Anyone's 3 year old ever say stuff like this?

[santasknackered]

When I say "I love that drawing you did, it's very good" he will say "no it's NOT good". Or if I say "that was kind of you" he will say "I'm NOT kind". Etc etc.

Anyone else's 3 year old do this?

My son has always said things like this and still sometimes does at 4! But my husband isn’t great with praise either. I have no insight in to why they might react like this but your son isn’t the only one!

I just keep offering praise and praise the effort he puts into drawings etc and he sometimes is happy for praise and sometimes disagrees with me. 🤷‍♀️

Mine was a contrary little git at times as well.

Backfired when she insisted she didn't like ice cream, though her sister enjoyed the brief moment of realisation when the giant triple chocolate brownie dessert came out just as she was yelling 'I DON'T LIKE ICE CREAM'.

She got her ice cream. Never said it again, though. 😂

I don't have personal experience of this but I would switch the focus away from the child being good/kind to "that was a kind thing to do, thank you" or "what a lovely drawing, I like the. . . " It sort of takes the pressure off being good. So their a person who did a good thing or whatever but you aren't judging that they are good. I'm not explaining myself well, might try again after a coffee!

Typo

My kids used to struggle with accepting compliments. Many adults do too. I used to be the same but I finally took my own advice!

I just taught them to smile and say thank you very much. I've coached adults at work and said the same thing. It usually stems from inherent modesty/embarrassment/self deprecation or just simply not knowing how to respond. I love it when I say to my modest DS that I'm very proud of him for XXX and he says thank you and smiles. It's like he's inwardly thinking yes, I'm proud of me too.

I hear you. And whilst I cannot help - I'd just like to say that 3 year olds say the weirdest shit. My 3 year old DD declared yesterday -

"When I was born, I went to grandad's house. And then I died".

I nearly died.

We get a LOT of backchat atm - I think it's awareness of conversations going on around them/tv programmes etc and the fact their vocabulary and understanding is widening and changing.

For instance, I asked DS to repeat himself, and he started with "I SAID...." at which point the TV went off.

And yes, 3 year olds do say the weirdest shit.

Yes definitely! Its probably a phase. Mine was incredibly contrary, it was almost like a power play.... she is 4 now and is no longer like it.

I used to do this as a very young child. I had extremely low self esteem (mainly due to undiagnosed ADHD) and hated myself.

I think I would read up on this behaviour, and check out what a child psychologist would say about it. If he's struggling with low self esteem then it's really important to help him with this now. Growing up with healthy self esteem and self confidence could make a huge difference in his future life.

My dd was a bit like that. I think they grow out of it quite quickly.

My boy had a spell of doing that. He'd call himself stupid, stinky, etc, if I praised him he'd rebel. He only did it for a few months, I wouldn't worry.

He is playing with words that is all. Don't worry about it, it's just a game to him. If you "react" it will reinforce it

I'm really surprised at the blasé comments on here.

Finding it difficult to accept praise or compliments is a sign of low self esteem. Perhaps "growing out of it" is actually learning how to mask their discomfort to be seen as "good"?

https://healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/Pages/Signs-of-Low-Self-Esteem.aspx

I agree that this isn't necessarily something to worry about and will probably pass. In the meantime maybe stick to praise that he can't contradict, eg 'I like xyz that you did' rather than anything about him as a person, like 'you're a good boy'. Keep being affectionate and let him know he is loved just for him, regardless of his actions, his artwork, or whatever.

My three year can sometimes get a bit like this. If she’s doing something like a drawing and it goes what she perceives as wrong. Her teacher at school suggested that we ‘get things wrong’ on purpose and then make out that it’s definitely not a big deal. We’ve also been encouraging her to practice to get better. If she hasn’t done as well as she wanted that it doesn’t matter because we can practice and try again.

Instead of saying it's good you could try specifically saying something you like about it. Then it remains just your personal opinion.

'I love that drawing you did, I especially like the colors you used and the way you filled up the whole page'

Mine went through a phase of asking why I liked something if I made a positive comment!

Yes and my assumption is it’s the need to be contrary. Whatever I say, they say the opposite.

My little one's current favourite phrase is 'Sharing is NOT caring'

He's 3, if you tell him the sky is blue then he'll probably tell you its not. At that stage of their life there are two things going on that will be causing them to say stuff like this.

Firstly, they'll have cottoned on to the fact that adults aren't always right. They make mistakes, they say the wrong thing. They have opinions that you don't share. "Dad says don't jump in the puddle, but jumping in the puddle is fun, so therefore Dad must be wrong" They then get a bit overenthusiastic about this and you get a lovely stage where your 3 year old decides that every single opinion they have has to be the opposite of their parents. If you're really lucky, that goes away for a few years after toddlerhood before reappearing when they're teenagers.

Secondly, they're starting to think critically about what they're doing. They know what the dinosaur they're trying to draw looks like in their heads, and the squiggle on the page looks nothing bloody like it, and how annoying is that! At 40, I'm still struggling with this one.

My DD hasn't ever said that but sometimes she tongue in cheek says things like

"This dinner is yucky bad" and then gives me a little cheeky smile whilst scoffing it 😂

Or

"Mummy, I'm going to put you in the bin" 🤣

She cracks me up.

I do think sometimes they just want to say and do the opposite of whatever you say, must be something to do with them learning that they're a separate person

I think they don't always know how to take a compliment.

My oldest was like that for a long time. If you said, "oh it's kind of you to give your chocolate bar to your friend" she'd reply "I didn't really like that one" or something.
I had to work hard to get her to say "thank you" and then be quiet. 🤣

He definitely knows he's loved, receives endless cuddles and kisses all day from us and says I love you too etc, plus is he really is a happy, lively, sociable little soul (apart from when he has a tantrum).

Hoping it's just the contradiction thing. He's always started saying a sweet "sorry" when he does something like accidentally hurt me or break something, and when I say "that's ok" or "no worries" he shouts an angry "NOT sorry!".

He's also taken to shouting "poopoo Daddy" when he first wakes up.

My cat would probably say the same if he could talk. Because the first place most people (and cats, apparently) head to when they get out of bed is the bathroom.

Haha! He isn't needing a poo - he can take himself there if he needs to. He just enjoys calling his daddy a poopoo

Yes. When mine was three, my MIL had looked after her while I was at work. When I got home, my daughter led me into another room where she whispered in my ear:

“Nanny tried to kill me.”