What happens if married parents cannot agree on child's surname?

[Cleaningclueless]

Ms Smith is married to Mr Jones. Ms Smith gives birth. Mr Jones has parental responsibility, being married to the mother. They go to register the birth but can't agree on the surname. What happens then? Is there a default position? Does the registrar toss a coin?

Well, Ms Smith can technically register the baby without her husband being present so can chose whichever name she wants, though I would assume she isn't going to do that in an otherwise healthy relationship.

I would assume that the registrar would need both parents who are present to agree to all information on the form (you have to inspect it and sign, if I remember correctly?). If either parent contests the content or provides conflicting information, I imagine the registrar would not be able to register the birth and the parents would need to come back another day when they've made a decision. It's not up to the registry office to adjudicate these situations.

I think bringing up children through ~20 years of babyhood, nappies, toddlers, tantrums, primary, friends, secondary, teenagers, etc is hard.

Choosing a name together should be easy.

So if the couple can't manage this bit, assume they have fuck all chance of staying together and bringing up a child.

As they are married Mr Jones could also register the birth on his own.

There's no automatic guidance if they both turn up (although why would they if they hadn't decided yet?) and can't agree on a name the baby won't be registered and they will eventually be fined. But as the pp said if they can't even agree on that good luck for the rest of the marriage!

Edited to add that there's no default position because the baby doesn't HAVE to have either parents surname - they could call it baby Smones/baby Joth or even something completely unrelated like Roberts or whatever. https://deedpolloffice.com/change-name/law/birth-registration#:~:text=Parents%20have%20can%20give%20their,)%20%E2%80%94%20or%20something%20completely%20different.

If they can't agree at the point of registering then this suggests larger issues within the relationship.

If they are undecided because of name flow/not wanting to upset people then that's a different issue. They could give the child an entirely different surname, if they wished.

Registrar here. Don't turn up without having agreed a name. We have 20 mins to do the registration and issue certificates. We don't have time to listen to you argue.
As you are married either parent can go and register the birth without the other one.

Have to say i agree with this. Double barrel?

But what if they can't/won't agree? Does it have to go to court? This is not me btw. I'm well past the baby years. I am inspired by the other thread in AIBU.

From my point of view I wouldn't register. The parents would receive a letter after 42 days. It would be flagged to the General Register Office. Further action wouldn't come from the local office. I have been required to register a child over 2 years of age whose birth wasn't registered, and needed special GRO permission to do so. I have no idea if it was court ordered.

Thank you, that's very interesting.

I was thinking about the idea of giving babies the mother's name as default. I'm all for it. When I was married and naming children I would always capitulate to my husband, but I thought I was being reasonable. I wouldn't have had the bus fare to get to the register office by myself. Now there's no way I would give a DC the father's surname but I was thinking of the practicalities. If you are in a relationship with somebody who is quite controlling you dont see it for quite some time so you can be oblivious and sleepwalk into situations. So if I could go back in time I really don't think I would have had any say in the DC names even if I was quite resolute in wanting them to have my name.

This. A couple were actually having a quite vociferous argument in the next cubicle when we went to register DS, and ended up being escorted out by security -- not sure whether the baby was actually registered on that occasion or not! I remember it because we were still discussing what order to put our surnames in DS's birth cert. He was always going to have both, but we were still saying them out loud to ourselves and trying the order as we went to the register office.

Are you saying this imaginary couple were arguing over Smith Vs Jones? Why not Smith Jones?

About two thirds of DS's classmates use both parents' surnames.

With unmarried couples I always strongly advise they use mother's surname. Should they marry, they re-register the birth and baby can be changed to dad's surname then if they want to. It is very difficult to change a child's name and if dad is on the birth certificate then mum can't do it by change of name deed without his permission.
I've had so many mother's use dad's surname and regret it, even had one come back the same day to change it, but it's too late!
Sometimes we can spot coercion or something about a power imbalance in the relationship but beyond advising we can't do anything and it's horrible.

My ex just went out and registered the birth and ignored all my wishes and that was that. Only bit of admin he actually ever did!
So if you don’t agree, you can also be a bit of a bastard about it but obviously it doesn’t go down well

Fight to the death

The one who gets to the registrar first wins?

I see this is an older thread but I'd love to know the back story. Feckless? Born abroad (though how did they get in the country)? Home birth and deliberately under the radar? Coercive control? On the run from social services?

If parents are married, dad can register the birth alone…my dh did that when we had ours

Regarding babies having their mother’s name I’ve always thought that should be the default…In Scotland the tartan you wear is traditionally your mother!s clan, not your father’s, based on a person pretty much 100% sure of who their mother is, but the same can’t be said of the fathers….my dh and my ds wear different tartans because of this (it helps that they’re both lovely tartans😂)

From memory I think baby was born during COVID and wasn't registered whilst the office was shut...for a time we were only registering deaths.
The baby just slipped through the net. They child was actually registered when mum came to register a new baby. During COVID parents could claim child benefit without the birth certificate so for many the impetus was lost.

That's understandable but boring!

This was me and my ex partner when we were naming DD, we decided to double barrel and drop one of the surnames by the time she started school (assuming we’d be married by then), we ended up splitting up and now we’re in a position where neither of us wants to drop our surname from her name so the poor love has got quite a long double-barrelled surname!

Fortunately, she seems to like having both of our surnames :)