Feel utterly depressed over weight/body

[chillin12]

I hate feeling this way, but I’ve just become so stupidly insecure and upset over my new body/weight. And it’s all my fault really. When I got married in late 2022, I was a very slim size 8 figure (I’m only 5ft ish). I was around 53-54kg. Within weeks, I gained 6-7kg, which kept on increasing. I was off work at the time, and didn’t keep an eye on my weight. I think I became comfortable, and wasn’t physically active enough, to compensate for eating more.

I fell pregnant after I’d already gained significant weight. My pre-pregnancy weight was almost nearing 70kg. My “baby” weight wasn’t that much (quite a light baby). But I overate massively in pregnancy, with lack of exercise. Towards the end of preg, I weighed 86kg. A few months after giving birth in July 2023, I am now back down to 70kg ish, but I feel so awful with the way I look. Even worse, cos I know it’s not even pregnancy weight, as I’d already gained that amount beforehand. It just looks terrible with my height.

I am trying to control my diet better now, but I get hungry easily, and lack the motivation for exercise or outdoor walks cos of the damn weather. I sometimes feel embarrassed to go outside cos I feel self-conscious (extreme, I know). I guess it’s just a drastic change from my body last year, as I’ve gone from size 6-8 to 14-16 so quickly. The stretch marks are insane. My husband reassures me and makes me feel attractive, but on a personal level, I am so insecure with this change. I keep wondering how long it will take to lose it. I have tried to start an exercise routine, but I am always feeling very weak and lazy.

I look in the mirror at my body, and feel so low. I see slim bodies on TV, and annoyed that I have become so big compared to before. Funnily, I used to complain about my weight when I was slim, thinking I need to lose more. Now, I feel like an idiot for thinking that way.

I guess the purpose of this post is to just, vent lol. Anybody else feel similar, or any tips on how to get motivated?

Thank you

It's okay to feel low, but know that self criticism actually works against weight loss - you can't hate yourself into being thinner.

First step is to identify why you overeat - for me (have a 7month old) it's emotional regulation*, skipping actual meals as too busy with baby, and also boredom at times. So I'm trying to 1) eat regular healthy meals 2) not eat my feelings and 3) use my time in a more interesting way, not massively eat in front of TV.

That's the simpler bit, I'm also trying to do some mental and emotional work on the side about my attitude to my body and food.

(Chris fairburn has a good book called Overcoming Binge Eating, which the above comes from)

• • this is why self hatred increases overeating, not.decreases it.

Thank you for your post.

I mainly used to overeat, before pregnancy, simply because I have a large appetite. I like trying new food, and going out to eat/takeaways. Normally, I’d control this, but I started to give in. Sometimes, I binge eat, and I have a big sweet tooth. So a lot of it, is self control when it comes to food and portion sizes.
I have phases where I eat healthily, but do struggle to maintain it.

So many people feel like this you’re not alone. Can you make small changes to “feel good” and get the ball rolling? Some form of exercise that you like, even YouTube Joe wicks twenty minute classes on tele inside? You may find that helps improve your mood and you’ll then be able to get out more for walks etc. i know it’s winter as you say, but good podcasts or music help.

I would first check your thyroid levels and make sure everything is okay. Following on from that, I would start making small changes if you don't feel you have the motivation to train at a gym. Drinking 2-3 litres of water a drink a day, going for a long walk or doing a reasonably simple home exercise dvd is a good start - (personally recommend 30 day shred). Make sure you are eating at least some protein with each meal and get lots of sleep.

Once those small changes start to make a difference, you are well on your way.

Ditch the scales too - take pictures and measurements instead. Much better indicator!

Are you still breastfeeding? I found it impossible to lose weight while BF and put on an insane amount of weight. With my second baby I was more aware of this and stopped BF at 9 months to allow for more energy/less hunger/exercise and weight loss before going back to work.

Don't be too hard on yourself, having a baby is a huge deal for the body. Be gentle on yourself but stay on your plan for calorie deficit to lose the excess.

