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Original poster

Should I keep this person at arms length.

20 replies

Ds16dv · 01/12/2023 19:30

I was friends with someone for around 18 years. We became distant because of her and my son. Her son is 2 years younger than my son. They would play play station together at least a few tines a week I would have a call from his mum telling me my son was teaching her boy to swear. He was 12 at the time so ds would have been 14. I was getting calls quite often. She just constantly blamed my son for her son swearing. And said my son was bullying him. An example of bullying was when her son told mine he was doing lessons at school that are normally for older year groups.so ds asked to see his time table. I saw it as just a teen thing . I did not think it was bullying.

During this time I was dealing with , DS refusing school, self harming, aggression and violence, smashing the house up. It now turns out DS has emotional dysregulation.

So me and this friend have not been in contact for around 2 years. I had to much to cope with and could not handle it anywhere. She has recently reached out to me . But im not sure what to do . Things with DS are starting to turn the corner we still have work to do but things are getting better. I don't want to fuck things up just as things are getting better

OP posts:

Lizzbear · 01/12/2023 20:20

Maybe you could meet her for coffee, but agree to not chat about the boys. After all, you were friends for a long time before you fell out.

Original poster

Ds16dv · 01/12/2023 20:44

Lizzbear · 01/12/2023 20:20

Maybe you could meet her for coffee, but agree to not chat about the boys. After all, you were friends for a long time before you fell out.

Possibly. She is the sort of person to say . I won't say much but... or she might allow her son to contact mine again then it could all happen again.its all very kiddie petty to be honest but its that it seems to lead to something it does not need to.

OP posts:

WhichIsItWendy · 01/12/2023 20:47

Honestly it sounds like the relationships were unhealthy on both sides. Your son maybe a bit rude and her son oversensitive. I'm not sure what the benefit of reconnecting would be.

Just wish her well and move on.

SunshineAndFizz · 01/12/2023 20:49

If you think your life will benefit from having her as a friend again, then you could give it a go.

But if you're just doing because you've known her ages that's not a good enough reason on its own. If it'll cause you more stress then keep her at arms length.

Original poster

Ds16dv · 01/12/2023 20:56

SunshineAndFizz · 01/12/2023 20:49

If you think your life will benefit from having her as a friend again, then you could give it a go.

But if you're just doing because you've known her ages that's not a good enough reason on its own. If it'll cause you more stress then keep her at arms length.

I think I'm more worried about DS. He/we have had alot going on. She just would not accept that her son would swear liker a trooper. Just decided my son was the cause of lt. That he was bullying her son. Several times I told her to block my son but she refused. But still kept contacting Me over stupidness with the boys. It's all so petty but I Just don't want it all over again

OP posts:

SunshineAndFizz · 01/12/2023 21:00

Sounds like you already know the decision in that case - it's not a good idea.

FrogFairy · 01/12/2023 22:27

I remember your other threads about your son.

To be honest, you have enough on your plate without additional drama from your ex friend and her son.

Original poster

Ds16dv · 01/12/2023 23:11

FrogFairy · 01/12/2023 22:27

I remember your other threads about your son.

To be honest, you have enough on your plate without additional drama from your ex friend and her son.

Yes that's what I'm thinking. We are just about turning a corner and things are getting better. Not sure its a good idea to Rick that really. I feel bad for her but I think we Just need more time.

OP posts:

Namenamchange · 02/12/2023 00:07

I remember your threads too. If things are going well maybe don’t rock the boat, but it’s been two years with not contact, you could see how things go with ds over the next few months and go from there. Maybe send a text back, but don’t commit and leave it loose.

catotangent · 02/12/2023 00:47

It sounds like she brought drama. I wouldn't invite it in again and would ignore the message.

Original poster

Ds16dv · 02/12/2023 09:46

Namenamchange · 02/12/2023 00:07

Yes I think it definitely needs at least a few months . I don't want to risk things turning bad just as they are getting better. She's asked to meet for a coffee next week. I still feel vulnerable over the situation with ds and all what we have been through so im not sure how I feel about meeting up.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ds16dv · 02/12/2023 09:47

catotangent · 02/12/2023 00:47

It sounds like she brought drama. I wouldn't invite it in again and would ignore the message.

That could be the answer.

OP posts:

Newestname002 · 04/12/2023 06:13

@Ds16dv

Just because she's asked to meet up after two years doesn't mean you have to agree. Sounds like your son and you are just getting out from under and it would be a shame to destabilise what you've achieved. I would respond to her that you hope she's doing well but you've got your hands full at the moment so can't commit to anything. 🌹

Original poster

Ds16dv · 04/12/2023 07:52

Newestname002 · 04/12/2023 06:13

@Ds16dv

Yes I may say that I'm.busy. I think we need more time to settle

OP posts:

Original poster

Ds16dv · 04/12/2023 19:45

Ffs . Ds came ok the living room with her on video call so it preasured me into talking to her via video. I don't feel positive about it really . And she told ds hom and her son cam start talking again . I'm not sure that's a good idea 😔

OP posts:

Saz12 · 04/12/2023 20:14

Block her & her DS from all your sons devices. Tell her clearly that you want to keep the 2 boys seperate whilst online.

If she accepts that then decide if you actually WANT her in your life. If she cant accept that, then really your DC comes first and you need to tell her that.

Original poster

Ds16dv · 04/12/2023 21:20

Saz12 · 04/12/2023 20:14

Block her & her DS from all your sons devices. Tell her clearly that you want to keep the 2 boys seperate whilst online.

If she accepts that then decide if you actually WANT her in your life. If she cant accept that, then really your DC comes first and you need to tell her that.

I can't ds is 16. Its just that . She asked me if ds was gay because he was acting fenim. I said he was and she said she don't care if he's gay, non binary, or what ever but she does not want it in her sons face .and she also went on that she did not want my son bullying her son. So right away I have red flags. I have not said much to ds at the moment I just said not to get overly involved.

OP posts:

Saz12 · 04/12/2023 21:40

Then Id be backing away from her.

Sounds like shes pretty homophobic (in what way is his sexuality any of her business? Why would it be "in her DS face"? Why is she suddenly allowing her DS to hang out online with yours if she thinks he'll bully him - and why would her DS even want to?

Original poster

Ds16dv · 04/12/2023 21:50

Saz12 · 04/12/2023 21:40

Then Id be backing away from her.

She seems very over protective. She told me a girl from her sons school knocked on her door . To ask if he can go out. And she told the girl don't ever knock on my door again .. u really can't be bothered with that shit. I can make ds do anything but I think I'm going to have to ve very honest about My concerns

OP posts:

Original poster

Ds16dv · 05/12/2023 18:32

It's starting already ffs. Stupid stuff about My son swearing infront of her son. And putting demands. I really don't think having contact is a good idea . But ds won't listen. Then I will have her onto me. And I could really do without it. And I think ds is still vulnerable as well.

OP posts:

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