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Original poster

Child away with the fairies - does it get better?

66 replies

Ladbrokeroad · 30/11/2023 09:15

Since DD started school a year ago she's slowly drifting into her own little world. Not aware of any SEN yet. But from a very allert baby, toddler and a young child she's become this little girl who zones out and is away with the fairies a lot. Doing well academically though, very well behaved and easy going. Not very sporty, not because she's not capable, in fact she is very capable, but is not interested.

I see the other children in her class, how competitive and switched on they are with everything and I can't help worrying.

I read a thread on here from a long time ago about a DD who sounded the same, she must be much older now, I'd love to hear how she's doing now. Anyone can relate to this?

OP posts:
Favouritefruits · 30/11/2023 09:20

My eldest son is the same, he’s quite happy in his own little world and I’ve come to accept that’s just the way he is and as long as he’s happy what does it matter!

Original poster
Ladbrokeroad · 30/11/2023 09:22

Favouritefruits · 30/11/2023 09:20

My eldest son is the same, he’s quite happy in his own little world and I’ve come to accept that’s just the way he is and as long as he’s happy what does it matter!

Thank you for your reply. Can I ask how old he is? And have you ever considered SEN?

OP posts:
Favouritefruits · 30/11/2023 09:24

He’s 9 nearly 10 he super clever and has lots of friends, I used to think he had ‘something’ but I honestly just think it’s just his personality!

Original poster
Ladbrokeroad · 30/11/2023 09:25

Favouritefruits · 30/11/2023 09:24

He’s 9 nearly 10 he super clever and has lots of friends, I used to think he had ‘something’ but I honestly just think it’s just his personality!

So happy to hear that x

OP posts:
Favouritefruits · 30/11/2023 09:26

We just tell him to “focus” lots it’s impossible to get him to stick to a task, he couldn’t even pour himself a drink

Zampa · 30/11/2023 09:27

I don't want to be alarmist but being "away with the fairies" is a common sign of ADHD in girls.

My DD is a bit of a loner and her brother and father are both neurodiverse. However, I'm NT and was happy in my own company as a child. I'm staying alert to signs in her as aware that as a bright, academic girl she may mask easily.

NoCloudsAllowed · 30/11/2023 09:27

Love your kid the way she is! School crams their brains with stuff, it makes sense that they will need lots of downtime to process it and work things out. Nothing wrong with being a bit of a dreamer.

Some kids like charging around, sports etc, some kids like daydreaming and stories, all are valid. I wouldn't worry.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 30/11/2023 09:27

Has her hearing been checked? One of my friends at university was like that as a child. Eventually her parents realised that she actually couldn't hear properly. They just thought she was a day dreamer

Original poster
Ladbrokeroad · 30/11/2023 09:30

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 30/11/2023 09:27

Has her hearing been checked? One of my friends at university was like that as a child. Eventually her parents realised that she actually couldn't hear properly. They just thought she was a day dreamer

Good point. Her hearing was checked when she was younger but lately she keeps saying 'say that again' all the time. I asked her if she can hear properly, she said she can, it's just that we are not very clear.

It's probably worth checking it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladbrokeroad · 30/11/2023 09:32

Zampa · 30/11/2023 09:27

I don't want to be alarmist but being "away with the fairies" is a common sign of ADHD in girls.

My DD is a bit of a loner and her brother and father are both neurodiverse. However, I'm NT and was happy in my own company as a child. I'm staying alert to signs in her as aware that as a bright, academic girl she may mask easily.

We are keeping an eye on it (ASD or ADHD) but she's not really struggling yet. She might when demands increase?

OP posts:
Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 30/11/2023 09:33

OP, I was that child! I had a very vivid imagination, and I spent a lot of time in my imaginary world, because, frankly, it was more interesting than the shouty, derivative social world of my contemporaries. ‘Sport’ urgh, mainly uninterested for the same reasons. As long as your daughter is capable of social interaction and is doing well at school, leave her be.

I was a lot more ‘social’ and I suppose ‘competitive and switched on’ when I got to University, because there were more people who wanted to talk about the things I was interested in, and who also had rich inner worlds.