Thank you all for the reassurances and tips!
I understand it’s difficult, and to be gentle on yourself. I guess it’s challenging and will require hard work and self dedication. I will take it gradually; firstly, by monitoring what I eat better. Then, I will increase my exercise levels, and hopefully, will see differences. I wish to be considerably slimmer by July, if possible.

I did the 30 day shred many years ago when I was thin! It was really good with toning. I have less stamina now, but I actually did level 1 the other day once, just one session haha 😅

Thank you again

I will take it gradually; firstly, by monitoring what I eat better. Then, I will increase my exercise levels, and hopefully, will see differences. I wish to be considerably slimmer by July, if possible.

I think you've taken the first step which is to want to do something about it, and you've also made plan, so you are already winning 💪

Your DP sounds supportive so can you get him onside to help? Maybe fewer takeaways and eating out, cooking some healthy meals - you can still try new things, and cutting down on crappy snacks in the house.

Edited to add: I have started doing daily Caroline Girvan sessions from YouTube. I like that she does all the exercises in real time and often has to stop for a rest.

Thank you!!

Yes, he often cooks healthy meals. It always ends up being me ordering takeaways, as my husband has always been a healthy eater, compared to me, anyways. 😅He’s not much of a snacker, but we’ve cut down on the chocolate snacks we used to have. I do have a weakness for biscuits dipped in tea though 😅

Thank you, I will have a look. I am looking for soft, postpartum exercise routines too, as I had a third degree tear and an episiotomy. Although, it’s been nearly 5 months, but trying to go slow with physical activity. Xx

OP five months pp is nothing. No wonder you like tea and biscuits these are definite musts post partum ;) on a serious note are you bF? I couldn’t shift any baby weight until I stopped bF and I was so active pp. it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. don’t underestimate the benefits of walking 😄

I spoke to my French friend this week and was complaining of similar weight gain. She said screw it get clothes that fit now so you can look the best you can at the moment, good accessories, do your hair and make-up then tackle your weight. She always looks impeccable focuses on her best features.

Hello! Yes, I am breastfeeding. Yes, I think walking is enjoyable. I love pram pushing 😅😅 But I hate going outside at the same time. When I’m actually out, I don’t mind. But I’m really bad at getting out of bed 😂
Thank you! X

Yes, I like this attitude! I still try to maintain myself. I love subtle makeup, and a nice hairstyle. I also have a new wardrobe, and try to wear clothes that suit me better, but, out of comfort, I prefer to stay in nighties 😂😂

Also, a big portion of my weight is on my boobs! 😅😅 Before the weight gain, I was a 32E! So, I dread to think what my size is now. I just wear extra large sized bras. Does anyone know if breast size will reduce with weight loss?

OP admits to over eating takeaways, biscuits & chocolate etc and doing little exercise. Why on earth would she need her thyroid levels checking?
If (and only if) she cut those things out and ate healthily for a while and still couldn't shift the weight would she need to look into medical reasons for her weight gain.
I do have a diagnosed thyroid condition that I am finally receiving consultant lead treatment for however I believe my diagnosis/treatment was delayed due to the high number of women with weight issues seeking treatment for medical issues that don't exist....they just couldn't be bothered to try diet and a healthy lifestyle so tried to get a diagnosable 'condition' to give them an excuse to carry on their lifestyle.
Most GPs see an overweight woman now and think 'here we go again' but this means genuine medical problems are being missed (yes I blame the GPs that should have diagnosed me sooner but the influx of people wanting tests because they can't be arsed to eat less doesn't help!)

Hello, I’m sure @ukgot2pot didn’t meant anything untoward, and it was simply an innocent suggestion from them, to rule out anything.

Yes it’s true, I feel lifestyle changes will make a difference to my weight, which is my goal. I don’t think it is anything medical causing it, however, I understand the concern, as maybe thyroid problems are common.

I’m sorry you had a difficult time, when you were genuinely struggling medically.