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Original poster

When people don't stick to the present list!

19 replies

WhichIsItWendy · 07/12/2023 21:14

Does anyone else find it frustrating when people ask for ideas for presents and then go AWOL on the gifts they choose?!

Every year my family share lists of present ideas for kids. It's helpful as they're young, tastes change quickly, and we live a distance apart so never sure what toys they have already.

Every. Single. Year. my brother asks for the list and asks for specific presents for their children, then gets my kids random crap that nowhere near what's on the list. This year he's told me what he's got and my kid already has it. Their response "ah you can never have enough....". Well, actually, you can.

I know why he does it. He gets them secondhand toys which I don't mind, Id be very happy to swap secondhand WANTED gifts. But Im sick of the crap he gets ours when I always stick to lists and get presents his kids actually want. I would tell him to resell and get something on the list but I don't want to sound grabby.

Grrrr.... I love my nieces and nephews so won't be petty, but it's bloody tempting to get crap for them to show my brother how it feels.

He does the same for birthdays too...

OP posts:

gamerchick · 07/12/2023 21:21

I'd ditch the lists completely. They don't work.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 07/12/2023 21:23

Buy his kids the equivalent.

my brother used to really piss me off with the absolute lack of effort for my kids when id bought what his kids wanted for years. His oldest is 15 years older than mine. One year he got them a chocolate snowman to share. Id got one of his three the requested mac makeup. So i buy the family a tin of biscuits now and buy more for mine.

Needmorelego · 07/12/2023 21:23

@gamerchick lists work - if people stick to them !
@WhichIsItWendy Have you actually asked him why he does it that way?

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SutWytTi · 07/12/2023 21:26

Oh I hate this. Either freestyle or ask for the list. Don't ask for the list and then ignore it.

There is a special place in hell for people who ask for the list then refuse to tell you whether they are getting anything from it. Total twats.

ThornInMySide84 · 07/12/2023 21:27

@SusanKennedyshouldLTB so you don’t love your nieces and nephews for themselves? You just see them as an extension of your brother so they should be punished for his ‘crimes’?

Flump8 · 07/12/2023 21:31

"Hi brother. I know you asked about what the kids would like for Christmas this year. Unfortunately, they're older now and have very particular tastes. The days of making guesses at what they like are long over :( We also don't have much space, so have to be extremely selective about the things we buy nowadays. If you would really like to get them a present, they would love and make use of XXX. If that's too expensive or difficult for you to get, don't worry about getting them something else instead, they'll be fine!"

winewolfhowls · 07/12/2023 22:59

Your brother is a nob.

But generally speaking one of the joys of presents is choosing, especially for kids. I can see a list is useful when they are teens though.

stayathomer · 07/12/2023 23:01

Sorry, I do this! I ask when I’ve no ideas then see something I like the idea of then off I go!!!!

ShirleyPhallus · 07/12/2023 23:01

I’d suggest you tell him to stop doing presents now, then just buy your own more bits

If he asks why then tell him he never sticks to the list and it’s a waste and disrespectful. He’s your brother, you should be able to be honest with him

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 07/12/2023 23:13

ThornInMySide84 · 07/12/2023 21:27

@SusanKennedyshouldLTB so you don’t love your nieces and nephews for themselves? You just see them as an extension of your brother so they should be punished for his ‘crimes’?

What a ridiculous comment.

dontgobaconmyheart · 07/12/2023 23:16

I do think in reality a lot of people use the list as a sort of guide - eg if someone puts that they want a playstation game it is assumed they like gaming and therefore any gift relating to gaming is going to be well received. Specific books on the list ends up meaning that that person gets bookmarks, book bags, other books. That kind of thing.

I just send our teen Nephews and Nieces vouchers or exactly what they have asked for if the price is appropriate, a gift is for the recipient and not the enjoyment of shopping for the giver. People will go around the houses to explain why it's nicer/more special/better to get a surprise after all or believe they know better about what someone wants but IMO it's always about pleasing yourself. There's one very easy way to please the recipient and that's to just give them what they asked for whether you like the idea of it or not. I'd rather give cash that will be spent and enjoyed even on the most trivial of things than send a gift that never gets used or ends up going to charity.

Saz12 · 07/12/2023 23:41

OP, are the items on the wishlist a range of prices? Is it that he just wants to spend less - so you coukd include some items near £10 or whatever.

Redhairblackheart · 07/12/2023 23:51

MIL does this every birthday and xmas. Asks me what to get them (they barely see them so has zero idea) ingores said thing, goes rouge, then bitches and makes snide comments when the kids say 'oh weve already got X'. Cant bloody win!!!!!

daisydalrymple · 07/12/2023 23:58

Can you not say to him that your dc already have what he’s bought, so he can give them to his own dc off you and you’ll send tags written off yourselves. You can then buy a gift off him for your own dd.

SgtBilko · 08/12/2023 00:03

Lists are just for ideas. Sometimes I buy from them and sometimes I don’t.

OnlyCorrect · 08/12/2023 00:12

You need to talk to your brother. Ask if he wants to lower the budget or change the arrangement since it's obviously not working for him.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 08/12/2023 00:15

Make this Christmas the last year you buy for everyone. Your brother is a cheapskate.

Original poster

WhichIsItWendy · 08/12/2023 09:22

It's bizarre as he's generally quite a generous person, financially and in other ways. They're not short of cash (similar income and lifestyle to ourselves) and the presents I put on the list are usually in the range of £10-20. That's all I spend on theirs too, but the difference is it's stuff they want as it's on the list!

He likes to be thrifty, especially when it comes to presents, and I completely respect that. But when you buy secondhand, it often means you buy anything people are selling, rather than exactly what people want. So I guess that's why he never keeps to the list - that we call agreed to use originally!

Anyway, we'll see how the duplicate present goes down at christmas and next year, I think I'll just do similar and ignore the list.

For his birthday last year, I spent ages comparing options and got a thoughtful gift relating to his hobby that he uses regularly. I got a box of sweets.

OP posts:

TrashedSofa · 08/12/2023 10:54

People will go around the houses to explain why it's nicer/more special/better to get a surprise after all or believe they know better about what someone wants but IMO it's always about pleasing yourself.

Yep!

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