Tips needed how to get :dh to help me clean for Xmas

[ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO]

I can't do it alone, some issues physically etc.

He likes me to say what I want to done but when I leave him to it he doesn't want do it properly.

Eg, let's say the laminate floor has a large black mark. He will "clean the floor" but neglect the mark? He literally does nt seem to be able to to visibly see things like that.
. I do need him to work with me and just do as if say as harridan... As that sounds

Even asking him to help he gets bad tempered.

Please note : he's absolutely amazing in so many ways and more than pulls his weight in many other area. This is a bone of contention because I physically can't do it alone and he doesn't accept he can't do it alone.
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Doesn’t see it my arse. Is he blind? I am actually physically blind, and if somebody says ‘there’s a black mark there,’ I’ll scrub it, then ask them if it is gone, and if not i’ll scrub it again until they say it has.

i’m also failing to see how he’s so amazing when he doesn’t even respect you enough to help keep your living environment clean?

my tip would’ve been not to marry a lazy disrespectful man, but it’s too late for that now. Can you get a cleaner?

Oh dear... We are going straight in with the LTB.
🤣

That's no help to me right now with this speficic issue.

Is it a mark that can be removed? I'd probably give it a cursory scrub as I did the rest of the floor and if it didn't come off just accept it as a stain. If DH wanted it to be tackled in a more thorough way I would need him to tell me that.

The mark was an example as to why I can't let him do things alone in " certain" areas....

Today I just want to focus and target specific things and need his help.

Ask if he will go half with you for a cleaner to come in and do a deep clean?

I'm the same in some ways - I don't see dirt that's been there for a while - it's only when it's been cleaned that I think wow, that was filthy 🙈

It really does seem impossible for him, i except that but I need his help for the big clean.

I'm hoping for motivation I can give him or a line...

Etc

As always, it’s not ‘helping’ it’s just basic functioning as an adult. He’s making a fool of you, doing weaponised incompetence and also behaving in a misogynistic way. No tips will get him to stop being an entitled misogynist, he’ll keep using his temper to control you. You could throw him some treats, like a dog. Can’t imagine what’s amazing about a man who is lazy, bad tempered and fakes visual impairments.

Are your standards a bit high? I get your point on the black mark, but in some cases things don't need to be done perfectly. Can you just let him do things that don't matter that much his way, but then if there is something that really needs further cleaning just point it out.

Walk around the house together and make a list. Mention things like the mark eg ‘the floors need cleaning and that specific mark’.

then divide and conquer

Get the guided cleaning sessions on the TOM app, I think it's a free for a fortnight, load up a session for him complete with headphones, cleaning cloths and hoover and get Gem to boss him around the house for you on your behalf.

I don't think it's possible to say if he's behaving fairly or not. You say he will happily be told to get on with cleaning a specific room just not to your standards. We have no way of knowing if his standards are fine and yours are OTT or yours are reasonable and his are too low.

I'm sure plenty of people would look at a room I've done a big clean and tidy in and find fault but it looks fine to me.

@Desecratedcoconut. That sounds perfect?!! Thank you

I think if you want to stand over him as he does the task, and point out the ways he’s not doing it correctly, then you are doomed to fail as no one would like this!

I think that making a list together of the specifics is a good idea, but you do need to let him get on with it.

Make a list of things that need to be done. The things you need to fo together, mark them. The rest are just a do whichever you like until the list is done and then set out some time to tackle the "together" things. Leave list on the fridge so it's easy to see.

Also if there's things that you're not able to do and he is willing to do them his way. You need to try to accept his way of doing it.

It's not a case of him refusing to do it. Its a difference of standards.

drop your standards
and
Break it down for him

eg
Take out the furniture
sweep the floor
wipe the skirting boards
Fill the bucket with hot soapy water
squeeze the mop
survey the work - is there anything that needs a spot clean? - do that with a scrubbing brush
Let DW in to inspect

laminate the job breakdowns for the tasks you need him to do, in cheery primary colours, and attach them to a large cork board in the kitchen

Hand him the relevant laminate card when you need a task doing m

It’s possible he will stop behaving like a primary school kid once you treat him
like one, but either way, he’ll learn to clean

I haven’t tried it but someone on another thread says goblin is a good app for breaking down tasks

I think he’s being a cock about this, but breaking down tasks is genuinely helpful

Write out what he needs to do per task line by line....like an idiots guide.and give it to him.

Also it seems like you’re wanting to ‘do’ specific things today but actually what you mean is you want him to do things today … and I could guarantee how that would go down in my house! I can discuss tasks, ask for help, but I can’t dictate the timing of things I need someone else to do if it’s a bit arbitrary - my DH would be saying there’s at least 3 weeks til Christmas so I’ll do it when it suits me not you. Different if guests are arriving at 3pm… the deadline makes a difference.

He's just doing the usual shit man thing of weaponized incompetence,.making it so difficult and doing it so badly that you'll do it yourself.

Check his work when he's done and point out what needs to be corrected and then he corrects it.

Sulking and tantrums are low key abuse. Don't put up with it.

Why does the house need to be cleaner at Christmas than during the rest of the year? It only needs to be "clean enough" for the full 365 days.
But, I absolutely agree that it's a joint responsibility so, if he's not doing 50% of the work, is he willing to pay for a cleaner instead?

Because if you haven't scrubbed the skirting boards do you even know it's Christmas time at all?

Or he's doing it fine and OP has ludicrously specific standards. There is no way of knowing. She's not said he objects to doing it, just to doing it her way. If DH asked me to do some cleaning then asked me to listen to a podcast for instructions on how to do it I'd laugh in his face.

My standards are low!
I struggle to clean we want a home not a palace but just occasionally we do need to go deeper. Xmas is one of those times.

Good news :we've just tackled something that has not been cleaned behind for about 10 years!!

As PP has said, you need to change the narrative. It's not 'helping' it's doing his fair share of the jobs around the house. That has to be the first step as otherwise he will keep framing it as your job he is kindly helping with. Once that's established then you need to look at if your standards are very different, who is better or worse at each job, if he genuinely can't understand how to clean a floor or just doesn't care etc, if you managing the process is helping or hindering etc.
There is no magic phrase beyond him understanding you are equal partners in this. While it's embarrassing that he doesn't get this as an adult, it is as much on you not to support that narrative.