If you weren't close to your mum as a teen did it improve?

[OwlBeGone]

Dd and I aren't close, which I feel very sad about. I think I annoy her. She's been gone at university since September (couple of visits since though) and I worry we'll never be closer than we are. She's 18 nearly 19.

I don't know why it's happened. She's had various issues, including mental and physical health which I've tried to support her with. I tell her I love her and I'm proud of her. I take interest in her life and her friends. Do I just sit this out and try and maintain loving and interested contact with her?

Lots in interesting experiences, thanks to everyone who's responded. It's been good to have things put into perspective by those who have had more emotionally distant or difficult mums.

My own mum had me and my siblings in a very abusive marriage and although she left when I was 2 my older siblings were very badly affected. I've had anxiety and depression on and off though under control for last few years, which is bound to have affected dd. On paper though, dd has had a vastly different and better upbringing than me but when you're from dysfunction yourself, how do you judge what's not damaging and if you're actually being damaging in your own mothering?

I'm not sure it's the right time to try and have a more open conversation with her about our relationship as I think it would be more for my own selfish reasons. She's a young woman who is just starting to make her own way in the world and I think I have to expect her to pull away. The worry I have is that it's a more permanent pulling-away but I struggle to know what's normal because of my own situation with my mum.

We weren’t close when I was growing up, had quite a tempestuous relationship when I was a teen. She’s never been maternal or demonstrative with her love.
Much better and closer as soon as I had children, our relationship changed and we are really close now.
I’ve always felt very close to my own dc, I would hope they said the same.

I had almighty rows with my Mum as a teen. She seemed to refuse to accept I was growing up but I was a bit wild. I stayed out later than agreed, spent far more time Messing about and rarely did my homework all of which infuriated my parents. Once I married and especially after I had my DC we became very close and remained close until her death when I was 50.

No.

My DM was completely disconnected from my reality, she expected me to have no social life, to not travel, to have no ambition, to not want to try new foods or new sports. It was suffocating and joyless. I couldn't cope with it.

I was out of the house at every opportunity from about 13 onwards. Left for uni at 18, seldom went home. When I did, she spent her time asking me 'what time would I be back' and then complaining if it was after 9.30pm. She disapproved of everything.

It only settled down when she was in her 70s and reliant on me to take her out for the day.

I think if you celebrate other's achievements and don't judge, then things can change. But not otherwise.