In my career, I was paid quite a lot of money and treated very well for using my imagination and ‘ having a different slant’. It’s all okay, though I can appreciate it is difficult if you don’t share that sort of mindset.

Original poster
Ladbrokeroad · 30/11/2023 09:40

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 30/11/2023 09:33

OP, I was that child! I had a very vivid imagination, and I spent a lot of time in my imaginary world, because, frankly, it was more interesting than the shouty, derivative social world of my contemporaries. ‘Sport’ urgh, mainly uninterested for the same reasons. As long as your daughter is capable of social interaction and is doing well at school, leave her be.

I was a lot more ‘social’ and I suppose ‘competitive and switched on’ when I got to University, because there were more people who wanted to talk about the things I was interested in, and who also had rich inner worlds.

In my career, I was paid quite a lot of money and treated very well for using my imagination and ‘ having a different slant’. It’s all okay, though I can appreciate it is difficult if you don’t share that sort of mindset.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, so happy to hear that! x

It's hard for me to understand what's going on with her sometimes as I was completely opposite at her age.

OP posts:
SuperheroBirds · 30/11/2023 09:49

When I was a child my parents had me tested for all sorts as I would zone out and just disappear into my own head. Some doctors thought I might be having silent seizures, others checked my hearing. Everything came back normal. Turns out I listen and join in to things I want to, but I’m equally happy in my own head.
I’ve never been diagnosed with anything, I have a degree and post graduate qualification, married, life long friends, etc, so I wouldn’t worry too much.

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 30/11/2023 09:52

When you say away with the fairies, is she still doing something, I'm sure this is how my best friend's daughter was described and it was absent seizures, she now has full epilepsy but is medicated and not had a seizure of any kind in years. Just worth mentioning although I'm sure it's just her chilled personality

Original poster
Ladbrokeroad · 30/11/2023 09:53

SuperheroBirds · 30/11/2023 09:49

When I was a child my parents had me tested for all sorts as I would zone out and just disappear into my own head. Some doctors thought I might be having silent seizures, others checked my hearing. Everything came back normal. Turns out I listen and join in to things I want to, but I’m equally happy in my own head.
I’ve never been diagnosed with anything, I have a degree and post graduate qualification, married, life long friends, etc, so I wouldn’t worry too much.

So happy to hear that, thank you for sharing x

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 30/11/2023 09:56

Zampa · 30/11/2023 09:27

I don't want to be alarmist but being "away with the fairies" is a common sign of ADHD in girls.

My DD is a bit of a loner and her brother and father are both neurodiverse. However, I'm NT and was happy in my own company as a child. I'm staying alert to signs in her as aware that as a bright, academic girl she may mask easily.

Yes, but she wasn't like this as a toddler, or younger child and you don't suddenly develop ADHD, school settings can make it more obvious, but it you had a previously very switched on child before it doesn't seem likely, especially if she's doing well academically.

DD has inattentive ADHD, but she was like that from a really young age.

Is it mainly the competitiveness in sport you're worried about? If so, the children who were the "sporty" ones in pre-prep, were not always the ones in prep whop did well.

Screamingabdabz · 30/11/2023 09:58

She sounds lovely - doing well and happy in her own skin. I’ve never understood what is so good about children being competitive.

TripleDaisySummer · 30/11/2023 09:58

I'd check hearing and sight first TBH.

DS was sometimes described as that by reception teacher - he had glue ear - so intermittent hearing problems and very poor short term memory - basically he hadn't much idea what was going on.

I also suspect he's inherited my dyspraxia or dyslexia as he struggles with organisation - very like me super organise due to loads of scaffolding of skills over years or chaos - but no diagnoses yet too expensive to do privately for us and schools GP in area don't want to know.

It could just be how they are personality wise.

FlamingoYellow · 30/11/2023 10:08

My ds is like this and is now waiting to be assessed for ADHD/ASD, but he has always been like it from when he was tiny, which it doesn't sound like your DD was? It also has a massive effect on his education and he has fallen quite far behind at school because he wasn't able to concentrate for long enough to listen to the teacher explaining the work or to write anything down himself.

