Help me be a better parent

[Adviceplease123456]

3 kids - 8, 5 and 2. All boys.
they are all really good kids overall and individually amazing. But I’m finding it totally overwhelming at the moment especially in mornings and after school when there is so much noise and commotion.

The 2 year old is VERY clingy to me and just wants to be held otherwise gets upset and cries which creates more noise. The 5 year old is a bit away with the fairies so needs to be asked to do every single thing about 20 times - eg brush your teeth, put on your shoes, put on your jumper, everything.

8 year old is always tired in the mornings (goes to bed at good time but struggles to fall asleep so even with strict lights out time will lie there until 9pmish often). So is slow, generally not helpful although not unhelpful as such. it’s a bit like how I imagine teenagers to be.

none of them are being “naughty” I just feel like Groundhog Day with saying the same things every day again and again. Is this just life? I start asking calmly and politely every time, many times but I always end up shouting as then we’re running late and shoes etc still aren’t on.

it didn’t help that yesterday I had a tummy bug and I specifically asked them to be helpful as I needed their help and still I felt like nothing changed.

I don’t help the situation as I’m getting so wound up so quickly these days, and if I raise my voice the 2 year old gets clingier, so I can get less done and everyone is upset.

evenings they’re often very hyper post school and I get they want to play and let off steam but I get very overwhelmed by the noise - but I don’t want to keep telling them to be quiet or telling them off for playing with siblings after a day of being “good”
at school.

I don’t know how to break the cycle and would welcome any ideas.

Can you get them outdoors for a while after school? I always found a huge difference between the days we could, and rainy days. They don’t sound as loud outdoors either. Good rain gear and hats with brims to keep rain off their faces - if you buy second hand you can sell it on at the same price.

Mornings are chaotic with dc. I know you’ll have posters telling you their two year olds make packed lunches for the whole family in the mornings, but mine sounded a lot like yours. The biggest difference I made was deciding to accept the way it was and commit to peaceful, happy mornings. Because that was my top priority, I compromised in other ways - got up a bit earlier, helped my 5 (and 6) yr old dress etc.

It does all feel relentless at those ages.

You have 3 kids - noise is inevitable, embrace it. Direct them to their rooms or outside or whatever but they aren’t doing anything wrong making noise. Behaving better when you are ill also isn’t realistic for a 5 and 2 year old, they aren’t doing it to upset you. I no it’s hard, especially with a clingy 2 year old as it compounds the overwhelming feelings when you can’t even put them down and walk away, so I feel for you. Are you a single parent?

I’m not a single parent no - sorry the OP did make it sound like that! My husband is amazing but when he’s in the office (3-4 days a week) he’s gone before anyone wakes.

I think I’ve just got myself in a hole where I’m anxious anticipating the inevitable noise, stress and carnage I’m so sensitive to it and it consumes me quicker than it used to. I find the noise really overwhelms my senses and really makes me so much more tense.
i hate starting my mornings shouting and then have such shame and guilt which follows!
the cold snap in the UK has tipped me just because of the extra admin of hats, gloves, scarves, de icing cars, moaning they’re cold etc.
I need a mind reset because they’re just kids being kids and doing what kids do. I’m aware the issue is mainly me not them!

Thing is OP if you shout every morning your kids are going to think loud is the way to act.

I would try getting up earlier you get half hour of peace with a tea/coffee/wee in the morning and allow extra time to get the kids ready

Do as much as you can the evening before. Get shoes lined up, bags packed.

Make getting in an icy car a game, which window will defrost first type thing.

If there is a park near if it's not raining after school with gloves and hats a half hour run around a field will help. Could you run around as well? Get your blood pumping?

If you want your kids to be a bit calmer you need to create that environment.

Put classic FM on the radio in kitchen type thing