How do I stop crying in public?

[Windowinyourheart]

Looking for practical tips - deep breathing, etc to stop me crying all the time, especially in public/ at work. My partner ended our relationship a few months ago leaving me heartbroken and I can’t stop crying about it. It’s getting a bit ridiculous as I’d like to try and move in but I keep getting overwhelmed with sadness and crying.

Bite the inside of your cheek. Not enough to actually injure yourself. It does work if you really don't want tp cry
Hope you start feeling a bit better soon

I can stop tears coming in everyday situations eg something sad on the news, by pressing my tongue into the roof of my mouth or trying to remember what I had for breakfast yesterday.

But it's not so easy when it's a deep sadness causing them - I don't have anything to suggest for that. I'm sorry things feel so shit for you x

I've had something stressful happen to my family recently and it was taking over my mind.
I found that as soon as it popped into my head I made a conscious decision to think about something positive, I was basically changing the subject in my mind.
Without being rude I think being so tearful still months down the line and even in public isn't usual. Have you spoken to anyone for support in regulating your emotions?

For me, it got to the point where the anxiety at the prospect of potentially crying was enough to set me off!

What works best for me is trying not to care too much, and not going overboard with desperately trying to stop myself. I'm a teacher, so this is really hard! But I found quite quickly that giving in to the tears when possible, rather than fighting them all the time, helped quite a lot xx

Hard lemon candy to suck on, a canned response when asked such as “this is still a raw topic and I’d rather not discuss this”.

We all process things differently. I wouldn't try and stop it. One day, I promise you, you'll think to yourself 'it's been a while since I cried about that.'
Give it time and be kind to yourself.

It sounds to me as if the issue is the sadness itself, not the fact that it's causing you to cry in public. It sounds as if you're still shocked and grieving. Would it help to talk to a therapist, and deal with what is causing such intense sadness?

Might you be experiencing depression? (The times when I’ve struggled often in public I was, and it got worse as I didn’t seek help)

Yes, I’ve been seeing a therapist since it happened as it was such a shock. She says it’s grief and is normal under the circumstances.

Not a substitute for grief , but are you on the pill? When I tried it I cried very easily (not without any cause but it took much less to set me off)

I've been there albeit with the death of a family member.

It was worse if people were kind, my friends used to say 'god, you look awful, hate your hair etc' took the edge off with a laugh. Appreciate that may not be for everyone.

You've had a huge shock, your world has been turned upside down but I promise it will get better x

My Mum always claimed it was impossible to cry while clenching your bum cheeks.

And yes, we did all try it at her funeral.

You're not alone OP 💐 I think breakups can be as hard as bereavements, but with far less social support and understanding.

Something that has worked for me in the past - something horrific happened to the parent of a friend when we were teenagers. Any time I felt like crying I thought the words "X's mum" and somehow that kicked in a response not to cry. I don't know if it was me reminding myself other people go through worse than whatever I was going through at that moment, or whether I was activating some kind of sympathetic response of feeling like I had to not cry myself in order to comfort my friend who was really struggling.

I haven't seen her for years but it somehow still worked.

No not on the pill, but possibly perimenopause as I’m 46.

thanks for all the tips. I don’t think it’s depression, I’m just finding it hard to come to terms with the end of the relationship. I really loved my ex. I got divorced several years ago and coped with that much better!

At work - have a glass of water always to hand. You can’t cry and drink water at the same time. I’m sure there’s some physical reason why, but I just know it always works.

I guess that’s why cups of tea are often a first response.

I think your therapist is right. Could you do some active wallowing and therefore crying at convenient times, hopefully lettig the feelings out?

This is a form of grief OP. You’ve lost love and you’ve lost the future you thought you had with this person. In some ways it’s harder than bereavement because you have the feelings of rejection to deal with too. I think your therapist is right. These feelings are natural and to my mind trying to bottle them up - even in public - is damaging. When my DH died, for months I dissolved into tears whenever someone was kind to me. I coped in public by wearing dark glasses and just letting the tears come. You have to let it out otherwise the grief will internalise and make you ill. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but the pain will pass and you’ll move on.

If you respond to visualisations, this helped me in a similar situation:
Visualise the pain going down through your body to your little toe then out through the crease under your toe. You leave a trail of tears on the ground. But no one sees that.