I am really sorry this might sound very juvenile…
My mum and I have had a bumpy relationship. She is a very opinionated (and without being derogatory, one would call her a closed minded) lady.
backstory:
I separated from my husband last year and recently the divorce was finalised. She and him did not get on at all and it caused a massive strain in our mother- daughter relationship. (I was always the middle person, trying to keep the peace and not take sides)
Over the years she’s threatened to take me out of her will, made other nasty comments and told family members how awful I am. Many more things over the years but anyway…
The issue:
I have purchased my own home for myself and my son recently. It has been a financial stretch but I have a good career and have been fortunate to have relatively good amount of equity from savings etc.
I have a (new?) boyfriend of 9 months who is wonderful. Very kind, generous, calm and an all round good influence on me. I am a better person around him. He hasn’t met my son yet. He owns his own home and we see each other when my son is with his dad.
I have a level head and know that people can change over time and am trying not to have rose tinted glasses over my new man. He’s absolutely wonderful, but I have a hint of reservation as I saw how my ex husband changed over time.
My mother has become jealous, intrusive and controlling. She has been telling me that I can’t introduce my son and him as it will confuse him. Telling me that I need to be careful as he might be using me “as I am a catch”. To not let him move in as he will have claim on my house when we separate.
Warning me that second marriages almost always fail.
Whenever i mention him though, she’s totally disinterested and will change the subject. She says I mention his name a lot. (He’s become a large part of my life because of what a positive impact he has had for me.)
(I don’t feel I mention him much, and actively try not to. As, whenever I see her, my son is around, so I rarely mention his name because my son doesn’t even know about his existence yet)
FYI- I haven’t discussed marriage. When they met, my Boyfriend excitedly commented that one day he homes to move in with me. It was said in a sweet way, more to show his affection and commitment to me. Rather than to tell my mum that he plans on literally moving in next week.
She is my mother. So obviously wants what’s best for me. But she has acted out similarly whenever I’ve been in a relationship.
I don’t expect her to take an interest (as I have been through a nasty divorce and understand she doesn’t want to get close to my new boyfriend). I don’t expect her to.
I know she worries she won’t see her grandson so much if/one day my boyfriend moves in (space is limited and she wouldn’t feel comfortable
My mum said it’s simply too soon to introduce another man to my son and that I am going to mess him up.
How can I politely tell my mother that I am a grown woman (in her 30s) and am not an idiot and can make my own decisions?