Why do I feel so guilty

[sheselectric24]

Hi

Not a major issue I know but why do I feel so guilty whenever I rest.

Today I have a day off work and I am feeling unwell with what's probably an ear infection and also a UTI. It's been 10 years since the last time I was poorly. I have had colds in between but nothing else. 10 years ago my GP wanted me to go to hospital as I became so dehydrated due to being so unwell. I didn't agree to go and was monitored at home with phone calls. that time I did stay in bed a few days as I literally couldn't get up.

This time I am in pain but can still function. I do feel exhausted and haven't slept. I have trouble sleeping anyway and average about 4 hours a night.

Today I have pretty much laid on the sofa with my eyes shut. I have done the school run and taken the dog out this morning and il be taking the dc out later for a pre booked event. I just feel so guilty for wasting the day and for resting and I can't shake it off. Logically I know my body needs rest but I just keep thinking about all the things I have to do at home or errands I have not done.

It's not only when I'm poorly that I feel this way. Any time I sit down or rest at all I get a guilty feeling that I should be doing other things.

Does anyone else have this problem?

Yes, I get that sometimes. But I try to ignore it. Your body needs rest just like it needs food and water. It's a basic, fundamental need. It's more important than any job you feel you should be doing, you know?

A therapist said to me once that we should all have the aeroplane safety instructions tacked up on our bedroom walls, for the line: "Put on your own oxygen mask before you help anyone else with theirs." You need to look after yourself!

That means resting now, and healing. And later, possibly, exploring what's keeping you from sleeping at night.

Thank you @Squiblet it's true about the oxygen mask thing because I know I often fail to rest then feel even more guilty when I'm not being the best parent due to being exhausted.

It does probably stem from childhood if I wanted to dig deep into it. I had a sudden flood of grief from my childhood events at the weekend where I opened up to dh for the first time about how bad it was. It came out of nowhere and now I feel shattered and unwell. My body is obviously trying to tell me something.

It would help if I improved my diet but I just can't summon up the energy to bother lately. I'm losing weight and already have a low bmi but I eat mostly processed food. I need to sort myself out. Might consider therapy when I'm not in pain.

That sounds like a good idea. There's obviously some pain in there that wants to make its way out. It's OK to feel a little bit sorry for your childhood self - not wallowing in self pity, but acknowledging that yes, things were bad, you got hurt, it wasn't fair, it still hurts after all this time.

Could you ask your DH to sort you out a Buddha bowl or something once in a while? Healthy eating is so much easier when someone else does the prep 😉 plus, it might help you to have that feeling of being looked-after, like a little kid, which is no bad thing once in a while.

I’m the same OP. Currently off sick with covid, so poorly but will go back to work tomorrow as I feel too guilty being off (work remotely).

I very rarely take sick leave so know that logically I have no reason to feel like this ☹️

I only feel guilty if I'm resting if it feels like DH is then having to step up and do a million things - so sometimes when I'm sick. But he tells me I'm being stupid.

Feeling guilty for sitting down and taking time for yourself is really unhealthy. A lot of women are socialised to believe they must prioritise everyone else over themselves at all times. Children, of course, totally believe that their mothers should prioritise them and sadly, a lot of men are quite happy to let a woman burn herself out while he's sitting on his ass.

it is completely and totally normal and fine to take time for yourself. It's even completely normal and fine to take time out for yourself and as a result, for someone else to either have to pick up the slack or miss out on something.

You sound exhausted OP. And tiredness begets tiredness - the more tired you are, the harder it is to sleep or exercise and do things that revitalise you. Ditto to eat well etc.

Do you have a partner in all this who can help you take it a bit easier?

Thank you all.

My dh is really happy to pick up anything I can't do and does his fair share. He is the one always telling me to rest and he facilitates this but I tend to fight against it which is part of the guilt.

It's right about women being programmed to always put others first and be doing all the time because on a normal day I feel like I have to meet everyone else's needs perfectly and anything else is failing