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Original poster

Daughter's 'step mum' making her lie

28 replies

Bosscat01 · 05/12/2023 18:38

Hi,
I was wondering whether anyone could give me some advice. My friend's daughter has made horrendous accusations towards her mum and step dad. Her personality has changed considerably, she even falls out with, and hits, her sisters whom she used to adore. The only explanation for this is the ex's partner, let me give a little back story here....the girls dad was never interested in his daughter, but when he got a new girlfriend (when the daughter was about 3) he all of a sudden became very interested. It turned out that his new girlfriend really wanted children, but can't have any. The girlfriend has been overstepping the mark for years, trying to become their daughter's favourite. Now, things have ramped up as the daughter has now started making accusations against her real mum and step dad. Knowing her mum and step dad, it's heartbreaking to see as they love their daughter and have been amazing parents to her, but this girlfriend is doing all she can to turn the daughter for against them.

What can my friend do? There must be a safeguarding law out there because is this grooming? How does my friend get her daughter back and rid their lives of this toxic person? Any advise would be much appreciated.

Thanks

OP posts:
ElevenSeven · 05/12/2023 18:41

How do they know it’s the stepmum?

Original poster
Bosscat01 · 06/12/2023 07:31

it’s not her dad because he was never interested in her before he started seeing her. Why would anyone else turn her away from her parents? It’s working too because she’s now living with her because she’s being turned against them. She can do what she likes round there, no rules apply so she’s going to be loving that!

I appreciate some people may question what I’m saying, but what I’m after is some knowledge about what people can do in this situation. Does anyone know what they can do legally?

Thanks

OP posts:
NextPrimeMinister · 06/12/2023 08:07

Well if the accusations are horrendous, then your mate is going to deny them, true or not.

I think a child can decide from age 11 where to live?

Interested in this thread?

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Families
Nothingbuttheglory · 06/12/2023 08:10

it’s not her dad because he was never interested in her before he started seeing her.

I'm not sure about this logic.

What are the accusations and to whom have they been made? Are social services/police involved?

BoohooWoohoo · 06/12/2023 08:20

How old is the daughter?
As a pp said, if she’s 11+ then the daughter can choose how much contact she has with each parent - even zero contact.

harriethoyle · 06/12/2023 08:23

I'd LOVE to hear the other side of this story.

But, well done, OP! Blame the step mum regardless of any evidence, or lack thereof 🙄

WhamBamThankU · 06/12/2023 08:23

My daughter has been brainwashed in a similar way but by both dad and step mum. It's clear parental alienation in my case, I suggest your friend tries to put a stop to this before it goes any further.

WomanFromTheNorth · 06/12/2023 08:41

How do you know the accusations aren't true? How old is the girl?

determinedtomakethiswork · 06/12/2023 08:44

It's not hard to believe this can happen. It's called parental alienation and it's acknowledged by everyone. I don't know why people are putting the blame on the girl's mother.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/12/2023 08:48

What are the accusations? What’s your friend done to counter them? Why’s she hitting her siblings if she doesn’t live there anymore?

How old is the daughter?

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/12/2023 08:50

Statistically it’s far more likely the accusations about the step dad are correct than that the step mum is lying.

CheekyHobson · 06/12/2023 08:51

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/12/2023 08:50

Statistically it’s far more likely the accusations about the step dad are correct than that the step mum is lying.

Came here to say exactly this.

Tdcp · 06/12/2023 10:18

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/12/2023 08:50

Statistically it’s far more likely the accusations about the step dad are correct than that the step mum is lying.

Absolutely. It's possible the mother has been blind sided by her 'amazing' boyfriend who has groomed her and then abused the child. It's more likely this has happened than the step mother is lying enough to create such a drastic change of behaviour in an 11 year old.

Orangeteatime · 06/12/2023 10:37

What are the accusations and are social services involved? How old is the girl? Who have the mum and step-dad contacted for help?
The mum and step-dad could try asking school for help; it is possible some mediation might be available, or counselling for the girl.

Original poster
Bosscat01 · 06/12/2023 17:05

You know what, don’t worry about it. All I wanted was some advice about what a parent can do if someone is brain washing their child and everyone’s missing the point and making their own judgements.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bosscat01 · 06/12/2023 17:08

Thank you! I just wanted some advice on where the parents stands and what she can do to stop this woman from poisoning the girls mind. Instead, everyone’s judging them and the situation

OP posts:
Original poster
Bosscat01 · 06/12/2023 17:09

Keep your judgements to yourselves, it’s not what I asked for. What’s wrong with you? Sickos

OP posts:
Original poster
Bosscat01 · 06/12/2023 17:10

Oh my god, I can’t believe this message

OP posts:
CheekyHobson · 06/12/2023 17:20

What a surprise that absolutely no further details that might help determine whether there is a realistic case for parental alienation, or whether there might be grounds to think the mum and step-dad are responsible for their daughter's withdrawal from them, have been given about the situation.

CheekyHobson · 06/12/2023 17:23

Due to the extreme reaction from OP, my guess is there's no "friend" involved here, it's actually the mum posting and looking for a way to blame her ex's partner instead of listening to the 'horrendous accusations' her daughter has made against her partner and herself.

Theunamedcat · 06/12/2023 17:30

CheekyHobson · 06/12/2023 17:23

Due to the extreme reaction from OP, my guess is there's no "friend" involved here, it's actually the mum posting and looking for a way to blame her ex's partner instead of listening to the 'horrendous accusations' her daughter has made against her partner and herself.

Bingo

SchoolQuestionnaire · 06/12/2023 17:43

The only explanation for this is the ex's partner

As pp’s have said, this isn’t the only explanation. This poor child could well have been abused and no one is listening to her. The best thing for everyone to do is to report to the relevant authorities and let the experts get to the bottom of it. Hopefully the dad and step mum are already seeking help.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 06/12/2023 17:48

Knowing her mum and step dad, it's heartbreaking to see as they love their daughter and have been amazing parents to her, but this girlfriend is doing all she can to turn the daughter for against them.

And frankly, I’m always sceptical when I hear stories of children being turned against their ‘amazing parents’. Kids aren’t stupid. And I don’t think it’s common for them to lie about their parents or caregivers abusing them. There is more to this.

LimeCheesecake · 06/12/2023 17:49

OP - how old is the daughter? When did the personality change (including fighting/hitting sisters) start?

Is the step dad the father of the sisters?

Im assuming the accusations are about sexual abuse. You should take those seriously, even if your friend is convinced her dh is innocent.

what your friend should do - believe her child. Cooperate with any investigation. Could your home be a neutral location for your friend to see her dd?

MargaretThursday · 06/12/2023 18:18

I knew a child who started behaving very similar to this from being a delightful little one she totally changed.

Turned out the mums boyfriend was abusing her. He arrived on the scene a couple of months before her personality changed.

Please take any accusations seriously.

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