I really can't cope

[JackieSkellington]

I don't know what to do. I'm at breaking point. I'm not suicidal but I can't go on like this.

I am certain I have ADHD. The signs have been there since childhoood. I've muddled through life with it but everything seems to be coming to a head and things are finally falling apart.

No one has any clue how bad things are. I don't think anyone would believe me. I'm too ashamed even to admit here how much I have lost control of my life.

I must work. I'm single so my salary is the only household income but I dread each day and am barely functioning.

I have tried to get a diagnosis or help with ADHD but can't in my area and can't afford to go private.

DS also has ADHD I'm sure. He's a teen and the two things combined is too much for me to handle. His behaviour makes my anxiety skyrocket. I'm not equipped to deal with it. I'm trying to get help through school but he's not an obvious case.

I feel paralysed with anxiety, uncertainty and confusion. I don't know how to get out of this cycle and make life better. I've had therapy and medication for depression in the recent past. It's not the answer. CBT actually made me feel worse as there were all kinds of strategies I was supposed to remember and implement which I inevitability failed to.

I can feel how anxious you are. One of my sons is undiagnosed with ADHD, as is my brother, and I know how much support they need.
I also know how impossible it is to get state/NHS help, especially if you are an adult. I know waiting lists for assessment are 5 years + in some areas, and that even if you do go private for assessment, you then have to pay privately for any medications prescribed.
All I can suggest is that you find someone close to you who you trust, and ask them to help you , first of all to make a full list of what you actually need help with - I know with DS, it's a big overwhelming amorphous blur, and he finds it hard to break down the issues and what his steps might be.
When you've done, work through with them who else might be able to help with specific issues. For example, with writing letters and sorting out finances, and making applications. Someone else might help with setting up systems, or checking in on you regularly to make sure you are doing what you've agreed. There might be a different person who can take DS out occasionally, or help with homework.
But no one is going to do that if you don't tell them that you need help.
Is there anyone you could talk to in the first instance? A friend or family member?