How to ask grandparent to not make body negative comments at DD?

[MummyMumMumMummy]

I’m struggling a bit with this. DD is 4 and when DH dad comes over and DD asks us for a snack or tells us she’s hungry he always makes a ‘you’ll get a fat belly’ ‘haven’t you got a fat belly?’ Poking her belly comments. I get that it’s a lighthearted joke but I’m really conscious of DD getting a complex about weight. She’s actually very thin (takes after her father certainly not me 😂) but it still makes me worry anyway. I don’t want comments about DD’s weight or looks that can be viewed as negative. Whether that’s ‘you’re too skinny’ or ‘you’re too fat’ I don’t want her to think she’s ‘too’ anything.

But, DH’s dad is older, very introverted.. also a very dry man. I find it hard to speak to him at the best of times let alone when I want/need to be semi-confrontational about what he should or shouldn’t be saying to the kids. DH is much like him tbh, very quiet and doesn’t want to confront him either but feels the same was as I do, just not wanting body comments to DD.

What is the best way to phrase it, or let him know that we don’t like what he’s saying? I don’t want to make him feel bad or awkward.. I just want it to stop 😅

Be very direct. ‘Stop saying that.’ Every single time. His age or conversability are irrelevant. If he gets the hump, so what?

You or DH have got to bite the bullet. Advocating for our children is one of the things we have to do, even when it's awkward! Especially when it's awkward, really. Something like "ah sorry dad I know you didn't mean anything by that comment but we've decided not to speak negatively about bodies and sizes of bodies to DD. Would you mind not doing it again ... Yes it's a different world nowadays...."

You will be doing the best thing by asking him to stop, you are a good parent managing the negativity towards your body, I say this because my parents were brutal about just that.

I had a very similar situation with my FIL. I called him out on it directly and asked my DH to have a word. The reason children have pot bellies is that their intestines are much bigger relatively to their bodies than adults. It's certainly not fat. If your FIL is as old as mine he probably grew up with rationing (and has a very fat belly himself!!)

Not in the moment, and not in earshot of your DD. Say (or your DH says) "please can you not make comments to DD or in front of her about being fat/skinny etc. We are trying to make sure she develops a health body image and a healthy attitude to food. Do you think that's something you can do?"

"Do you think that's something you can do?"

Oh God, don't add that bit. He isn't five years old.

Next time he says it say something like 'there was a good programme on the other day about the negative impacts on children about saying things like that so we are going to stop any body comments for DD going forward.'

A family member did this to my child. I found that a very sharp and angry "Do not ever make comments about my child's body shape again or I will not let you back in this house" did the trick.