Death and thoughts of it

[nameychangio675]

I recently turned 40 which suddenly brought my own mortality into sharp focus. I realised I no longer felt "young" and that I was aging. Had a health check up and everything looks fine but also started reading a book on longevity and been making an effort to go to the gym more etc. I am pretty health, don't drink.

However recently it feels like I know SO MANY people of varying ages who have died or are dying of horrible diseases and it is starting to preoccupy my mind. I just found out a lovely former colleague who is the same age has incurable cancer and is in a hospice. She only found out a few weeks ago. It has had me in bits.

I just find it so shocking and upsetting. I am thinking about this all the time and I want to pull myself back from the abyss of worrying about death and not seeing my DCs again. Any help or insight appreciated. I should add that I work in clinical negligence so see where medical treatment goes wrong, which doesn't help.

Others might think it's bonkers on here but I'll write some of them anyway because for me they really helped me change my mindset.

One of the things that happened multiple times was my partner and I sharing hallucinations of the same thing but from different perspectives. We hadn't discussed or said anything that might have encouraged the other one to think they were seeing the same thing but afterwards when we talked about what we had experienced it was often the same thing but from our own angles. And I know it sounds crazy but on a few occasions I experienced other beings that weren't of this world. I know people will say that they were hallucinations but for me it felt more like a doorway had been opened to different places. It's made me feel sure that whatever happens when we die, it's not nothing and that there's more out there than we really know or could experience in this life.

I'm not scared of my own death but since my mum died and knowing that sort of grief I get fearful of dh dying before me because I know I'll have to feel that pain again and I'm not sure I could cope it's been a tough ride but I do believe in life after death and I take comfort in that.

I'm the same and have had terrible health anxiety since my newborn nearly died 14 years ago. I've also had cancer and some rare and unusual health issues. I catarophise any illness because when I had cancer everyone told me I was fine (and I had a clear mammogram) but I did have breast cancer (again, a rare type that doesn't show on normal scans). So now I don't believe anyone when they say I'm fine.
The worst thing is that the stress and anxiety that this creates does actually cause physical health issues. I have tacchycardia, muscle twitches, stomach aches, lots of muscle aches and pains from tension.
It's leaving my DC without a mum that is my greatest fear.

@Notcookie it is my fear too - the thought that one day I won't be with them again. I don't care about myself if that makes sense.

Yes absolutely. If I was single with no kids I still wouldn't want to die but I wouldn't be so obsessed about it. It's knowing the pain that I would put my kids through that I just can't handle.

I don't fear it at all. If anything, I'm looking forward to finally getting a good sleep.

That’s a really interesting take @Timspam

I’m 51, I do worry about dying or loved ones dying. I hate the thought of having a long painful illness and the effect on my family. I am a catastrophiser though and am working on it. Don’t want to worry my life away.