If you tell your DD an instruction (like 'go upstairs and brush your teeth') and get her to repeat it back, can she remember to do it? My DS can repeat the instruction back but then forgets what he was supposed to be doing en route to the bathroom.

Original poster
Ladbrokeroad · 30/11/2023 10:35

FlamingoYellow · 30/11/2023 10:08

My ds is like this and is now waiting to be assessed for ADHD/ASD, but he has always been like it from when he was tiny, which it doesn't sound like your DD was? It also has a massive effect on his education and he has fallen quite far behind at school because he wasn't able to concentrate for long enough to listen to the teacher explaining the work or to write anything down himself.

If you tell your DD an instruction (like 'go upstairs and brush your teeth') and get her to repeat it back, can she remember to do it? My DS can repeat the instruction back but then forgets what he was supposed to be doing en route to the bathroom.

Yes, DD was very social, very alert and lively as a younger child. We had no worries at the time hence the confusion. She's now 6, she started showing this signs since she turned 5.

With the instructions, I'd have to remind her several times. Sometimes she'll do it straight away, but a lot of time I'd have to repeat the instructions. Not entirely sure how she is at school, I do think she listens more to her teachers. I'm due to receive some feedback from school soon. They did report previously that she zones out a lot but hasn't really impacted her learning yet, she's making steady progress with everything.

OP posts:
Timetogosouth · 30/11/2023 10:40

I was that child too . I had a rich imaginative world which was way more interesting than school . I was bullied though throughout my childhood so perhaps check she’s not escaping anything . I would check the hearing and eye sight though that said - I had both issues and my DS - one short sighted and one with glue ear . Both were discovered quite late as they masked the issue as they are both bright .

Original poster
Ladbrokeroad · 30/11/2023 10:52

Timetogosouth · 30/11/2023 10:40

I was that child too . I had a rich imaginative world which was way more interesting than school . I was bullied though throughout my childhood so perhaps check she’s not escaping anything . I would check the hearing and eye sight though that said - I had both issues and my DS - one short sighted and one with glue ear . Both were discovered quite late as they masked the issue as they are both bright .

Thank you for sharing your experience. I definitely will check her hearing as I had spotted a few things lately.

Don't know about bullying yet, I'll keep an eye on it. I know some girls in her class are badly behaved and a bit mean but not sure they are mean to her. She has a few friends at school but some of them are quite a bit older who make a huge fuss about her being 'so cute'. I know the girls and they are really lovely.

OP posts:
FlamingoYellow · 30/11/2023 11:47

Ladbrokeroad · 30/11/2023 10:35

Yes, DD was very social, very alert and lively as a younger child. We had no worries at the time hence the confusion. She's now 6, she started showing this signs since she turned 5.

With the instructions, I'd have to remind her several times. Sometimes she'll do it straight away, but a lot of time I'd have to repeat the instructions. Not entirely sure how she is at school, I do think she listens more to her teachers. I'm due to receive some feedback from school soon. They did report previously that she zones out a lot but hasn't really impacted her learning yet, she's making steady progress with everything.

Show quote history

I think you are right to check hearing as a first step then. I hope you get to the bottom of it soon.

Dubbledup · 30/11/2023 11:50

My dd is similar, very academically able when she's not looking out the window. She's been diagnosed as having ADHD which hasn't led to many adjustments as she's doing ok (for now in year 4) but it's good to have the knowledge so we can support her if the key issues of girls with ADHD start cropping up (low self esteem, social issues, grades dropping with poor organisational skills at secondary)

Original poster
Ladbrokeroad · 30/11/2023 12:09

Dubbledup · 30/11/2023 11:50

My dd is similar, very academically able when she's not looking out the window. She's been diagnosed as having ADHD which hasn't led to many adjustments as she's doing ok (for now in year 4) but it's good to have the knowledge so we can support her if the key issues of girls with ADHD start cropping up (low self esteem, social issues, grades dropping with poor organisational skills at secondary)

Can I ask what other traits she showed before you considered an assessment?

OP posts: