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Original poster

Unsupportive DP

19 replies

WakeMeUpWhenDecemberEnds90 · 07/12/2023 17:09

I'll try and keep this brief. Found out on Tuesday there's a possibility I have MS after various eye issues. Being referred for a scan and to neurology by my GP who has requested an urgent MRI. Have been very worried with it all (as if it's not MS it's likely to be potentially even worse). Have been with DP 5 years, relationship has been quite rocky at times due to him drinking heavily and is prone to being quite nasty at times. Other times he's absolutely lovely. We're both emergency service workers and he's currently between night shifts. This afternoon he woke up early to accompany me and DD (3) to her nursery play, which normally lasts about 30mins altogether. He advised I bring the nappy bag. I said I didn't think we really needed it as DD had just had her nappy changed and has spare supplies at nursery, but ok I'll bring it. For context, the nursery is less than a 2 minute walk from our house, (less than a 20 second drive). I suggested walking, DP wanted to bring the car. No issues. When we were getting out of the car, I took the nappy bag and walked on. DP called me back to leave it in the car. I was puzzled and said "but I thought you wanted me to bring it?" He got very snappy and said "just give me the fucking bag and stop complaining" with a face like thunder and snatched it off me. We go to the nursery and I'm feeling upset. I say to him that I wasn't complaining but just didn't understand why he wanted me to bring it if he was going to leave it in the car. He told me "it's better to have it at all times just in case. Now stop arguing" whilst glaring. I felt like bursting into tears but I know I'm probably feeling extra sensitive due to the health issues. Nevertheless I feel like he's being a prick. I understand how it feels when you're between nights and cranky and he's likely worried about my health too but I just feel so unsupported and lonely with it all. Any advice or solidarity from people who have experienced similar would be much appreciated

OP posts:
contactus · 07/12/2023 17:32

a GP has said that MS might be a possibility?

Original poster
WakeMeUpWhenDecemberEnds90 · 07/12/2023 17:51

Yes, it's the gp who has ordered the scan and is doing the neurology referral. He obviously can't be sure it's MS but based on an opthalmology report and my symptoms, he was fairly worried

OP posts:
contactus · 07/12/2023 17:54

i can’t fathom a GP that would speculate about this before you’ve had a scan or seen neurology

He basically went completely against his training

He has speculated directly to a patient before a single further test or consultant has explored

unbelievable

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Original poster
WakeMeUpWhenDecemberEnds90 · 07/12/2023 17:58

Yes he was thinking MS based on my eye issues alone (visual field defect and thinning of optic nerve). Then when I went on about the neurological symptoms, that's when he said he suspected MS. I was actually thinking a tumour bur due to not having headaches, he thinks it's unlikely. He did say tumours can be asymptomatic though. I had read about the possibility of MS myself prior to the appointment but was a bit taken aback that the gp thought it also.

OP posts:
contactus · 07/12/2023 18:07

shocking. absolutely appalling

as for your op…drinks too much, prone to nastiness, swears at you in front of daughter…. well you don’t need us to tell you how shit this sounds

how long has your dd been attending this nursery?

contactus · 07/12/2023 18:07

if you say to the neurologist… oh my GP thinks it might be MS, his jaw will hit the floor

Redlorryyellowlorryblue · 07/12/2023 18:10

Your DP is a prick. Is he usually like that?

Also, a 20 second car ride? Lazy prick.

Original poster
WakeMeUpWhenDecemberEnds90 · 07/12/2023 18:15

@contactus is it really bad that the gp told me that? Do you mind me asking if you're a HCP? Not being snarky, I'm just surprised that you think it's so shocking. He didn't confirm MS, but said he was worried it was a possibility.
@Redlorryyellowlorryblue he can be. Not always. But just feeling a bit vulnerable re the outcome of everything. As I said, I think he's secretly worried too and that's maybe why he's being like this but it's not helpful to me and makes me feel very vulnerable in case this does turn out to be something serious. He can't cope when I'm unwell and can be quite horrible. I've never been seriously unwell before (flu/covid) but when I had covid the second time, he seemed very resentful of me for getting sick

