I can’t cope with the neighbours harassment anymore

[Stockingchocs]

My neighbour has been bullying me since I moved to my house 2 yr ago. I don’t know what started it but she became intimidating and noisy, wouldn’t speak to me and made it clear she strongly disliked our presence. We have put up with her behaviour for so long and now I just can’t cope any longer. I have tried to move house so many times but it’s impossible. Private renting isn’t feasible right now, no one wants my home by mutual exchange due to the area it’s in. I have tried to report her but she denies it and gets away with it. It’s worn me down so much I am constantly on edge, have anxiety and panic attacks and generally feel scared being home or coming home (as she watches me from the window). I can’t relax in my own home and my children are nervous about being children as they know she will start her routine of loud noises when they go to bed. We had a run in recently where she told me my washing machine wakes her at 3am every night. I don’t run my washing machine until 10am. She told me I’m a liar and that my children walk too loudly so I’m a bad parent and they will be better off with their dad (who is in prison for abusing me). The things she was shouting at me were completely nuts but it still got me worked up because she is clearly watching and listening all the time and trying to provoke me by hurting me with information she has somehow found. It took me a long time to get this house after we escaped domestic violence so it was supposed to be our safe space. Now I just feel scared of the neighbour because I don’t know what she’ll do next. No one wants to help me. I feel like I’m on the brink of a break down. I don’t have the mental energy to keep complaining because I know the council will ignore it. Whenever I do she kicks my front door and threatens to hurt me. She denies it to the police and then other neighbours protect her because she has turned them against me. I have no support in real life. I try to meet up with friends for a break but they cancel last minute and my family are not to be relied on. I feel so alone and like I am failing my children because of how this woman makes me feel. I have tried to ignore it, trust me I have tried everything for the past 2 yr, but nothing helps and now it’s affecting my mental health. I wonder if making myself homeless is the way to go and letting my children be cared for by people who can do it better. At least we’ll be away from this situation. Can anyone suggest steps I can take please? I would be so grateful to have someone to talk to.

Ring doorbell. Cctv. Keep a diary and report to the council..

Ring doorbell. Diary. I am not Uk but are you a council tenant? Report constantly to Council if either of you are. Ask them can they provide you with a noise monitor.

You don't need to be a council tenant to get them involved..

Former social housing officer here, and I will try to give you some advice on what to do. Also had bad neighbours at a previous address so you have my sympathy. The key to fixing this is STRATEGY. Sorry to say but she seems quite brazen, and that is good for collecting evidence. Get yourself a CCTV on the main entrance and high enough that it cannot be easily vandalised. Make sure it is a product that records footage. My CCTV relays to my phone so I can see who is at the door or in my garden. Take photographs of any damage to doors etc. I have a sign on the gate telling anyone coming onto my land there is CCTV active. Report each and every incident to the police in writing. You don't have to ring them, but you can use the online form. You will need to get a crime incident reference number. They will get fed up of you and will assign a community police officer as a point of contact (that is good as you can get an email to report every event). There will be an anti-social behaviour officer at the council, who may work in environmental health. Get in touch with them in writing by email and report every incident. They can work collaboratively with the police, and you can identify yourself to all agencies as a vulnerable person (former domestic violence victim with anxiety etc and a parent to minor children). They have the powers to charge your neighbour with hate crime if she comes after you on personal grounds, as well as trespass and harassment. When she gets in a slanging match, just smile and ignore her. Go grey rock, but record each and every incident. I am assuming from what you have written that you are in social housing. There will be a housing officer and housing manager who you can write to. Pull the council/ housing association policy on anti social behaviour. Keep reporting the neighbour over and over, every time she gives you grief. Kicking your door is vandalism and if you have that on CCTV from inside the property then it is good evidence to support the housing officer doing an eviction. If she causes noise nuisance, report her to the environmental health team and they can pursue statutory nuisance. Fighting back is the best way to sort this out, even though it may feel exhausting and drawn out. As for your personal well-being, go and see your GP. Explain the situation at home and ask to be referred to community mental health services. Ask for a letter of support for your housing complaint in the sense of it impacting your mental health. You are entitled to see a therapist or counsellor. This isn't a magic solution to your neighbour but it will give you someone to chat to. Ring shelter as well for a chat. Standing up for yourself using the legal channels is the way to solve this. It is not a quick procedure but if the police and other agencies start taking an interest, your neighbour may decide to pipe down. If your neighbour owes a fortune in rent, your reports will pile on top and might lead to an eviction. Keep everything in writing and consult the housing ombudsman service if your landlord is not meeting the standards of response set out in their code of conduct. Best of luck

