DH’s family is dysfunctional. There was a high level of abuse and coercive control from FIL who is an absolute narcissist. MIL is a very codependent woman who is very needy. She emotionally manipulates her kids a lot particularly BIL.
BIL who was definitely both of the parent’s scapegoat child but who is generally a really nice and caring, generous person who has some serious issues from this upbringing. He is also quite a needy person.
He and I became quite close but over time it has become far too much for me. He stays a couple of times per year for about a week at a time and he rings both DH and I a lot, at least weekly. He has no family of his own.
When he is around he is very demanding, because he has some specific food issues he requires that special meals are prepared for him. He is also very pass remarkable and gives near constant unsolicited advice. He also offloads a lot about the family which admittedly impacts him severely. DH obviously gets it too but I seem to get more of it for some reason.
It has become very overwhelming and emotionally draining for me dealing with him. There is no solution to this stuff and he doesn’t have good boundaries where the family dynamics affect him so this is going to continue.
I have had a bit of a falling out with him over the last few visits. He was over recently and I have really reached the end of my tether with it all. It is just so draining now. As things stand he is waiting for an apology from me because I hurt his feelings about something but the reality is I snapped because I’ve had enough of it all. It is all small things but they are cumulative so when DH has tried explaining the issues to him he just refuses to get it.
DH wants things to go back to us all being around one another again but I don’t want to go back to how things were. If you’ve gotten this far I’d love to know where too next?? Any advice would be really appreciated.