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Original poster

Health visitor visit today

14 replies

aladdinn · 04/12/2023 17:48

Okay so as not to drip feed as this may be relevant but not sure. I have 2 children and currently pregnant with number 3.
About 6 months ago I mistakenly took too much paracetamol, 4 extra tablets over a 24 hour period, I have significant back issues which is how it happened as I was having a particularly hard day that day. I called the gp when I realised as I absolutely shit myself after googling, they sent me to the hospital for bloods just being cautious.
When there I was immediately referred to social services by a doctor who hadn't even spoke to me. A couple of days later they rang, I explained what happened, it was cleared up and case closed.

So back to today - I had the pre assessment health visitor visit at home, fine, not an issue as I haven't opted out of their services or anything.
Hv came and asked usual questions then said oh I see there was ss involvement but it was closed down I nodded and she moved into her next questions about if anyone smokes in the house etc.
Dd 16 months has a small scratch beneath her eye where she has scratched herself, the Hv was constantly asking dd what she had done to her face etc, I never answered for her as I thought it was pretty obvious what it was, eventually she asked me directly so I told her what it was from. Okay fine.
Then she was saying she could see another mark on dds face, at this point I said there is no mark there (there wasn't it was just the lighting on her little dimples that babies have under their eyes causing a shadow) she then agreed it was just the light in the room. She seemed to then change her tune a little and become a little warmer towards me.
I should add I have anxiety and ocd which is all over my files because I have always been open and am medicated.

I was really upset when she left, especially when she said she has no concerns with dd, because she wasn't even there to see her this was a visit about current pregnancy !
I guess I'm asking has anyone been in a similiar situation? Or can I just chalk it up to her reading my file beforehand. seen I had a phonecall off ss once and jumping to conclusions ?
I feel like opting out now as I was made to feel like I was getting dd, it's like she was looking for something...

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 04/12/2023 18:36

When the HV comes, it’s to see any children in the house, not just for the baby you’re expecting.

NannyGythaOgg · 04/12/2023 18:59

Really don't worry. Of course the HV is interested in your children as well as your pregnancy. If there was any chance you weren't coping with the children you have now, then you may need extra support
Any referral is recorded and stays on your file (unfairly in many cases) but, at most, it alerts health care professionals to double check - which this one has done. You have, from what you have said, reassured her, and there should be no further problem (although new people may also take extra care).
Please don't opt out, this would raise more concerns and add an extra '?' on your file.

If you or your children need support at any time, you really want them on your side

Beaniebeemer · 04/12/2023 19:03

But if you do genuinely need help they won’t actually support you!! They are nothing more than a surveillance operation.

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Original poster
aladdinn · 04/12/2023 19:17

No I won't opt out, I realise that would raise questions. I just felt abit under investigation I suppose... it isn't a nice way to be made to feel.
Thing is if I needed support I would ask for it. I know some people don't though.

OP posts:
wishuponastar1988 · 04/12/2023 19:26

It isn't nice to feel that way but it is their job to be curious and ask questions. For what it's worth, I am a social worker working on a safeguarding team and felt the upset when the HV came out after my baby (9/10 months at the time) fell off the bed and went to A&E. Try not to take it personal and try not to worry about it

Original poster
aladdinn · 04/12/2023 20:06

wishuponastar1988 · 04/12/2023 19:26

It isn't nice to feel that way but it is their job to be curious and ask questions. For what it's worth, I am a social worker working on a safeguarding team and felt the upset when the HV came out after my baby (9/10 months at the time) fell off the bed and went to A&E. Try not to take it personal and try not to worry about it

Thanks for this. Yes I do need to not take it personally, but it's hard isn't it when you're a good decent parent and there are awful parents out there that don't even bother to engage with any professionals.
I am also highly emotional atm due to being very pregnant 😆

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 04/12/2023 20:13

Just keep in mind that it is their job to observe for any potential untoward behaviour/injuries regardless of what your file says - they observe, and ask you what has happened and if your reasoning fits the injury it's a non issue.

There have been far too many cases where bruises etc haven't been picked up and led to atrocious endings, you may well be innocent but the next family she visits may not be it's important she follows up any concerns.

wishuponastar1988 · 05/12/2023 07:18

@aladdinn I agree it's really not nice. I was really upset, was thrown off as wasn't aware the visit was because of the a&e trip and felt I was lectured. The HV asked me to describe how it happened whilst making notes and I felt her general tone was very 'off'. I felt like I was being accused... already felt crap that it had happened but this made me feel even worse! Pregnancy hormones are wild so I totally get it Grin

Original poster
aladdinn · 05/12/2023 10:12

@wishuponastar1988 Pregnancy hormones are insane, my dh is really getting the brunt of it atm he cannot say anything without me taking offence and crying 😆

Thank you, I feel better today and understand more that she was just doing her job, doesn't make it sting any less but I can rationalise it a little better today after sleeping on it !

OP posts:
WrensAreAllDinosaurs · 05/12/2023 10:25

If you want to opt out you can and it’s absolutely fine to do so. Don’t worry about it. It’s very normal and no one will be sending social services just for you refusing a health visitor appointment.

Ive chosen to opt out of specific appointments that I didn’t personally consider worth the effort.

I have also had a health visitor query something about my eldest while we were at an appointment for the younger one. I was pleased she noticed - as it happened we had already realised the issue and had him on the waitlist to see a specialist- but it was good to know it would have been picked up.

OceanicBoundlessness · 05/12/2023 10:30

I would guess it was the change in demeanor towards you that has upset you, as much as the content of her visit.

Original poster
aladdinn · 05/12/2023 12:16

Yes I think it just felt like she was looking for something to begin with, maybe my anxiety heightened that feeling I don't know but I definitely felt a bit under the microscope to begin with
But as people have said, it's good that things are picked up because there has been some horrific stories in the news, especially during lockdown

OP posts:
DragonFly98 · 05/12/2023 12:21

I opted out HV are of very little use and a massive waste of nhs resources. The budget would be better spent on more early help workers to support families who need it.

deplorabelle · 05/12/2023 12:23

Don't forget the HV's manner could have been completely unrelated to her interaction with you. She could have been feeling unwell or be recently bereaved/a carer/going through a divorce and so having a bit of an empathy failure.

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