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6 replies

MixedCouple · 27/11/2023 02:28

I am 36 and used to have so many friends. 80% made during my time at university.
My childhood friends unfortunately cut me off when I told them I had become Muslim. Even though my parents are and they knew that..... Even though our parents knew each other etc. They still turned out to be bigots. I tried to make excuses for them but they literally unfriended me and stop responding to my messages to catch up etc.
I went to uni and made friends who I thought were life long friends.
6 BFFS and all was grand after uni everyone got married but we still met up but we all moved to different parts of the country then one by one they all moved abroad. We all have our own families so talks and catch ups are very infrequent and of course we have only met up in person once since they all went abroad 6+years ago.

I have found it lonely and now with kids I want to make friends in person. I attend all the mothers groups and no one wants to be my friend. I go to the park with DC and try to be friendly and smiley. People talk to me. But nothing more.
I gave the ladies at the toddler group (the organiser) my mobile no. If they do anything and she said yes they do get togethers events, travel, attractions etc. They never invited me before. I told them I had no friends or family and moved to the area recently. ( by the way they are all non muslim).

Then4 months ago a new lady moved to the area and her DC similar age to mine. They took her under their wing and did so much for her and she is already fast friends with the others they met up for events and other social activities for the kids like Forest school no one told me and by the time I found out it was too late for me to book DC on. They openly talk about things after the fact with little disregard for me.

I was hoping to have made 1 or 2 friends and maybe poeple who have kids similar age to mine so we could meet up. Have a little playfriend. But nope.
I moved over 3 years ago and apart from my OH I have no social life. Family and parents lives 4+hrs away. So we make the effort to visit them and DC cousins as much as we can.

I am starting to wonder if it is me. Not saying it is becuase I am Muslim. I am very approachable I am chatty and despite being introverted I push myself to be friendly and talkative. But not sure what it could be. I even spoke to my BBFs about it and of course they said it is them not me..

I find myself really missing the days gone when me and my friends were together often and I had a social life. My Best friends are from all backgrounds English/Asian/Greek/Arab/American and all different personalities.
I wrack my brain about it often very often why I can't make new friends while others can and have done so. I feel sad about not having childhood friends as well. So many people have friends from school and they have become parents together and now their kids are friends etc.

Not sure what I am expecting writing this. Get it off my chest. suggeations? I don't know.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 27/11/2023 07:22

There have been many threads on here from people who have no friends any more. Life moves on, and so do people. You are not the only one.

Rocknrollstar · 27/11/2023 08:36

You say you are a Muslim so I would suggest that you contact your local Mosque. Do you not meet other women when you go there? Perhaps you could start a mother and toddler group based there? I appreciate that you don’t necessarily want to make friends only within your religion but it might be a start to building a new social life for you and your family.

SkaneTos · 27/11/2023 23:16

I read your original post, and I'm not sure if I understood right. You have 6 BFFs (best friends) but they all live far away or abroad? That is pretty awesome, to have 6 best friends, even though they don't live close to you!

But I understand that you want to make friends that live in your area.
I agree with the previous poster. Look for friends in your Muslim community. Perhaps there is a group for mothers at your mosque? Or like @Rocknrollstar wrote, you can start one.
Or a group for women, with or without children. Perhaps start a book club.

Another idea is to look among your husbands friends. Do you hang out with them? Are there perhaps women/wives in that group that you can connect with?

In general, about finding friends, my best advice is to give it time. Sometimes a long time. When one is joining a group or a club, one might not become close friends with the people in it immediately. It can take years. One has to have patience.

Good luck!

UsingChangeofName · 27/11/2023 23:30

I was going to say exactly the same as @Rocknrollstar

You have mentioned your faith several times, so presumably this is a big part of your life, and therefore you will have a ready made community, the same as I would find at a Church I would go to if I moved to a new area.

MixedCouple · 13/12/2023 22:25

@Rocknrollstar thank you. We don't have a local mosque we live in a town with a population of less then 11k. Our nearest mosque is 1.5hrs drive.

We are really considering to move to the community with a mosque.

OP posts:
MixedCouple · 13/12/2023 22:28

@SkaneTos yes 6. We were all single and had time together back in the day. But not only did they get married they also moved to the furthest places from me. One even went to Florida! And is in the same situ as me. Quiet a few of them are now.

My OH came to this small town to get away from the huddle and bustle and his friendw live 1.5hrs away. We are now seriously considering to move back there. We cant even move back home as my parents are moving abroad half the year so ot woups be pointless.

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