Is there any way I can go to this funeral?

[peasandcarrots264]

A family member has died in tragic circumstances and I would really like to go to the funeral. The thing is, the funeral will be in another country a very long way away, and I have a 10 month old baby who is breastfed and still wakes up for feeds in the night sometimes.

The trip to get to the funeral would be 15 hours, including a 9 hour flight, a few hours in the airport, then another 2.5 hour flight. It’s to an extremely cold place with temperatures of -15 to -20.
If I were to go, I see two options: either go on my own for 2 nights and leave the baby at home (so he’d effectively be 3 full days without me). He eats solids as well as BF and has drunk pumped milk from a sippy cup when I went to a hen do a couple of months ago… he has about 3 milk feeds during the day now and two at night (sometimes none if he sleeps through, so I’m certain the night feeds are mostly for comfort). If I left him we’d obviously practice drinking milk from a sippy cup a bit more beforehand as we’ve got a couple of weeks.

The other option would be to take him with me (and leave him with a babysitter during the actual funeral). I don’t know how feasible it would be taking him on such a journey as I’ve never even been on a plane journey that long by myself, let alone with a baby.

I just want to get an idea of the feasibility of either of these options… so any input on leaving a baby for 2 nights, long haul flights with a baby, and extremely cold weather with a baby would be welcome.

I am prepared to accept that it might not be possible, but if there’s any way it can be done I would really like to try.

I'd leave him at home. He'll be fine for a couple of days and you'd be able to focus entirely on the funeral etc instead of trying to manage your son too.

leaving the baby would be easiest for you. Flying long haul is exhausting at the best of times, with a little one doubly so, and I had DH so wasn’t alone.
Im sorry for your loss

He’s plenty old enough to be left at home with your partner/family. He will be fine. Just get lots of practice in over the next couple days with the milk drinking from a cup, even during the night whilst you’re there. But even if he hates it; he’ll still be fine. Just go to the funeral.

Agreed. I would actually go as far as saying your two options are leave him or don't go. Taking him along with you seems like you'd be setting yourself up for a nightmare trip. I'm sure he will be fine for a few days at home without you.

Could you join the funeral via zoom or is it important for you to physically attend?

No way would I take a ten month old on that trip and leave him with a babysitter he didn't know, way too stressful.

Get practising with the cup and leave him at home, he will be fine.

Sorry for your loss

I would go alone. You could express ('pump and dump') while away to keep up your supply if you want to.

Go alone. The baby will survive for a couple of days, and you can pay full attention to the funeral.
If you had to go into hospital for a couple of days, it would be the same.

What they said. Baby is big enough and this is important for you and already a big emotional challenge, so best if you can completely focus on the funeral.

Will the funeral not be streamed online?

I think I would probably do something yourself locally in remembrance.

There is now the option for funerals to be watched live via zoom - it might be worth finding out if this is possible.

Do not take your baby, it would be extremely stressful in that weather.

Pump and dump and be prepared for cluster feeding when you get back

The weather shouldn't be a big factor in your decision. I have lived in a place with those kind of temperatures and it's honestly not really an issue. The people who live there have babies and do just fine. They dress properly for the weather and everywhere is well heated.

The journey is too long though. Your baby's routine will get messed up and this will be stressful for both of you. He/she will be hungry and tired at inconvenient times and you won't be able to give attention to the people you have travelled so far to see. You will have to leave your baby with a stranger which will stress both of you out as well. Leave the baby at home.

I doubt you'll need to pump while you're away unless you're uncomfortable - your supply will be well established by now, and a few days away from your baby is unlikely to disrupt it. I left my baby for a few nights when he was a similar age and he was totally fine - just enjoyed a reeeaalllly long feed when I got home!

If it really is important to go then I'd leave him at home and I say that as someone who didn't leave her firstborn until he was 3.5.

It sounds like your baby will cope food-wise and the journey sounds stressful which will inevitably impact on both your moods. It will also literally be a flying visit with as much time spent traveling as anything else and then the stress of being left with an unknown babysitter. Don't think you really have a choice.

I would leave your baby. But if your partner is not that hands on I would get him to do much more beforehand so your baby is used to being cared for by him.

Also this is obviously important to you so go. You may really regret it if you don't.

Sadly probably not. Can the service be streamed so you can watch, are there a number of others in this country who could have a memorial event at some point in the future- say perhaps on what would have been the deceased's next birthday?

Sorry to read of your loss.

Be aware watching a streamed funeral is nothing like the real thing. It made me realise how important it is to share the time with others you care about.

Leave him at home. Practice the sippy cup. With any luck it will be his cue to start sleeping through the night. It is unlikely he really needs the nighttime milk at 10mths old and is probably just doing for comfort. A few nights with dad might be a blessing for your sleep longer term!

I'd have exploded if I'd not 'pumped and dumped' even at 10 months old! Op might not need to pump for supply reasons but if still feeding a few times a day she'll need to get rid of some of it!!