Thank you everyone. I am having such a hard time. I spoke to someone from environmental health this morning who were useless. Recording everything will be so time consuming for me and I’ll have to sit and listen and wait to begin recording. I’m worried I’ll lose my home if she reports me as although she needs evidence of her claims it seems like people like her always win.

How are you getting on with your move hope everything is better, or getting better. i have had the same problem with my neighbour just reading through Google to get advice and saw your post. my neighbour is a idiot I moved in about 9 years ago in a quiet block of flats no noise everything quiet got on with all my neighbours didn't even meet him for about two years then one day saw him when I got home from work said hello since then he's been banging on my wall all day long as soon as I get in withing 5 minutes he kicks off banging on my wall screaming banging the kitchen cupboards slamming his front door it goes on til about half 4 in the morning ,(I have to get up at 6) he never says anything when I talk to I ask if he's alright he just walks away then the noise carries on it's everyday now i just asked the council to move me , the thing is no one has do deal with it cos I'm he's next door neighbour in a quiet flat I hear him going mad everyday he's got cameras up outside pointing at my car, if I put rubbish in the bins he will tip he's rubbish outside my door he even opens he's door every time I walk outside and stares he's an idiot I can't wait to move hopefully il be out of this mess soon

Go hard. It seems at this stage you have nothing to lose. She also sounds obnoxious so I'm sure this will be very obvious to anyone who encounters her

Try Victim Support. They will give you advice and support in this situation. They do have a section for anti social behaviour. I expect you are feeling pretty vulnerable because of the horrible domestic abuse you have suffered. This will make things feel so much worse. It may be that you would have coped better if you weren’t already traumatised. Victim support can give you strategies for coping. Good luck, it sounds horrible especially after all you’ve already suffered. Remember this is not your fault, just a really unfortunate coincidence.

Not for environmental health noise complaints, no.

But OP does if she want help with her tenancy/neighbour does if OP wants her evicted for breaching her tenancy contract by causing harassment and antisocial behaviour.

OP contact your LL (assuming you and neighbor share the same LL) and ask what evidence they need, then set out to provide it. It's possibly going to be 2yrs of evidence because evictions from housing association/council property is a very last resort.

Get help from your GP for your MH. If you can't change the situation you need a way of coping with it.

You say family are unreliable. Family, his and yours, are who will first be approached to take on the DC if you turn them over into care. Being in a children's home or with a string of foster carers isn't necessarily going to be any less damaging for them than living in this situation with you. Ditto being deprived of you if they're placed with his family who decides to make things difficult for you.

If you make yourself homeless what do you plan to do for yourself? Because the council won't house you, you'll be left to secure private rental. I appreciate this could be easier as a single effectively childfree person who could rent a room, but will you really be any happier, separated from your DC?

Can you afford to private rent anything at all? I'd move with DC into a one bedroom flat if necessary/possible. I suspect life is unlikely to improve there if multiple neighbors are bullying you. Unless you feel you could ignore the rest if this one was dealt with.

