birthday this year and to be fair I had the same worries but actually I needn’t have worried. The kids had a great time, the parents talked amongst themselves and were happy as they could relax while their kids were off having a good time on soft play. I would definitely do one again, once I was there it was stress free x

00100001 · 08/12/2023 13:35

Well then BIL and SIL can help you set up easily enough whilst the kids are being feral

GreatGateauxsby · 08/12/2023 13:36

It will be absolutely fine.

Keep the decor SIMPLE.
Some helium ballons from card factory (£30 gets you tonnes)
A couple of banners
sling down a party table cloth and few matching plates - boom!

Give DH one or two simple job like bringing the cake from the car and putting up the banners (had a lot containing everything needed and let him sort) beyond that don’t waste your time. Let DH and in-laws sort themselves out.

Let your DD run off and have fun.
You greet everyone. Have a space/table for gifts and a space for coats and shoes if needed.

Go for a broad smile and a “hello! Wonderful you could make it! Do take a seat and grab a tea.”
“Hi Bobby! How are you? Hope you have a lovely time playing today.
Katie is just over there if you want to say hi”

repeat a billion times

Original poster

mrlistersgelfbride · 08/12/2023 13:36

00100001 · 08/12/2023 13:35

Well then BIL and SIL can help you set up easily enough whilst the kids are being feral

They don't know anyone else and aren't the type.
Not sure why I just can't see them doing it.

OP posts:

Original poster

mrlistersgelfbride · 08/12/2023 13:37

GreatGateauxsby · 08/12/2023 13:36

It will be absolutely fine.

Keep the decor SIMPLE.
Some helium ballons from card factory (£30 gets you tonnes)
A couple of banners
sling down a party table cloth and few matching plates - boom!

Give DH one or two simple job like bringing the cake from the car and putting up the banners (had a lot containing everything needed and let him sort) beyond that don’t waste your time. Let DH and in-laws sort themselves out.

Let your DD run off and have fun.
You greet everyone. Have a space/table for gifts and a space for coats and shoes if needed.

Go for a broad smile and a “hello! Wonderful you could make it! Do take a seat and grab a tea.”
“Hi Bobby! How are you? Hope you have a lovely time playing today.
Katie is just over there if you want to say hi”

repeat a billion times

@GreatGateauxsby Thank you this is very helpful 😊

OP posts:

LBFseBrom · 08/12/2023 13:39

FrenchandSaunders · 08/12/2023 13:18

I used to worry about hosting parties but they be always turned out ok. I’m sure it will be fine.

Same here. We had a few good parties at home, otherwise went to a restaurant.

I understand how you feel, op, the anticipation is stressful but I'm sure it will be fine. There were no 'soft play' parties when mine was small but it sounds as though you won't have to do too much and should be fun.

Good luck.

mamma65432 · 08/12/2023 13:40

Helium balloons are only a couple of pounds in Asda and they fill them for free, likewise banner for a pound, as it's early in the day the adults won't expect food, just smile and say hello to everyone.

00100001 · 08/12/2023 13:41

mrlistersgelfbride · 08/12/2023 13:36

They don't know anyone else and aren't the type.
Not sure why I just can't see them doing it.

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So if you or DH asks them "Would you mind helping us move these presents off the table?" or "Can you just put these trays of sandwiches over there?" or whatever help it is you need... they'd just look on blankly and refuse?

Original poster

mrlistersgelfbride · 08/12/2023 13:48

00100001 · 08/12/2023 13:41

So if you or DH asks them "Would you mind helping us move these presents off the table?" or "Can you just put these trays of sandwiches over there?" or whatever help it is you need... they'd just look on blankly and refuse?

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I don't know...I never really ask for favours,even little stuff, I tend to just do things myself.
Maybe that's why I'm feeling stressed!

OP posts:

pizzaHeart · 08/12/2023 13:59

Get enough bags to put presents inside/ transport them to the car.
make sure someone is sitting at the table guarding pile of presents- perfect job for in laws.
have you checked about candles? Some places don’t allow them , if it’s ok, put them in advance and take matches with you, we spent 10 minutes once trying to find something.
Are you doing party favors? Put them all in a separate bag. Don’t worry if you are not doing them it’s not necessary.
Make sure you haven’t lost anyone and mainly a birthday child, they are usually very active!!!

It will be fine, promise a treat for yourself after e.g long bath uninterrupted ( it would be 15 minutes max in my house but you might be luckier)

Singleandproud · 08/12/2023 14:05

Children dont care about cake but if you are feeling self conscious if the one you made keep that for home and get a £12 one from the supermarket it doesn't have to be a ££££ bespoke one.

In fact DDs most successful birthday cake/hosting combo was having a Colin caterpillar cake and then pre filling the party bags with the mini Colin caterpillar cakes from M&S. As a single parent I was always attempting to host and cut cake and fill party bags which was always a nightmare.

Genaula · 08/12/2023 14:16

mrlistersgelfbride · 08/12/2023 13:48

I don't know...I never really ask for favours,even little stuff, I tend to just do things myself.
Maybe that's why I'm feeling stressed!

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You’re making a rod for your own back, just ask your bil and sil for a little bit of a hand setting up or another parent.
the kids won’t care about the type of cake. Enjoy!