OP posts:
contactus · 07/12/2023 18:17

Dad and brother - one a GP, the other ENT consultant

Lostintranslation7 · 07/12/2023 18:22

You must be so worried, do you have any idea of waiting list time? I was in a very similar situation 14 years ago and at the time an urgent MRI was within 10 days. I hope that it’s similar for you, not really much advice on DP though. It sounds rubbish and I know my OH wasn’t the best at the time but has been fantastic since so it could mainly be worry in this case too

Original poster
WakeMeUpWhenDecemberEnds90 · 07/12/2023 18:31

@Lostintranslation7 gp has requested it to be urgent and asked me how flexible I could be with regards to coming in at short notice. I got a bit upset then and asked could it wait until after Christmas. He said that was ok. The earliest nuerolofy can see me is the start of February (private). Do you mind me asking what the outcome was of your investigations?

OP posts:
Lostintranslation7 · 07/12/2023 18:36

I was diagnosed with optic neuritis after the initial ophthalmology appointment and then after the MRI I was referred to a neurologist and eventually diagnosed with MS. It doesn’t mean that you will be though!! It could be a lot of different things but they will want to check you out to rule stuff out.

Pashazade · 07/12/2023 19:57

He drinks heavily and he's nasty to you, ummmm why are you still with him? Honestly the tiny percentage of nice is not worth it and he will only get worse if you're less capable of pandering to his neurotic insistence on things being done his way. He might be tired but the nappy bag nonsense and the way he spoke to you is totally out of order. Leave.
Hope it's not serious, but hope you have someone sympathetic in RL who can give you a hug because I'm sure it's really scary.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/12/2023 20:01

WakeMeUpWhenDecemberEnds90 · 07/12/2023 18:15

@contactus is it really bad that the gp told me that? Do you mind me asking if you're a HCP? Not being snarky, I'm just surprised that you think it's so shocking. He didn't confirm MS, but said he was worried it was a possibility.
@Redlorryyellowlorryblue he can be. Not always. But just feeling a bit vulnerable re the outcome of everything. As I said, I think he's secretly worried too and that's maybe why he's being like this but it's not helpful to me and makes me feel very vulnerable in case this does turn out to be something serious. He can't cope when I'm unwell and can be quite horrible. I've never been seriously unwell before (flu/covid) but when I had covid the second time, he seemed very resentful of me for getting sick

What was he like when you were pregnant? My ex became like this when I had pregnancy aches and pains

Wolfiefan · 07/12/2023 20:04

I am so sorry you’re not well. But he sounds bloody awful. Nasty and a drinker? Even if he’s occasionally lovely you deserve better than this.

Original poster
WakeMeUpWhenDecemberEnds90 · 08/12/2023 09:21

@contactus DD has been attending the nursery for about 2 years
@Pashazade tbh if we didn't have DD together I wouldn't be with him
@Unexpectedlysinglemum he was actually brilliant when I was pregnant. The best he's ever been. I had a few health issues then and he was incredibly supportive. He changed after DD was born and it was nearly like I was surplus to requirements at that point.
@Wolfiefan yes I definitely do think I deserve better. I've been contemplating leaving for a while now, but this has completely thrown a spanner into the works

OP posts:
contactus · 08/12/2023 12:16

WakeMeUpWhenDecemberEnds90 · 08/12/2023 09:21

@contactus DD has been attending the nursery for about 2 years
@Pashazade tbh if we didn't have DD together I wouldn't be with him
@Unexpectedlysinglemum he was actually brilliant when I was pregnant. The best he's ever been. I had a few health issues then and he was incredibly supportive. He changed after DD was born and it was nearly like I was surplus to requirements at that point.
@Wolfiefan yes I definitely do think I deserve better. I've been contemplating leaving for a while now, but this has completely thrown a spanner into the works

2 years of nursery and you have to get there thirty mins early for play time???

contactus · 08/12/2023 12:17

or did you mean nativity play?

Original poster
WakeMeUpWhenDecemberEnds90 · 08/12/2023 12:22

It was a Christmas show

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