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Original poster

If you were a friend/aquaintance of mine, what would you be thinking.

25 replies

Wahtnow · 06/12/2023 14:14

My circumstances have changed quite a lot recently. After a long marriage, I've been single for c. years.

During our marriage we were quite careful and generally frugal, lived a simple life and the mortgage was paid off early.

Since I've been single (although the early days were really hard) I've discovered I'm a more lively person than I thought I was, I never realised I was missing out on travel and socialising etc, genuinely thought I was happy with a quiet life, but recently have really thrown myself into it as part of my "recovery" and loving it.

I've also managed to get myself a new job where I earn the very respectable salary I had before, but only need to work 3 days pw, plus DC have reached independence, so I have time and money.

So now, I am out with various friends "socialising" most weekends and I've had 5 foreign trips and 3 UK breaks this year. Mostly short breaks and not lavish accomodation, but I don't scrimp on activities or food. Some have been with friends, some with family and some alone.

I don't brag about it, but I am excited by it and do talk about my trips and nights out.

I'm aware that not everyone is as lucky and wonder if people will be pleased to see me enjoying life after a difficult time or wishing I'd shut up and stop reminding them these things aren't always possible for them?

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 06/12/2023 14:17

Real friends will be delighted for you. No one else matters.

Zimunya · 06/12/2023 14:17

As a complete stranger on Mumsnet, I'm happy for you, and would say congratulations are in order. I suspect that won't be the same reaction from friends and family, who will find the changes in you harder to process. That doesn't mean you shouldn't keep growing into the new person you're becoming, though!

catlovingdoctor · 06/12/2023 14:18

You definitely shouldn't apologise for enjoying yourself! You worked for the money to be able to do it!
As long as you aren't being outwardly crass about how much things cost (and it doesn't sound like you would be) you should be able to share these things and your friends ought to be pleased for you.

WinterParakeets · 06/12/2023 14:19

The fact that you are sensitive to this suggests you are not a PITA about it. But you are right to be sensitive. Mention what you are up to, but spend as much time being genuinely interested in friends' more mundane activities. Be aware that if you know people who would love to do something like this but can't afford to, you might need to reel it in a bit.

MumsyMoves · 06/12/2023 14:19

Your post brings a smile to this stranger. Good for you. You sound happy and that's what's so important in life after health.

You sound like you have social awareness so I don't think you'd be the type of person to brag. If friends or family show anything along the lines of they're irritated by your tales I think it would say more about them and their position in life than you and yours.

Good for you on being able to achieve this and be enjoying and living a happy fulfilled life 💐

xogossipgirlxo · 06/12/2023 14:20

Does it strain your friendships though? If not, then I think they should be pleased for you.

allaloneandlost · 06/12/2023 14:20

Happy for you :)

stayathomer · 06/12/2023 14:21

I’m thrilled for you, lovely post x

Stephisaur · 06/12/2023 14:21

I'd be incredibly envious! It all sounds absolutely brilliant and I'm happy that you are having fun :)

OhComeOnFFS · 06/12/2023 14:21

I think it sounds like you're having a great time now! As long as you can afford it, then keep going. Your real friends might be envious but they will be glad for you.

Igmum · 06/12/2023 14:22

Good for you, sounds great

ColleenDonaghy · 06/12/2023 14:26

I would be very happy for you and wildly jealous. Grin Good on you for making the most of your new freedoms.

MmedeGouge · 06/12/2023 14:32

Good for you!
Most good friends will be pleased and if they are a little envious they won’t give it away.

AuroraForever · 06/12/2023 14:38

Real friends would know how difficult it was for you through bad times and will be genuinely happy for you in the good times.

GMsAWinner · 06/12/2023 14:40

I'd be happy for you and if you want to see more of friends, hope I'd be included so I can hear all about your travels.

Seriously, don't worry about what others think. You've gone without before, which has helped pay off a mortgage and I guess means you'll get more out of the split. It's your time for enjoying yourself - have a great time!

