How to deal with hypochodriac

[whichwaytohome]

A (female) relative appears to have hypochondria. She is always phoning me, moaning about her problems and I'm finding it draining, but want to support as know that sometimes it may be warranted.

Why it irks me is that I had a 1.5cm colonic Tubulovillous Adenoma polyp removed nearly 5 years ago. At the time I was told I'd have to have surveillance colonoscopies every three years due to being at increased risk.

I've not had a colonoscopy since, and after chasing them they sent me a letter saying that procedures have changed I do not need one (under the guidelines those over 1cm should be checked).

My relative had a colonoscopy last year and they found nothing (no polyps, no bowel disease, etc), but has gone back to her GP again and they are now referring her for another (I'm not a doctor obviously, but understood that they generally grew from polyps over many years. Of course that doesn't preclude them arising from nowhere aggressively, but she seems to have them yearly).

She is also being investigated for kidney cancer, because a relative of ours died from it (when he was dying of kidney failure, she was telling the doctors that her kidney function was worse - although she hasn't been diagnosed with kidney failure).

She had a lump in her arms for years, she imagined that to be cancer and was referred for multiple tests, but is benign (not sure what, it's in her bicep).

She goes to the breast clinic yearly with new lumps and bumps.

She phones most days with new symptoms of impending life threatening illnesses. It sounds ridiculous written down, but it's tiring being phoned about all sort of worries all the time. I'm not sure how she even gets to see her GP as I couldn't even get an appointment when I had a bad asthma attack (which worsened until an ambulance was called and I was hospitalised).

There are so many more health complaints she has, ears are funny, she may be going blind, lumps on her head...etc, etc, added to the list, she also phones about other dramas in her life (everything is a drama).

I have to listen as one day (God forbid), she may be actually seriously ill, so I need to know how to field the drama, without it wearing me down.

Health anxiety is a condition all of its own.
However, if you are finding it all too much, all you can do is tell her you have stuff of your own going on at the minute so she needs to find support elsewhere.

My aunt was like that. Everything in life was a drama and her default setting was OTT - everything either wonderful or catastrophic..

When she did actually have untreatable cancer, no one took it seriously, as she had had something ‘life-threatening ‘ pretty much most of her adult life.

it’s difficult because it could be loneliness, part of a personality disorder, or health anxiety, all of which must be challenging for all concerned. But you need to find a way to limit the amount of attention you pay to her constant ‘niggles’ for your own sanity. Can you change the subject when she starts up. “That sounds difficult but your doctor/hospital/clinic seems to be on top of it, let’s talk about something cheerier”. Or, “it’s such hard work when all these body parts go rogue, let’s talk about something else and take our minds of it “ etc. what do you think she’d say or do, to that sort of response ?

I have health anxiety and its draining for everyone involved. I really appreciate my family's support but I also have to acknowledge that this is MY problem, not theirs.

I do seek reassurance when I'm in the midst of it, it's part of the compulsive aspect of an anxiety disorder, OCD etc, but it's taken years of practice to just not engage with it. Because one day, I probably will have a life threatening illness, as the majority of us will, and I need to be able to know I've tried my best to waste worry on an imaginary illness.

Tough love sometimes is needed in these situations. Tell her she's not physically ill, she has health anxiety, get on an SSRI and start getting better from her actual illness.