Hello,
The situation between my partner and his ex is a very long story and it is a difficult past. To put it as shortly as possible, after having 2 beautiful children 18 months apart, they separated. But my partner didn’t want to move out and miss out on time with the children so spent a long time on the sofa, after about 6 months he moved out back with his parents. They had a difficult relationship as she has many mental health issues and would frequently change whether she wanted to try and make it a good coparenting relationship or a difficult one. About a year later, we met and our relationship blossomed very quickly. When she found out about it she sent myself, him and both of our families very aggressive threatening messages and said she would never allow him to see his children again. It was one of the situations of ‘doesn’t want him but doesn’t want anyone else to have him’.
After a month or so of us reporting but not pressing charges she decided to stop with the messages. She would often scream abuse at him when he would collect the children however and say things like “oh daddy doesn’t love us, don’t be sad you have me”. The children would often become very distressed about returning to mum and it was a difficult goodbye, often him having to put them to bed at her house and then her cornering him after and begging for him back or trying to make a move.
we have been together for over a year and are starting to look at homes together. Due to her threats of him not seeing the children again, he finds it very difficult to communicate with her about anything as she always says “don’t comment on how I look after my children or you just won’t see them”. Which causes lots of issues when they come over unclean or poorly fed or without inhalers…
she is very hypocritical about the rules she sets. It causes lots of issues between myself and my partner as I know he doesn’t want to lose the rights to his children but equally he can not let her hold that over him and control him forever. It makes our relationship difficult as I still feel like a secret, due to him having them every weekend- we can’t go out and do things together incase she sees us.
I believe it is time he is honest with her that I have met the children and accepts the consequences because she has no right to stop him. He could go to court and she was terrified last time he threatened this. Then they could have a fair 50/50 and it doesn’t depend on her mood.
What are your thoughts?