KitchenAngst · 06/12/2023 14:41

I would be suspicious of any supposed friend who can't process their own feelings of envy at someone else's enjoyment/leisure.

My mother, for instance, only spends time with those for whom she can feel sorry -- those who are ill, unlucky, poor, unfortunate etc. She thinks she's 'being nice'; in fact I think it makes her feel powerful and secure. Even her own children can feel her switch off if they have had a stroke of good luck, a new achievement, or just phone her when feeling happy.

Has anyone actually expressed any problem with your newfound happiness, OP? Or is this you feeling you don't deserve it, or being too afraid to relax into it?

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 06/12/2023 14:41

It would be a mix of emotions for me (from experience of how I view my friends) - thrilled that you're in a good place and finding yourself, but probably also judging your carbon footprint of travel to some extent, but then not saying anything about it because it's highly likely you're aware of the environmental impact of foreign travel and have made your decision anyway so let's not make things awkward!
I always enjoy hearing about my friends exciting adventures - it's not their fault that I am in a different financial situation. I am not friends with the types of people who would brag or gloat over this.

fuckssaaaaake · 06/12/2023 14:45

I like you

ZoeyBartlett · 06/12/2023 15:55

I'd be thrilled for you and suggesting a foreign trip together.

SinnerBoy · 06/12/2023 16:00

I'd think "Good for you!" You only get one go at this world and if you're comfortable and enjoying yourself, that's great.

Ffsnotaconference · 06/12/2023 16:02

I'm aware that not everyone is as lucky and wonder if people will be pleased to see me enjoying life after a difficult time or wishing I'd shut up and stop reminding them these things aren't always possible for them?

i would be happy for you if you were my friend. I wouldn’t use the word ‘deserve’.

If I was an acquaintance I would be neither. I can’t say I have ever looked at an acquaintances lifestyle and thought ‘oh I am so happy for them they have had a hard time’, I would know that or be that invested to decide wether you ‘deserve’ it.

I am guessing though that some of your friends/ acquaintances aren’t so happy for you.

So if they are good friends, maybe you aren’t just sharing your life with them. Maybe it’s too much or you do it in a way that comes across as bragging. Or if you talk about how you deserve it, it can imply that other people don’t.

If you really think about it and deep down you know they aren’t great friends and you aren’t interested in keeping them, ignore them and crack on. Enjoy yourself.

If acquaintances think you are boasting, maybe you are just over sharing.

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 06/12/2023 16:04

I read your post, smiled and thought ‘good on ya’, OP.

Original poster
Wahtnow · 06/12/2023 16:59

Ffsnotaconference · 06/12/2023 16:02

I'm aware that not everyone is as lucky and wonder if people will be pleased to see me enjoying life after a difficult time or wishing I'd shut up and stop reminding them these things aren't always possible for them?

i would be happy for you if you were my friend. I wouldn’t use the word ‘deserve’.

If I was an acquaintance I would be neither. I can’t say I have ever looked at an acquaintances lifestyle and thought ‘oh I am so happy for them they have had a hard time’, I would know that or be that invested to decide wether you ‘deserve’ it.

I am guessing though that some of your friends/ acquaintances aren’t so happy for you.

So if they are good friends, maybe you aren’t just sharing your life with them. Maybe it’s too much or you do it in a way that comes across as bragging. Or if you talk about how you deserve it, it can imply that other people don’t.

If you really think about it and deep down you know they aren’t great friends and you aren’t interested in keeping them, ignore them and crack on. Enjoy yourself.

If acquaintances think you are boasting, maybe you are just over sharing.

I don't think I did use the word "deserve"?

OP posts:
SwishSwashSwooshSwersh · 06/12/2023 17:03

I’d be over the moon if any of my friends found themselves in your situation

LakeTiticaca · 06/12/2023 17:19

Good for you!!! It matters not one jot what others think. You've worked hard, brought up children, now is the time for you to have some fun
Can I come with you on your next trip? 😁

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