Be strong and don't let this individual intimidate you. Use voice recorder on your mobile, get a door ring bell and write down every incident, times and dates. If you are in the UK and are a housing association tenant you need to lodge a formal complaint against them ( not the individual) as they are not doing their job properly by investigating these incidents correctly. If you are not happy with their reply, then you need to escalate the complaint, if you are still not satisfied you can take your grievance to the Housing Ombudsman and they will investigate. As for the police not taking you seriously, lodge a formal complaint against them and then you will see some action and them taking you seriously. You have to fight these individuals. When she kicked your door, you need to report it, no matter if the police do not come out or take seriously, report everything and keep a log of all the dates and times and who you reported it to and their response, do it by email/letter etc you need a paper trail. Dont phone housing, email them, so you have all the proof. Dont trust your landlord as they will fob you off time after time, but get serious with them and you will see some proper actions. Are you in flats? is there adequate insulation? does she has lmainated flooring? Another thing, you must make it clear this woman's actions are affecting your mental health, you have become anxious and afraid and you are concerned for your children too. Get to a GP and tell them how you are feeling due to this woman ( dont say suicidal) they may say, move or offer you pills, dont worry about that, you just need it logged on your medical notes that you have seen a doctor about what the neighbour is doing to your MH. I work for a Housing Association so they advice I am given you will help. Try your best to get some evidence...if she is banging on her floor, get that voice recorder to record her banging. Best of Luck to you. Try your hardest not to be intimidated, i know it is not easy.......

Try and get evidence, perhaps using your phone.

If not things could escalate. Unfortunately some people have been bullies almost all their lives. They need help

They are not happy people.

Hope things turn out well for you

I had horrible neighbours a couple of years ago. They were absolute scrotes. A couple of betracksuited crackheads and their 5 adult children just sat at home all day causing trouble. I had the misfortune of needing to move there as it was adapted and I was laid up in bed for 2 weeks unable to move after surgery. I think the mother had low self esteem about her own circumstances so she was absolutely vicious. Landlord (social) didn't want to know. We ended up moving - and then when I was better we took action against the landlord. I got all my moving costs back plus compensation. Now I'm on the residents panel of an organisation that deals with antisocial behaviour.

What I would suggest is as others have said:

1. Get a ring doorbell. Pay the £4.99 a month and keep the recordings of anything antisocial.
2. Keep a diary that corresponds with the proof you have.
3. Grey rock her. Do not respond. Don't give her attention. If she tries to be friendly or speak to you about anything at all, walk in the opposite direction and say "I don't want to talk now, thank you". It will be hard and maybe you will look mad but as you say the other neighbours don't like you anyway so you have nothing to lose.

Regarding your swap... There were 22 houses on my street. They were only a couple of years old. Usually you will find people want new builds, and there's usually one house on each street looking to move. There were 12 houses at any given time up for swap on my street! There are still 8 now! When you put the name of my town in, they all appear on the first page. It's scumville. People are embarrassed to live there. The houses were beautiful but have been ruined. People would find out where I lived when I posted, then block me. So please believe me, I know where you're coming from. Your swapper is out there. The best thing you can do is compromise. We swapped from a 3 bed to a 2. It's not ideal but we manage. If you can't do that, pick something else you will compromise on. The swapper will be compromising won't they? As they will have your horrible neighbour and rubbish landlord. Things to consider...
If you have a house- take a flat?
Nicely decorated - take on something that needs work?
1.5 bathrooms - sacrifice a downstairs toilet?
Secure council tenancy - swap for assured HA?
If you have fitted blinds then make a point of saying you are leaving them. Little things like that sell your home when it comes to swapping. Are you on the Facebook swap pages? I only had Facebook briefly to use those but they reach far more people than Homeswapper.

I hope you're OK. Sorry for the essay above but I was where you are a few years ago. Life does get better and you may one day even laugh at home pathetic they were being.

Been complaining about next neighbours for nearly 2 years,l really need a noise machine to record them, pair of nasty women.but council wants more evidence, if they ever get round to it l will probably be deceased,it'd not fair amount of time that l have been waiting, mentally exhausted with it all continous.

I know it is hard but I would totally ignore the neighbour by not saying how are you or anything. Not even eye contact. If he has mental health issues that is the only solution.