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Original poster

My brother and male pattern baldness

14 replies

sadsister23 · 26/11/2023 19:13

This may seem like a strange thing to be sad about but I just feel so upset for my brother.

When he was 17 he started losing his hair and found out he had male pattern baldness. Perhaps the reason it upsets me so much is because I remember coming home from seeing friends to hear him crying in his room because he was so upset about it. To this day, thinking about how devastated he was really upsets me.

He's 30 now and up until now he's been very fortunate that the rate of hair loss has been very slow. However I saw my dad today and he warned me that he's lost a lot very recently and is pretty much bald on top so not to be surprised next time I see him (in a couple of weeks).

I just want to know that he's okay and not too upset. It's not really something I can bring up though is it? I know there are loads of worse things in the world but I suppose as his older sister I have always wanted to protect him from things to some degree and we do support each other through life's ups and downs. He has a lovely girlfriend and a good job so his life isn't terrible, I just worry about how he may be taking this now his hair really finally is going and he is the first of his friends to experience this.

I am a bit of an empath which doesn't serve me well in situations like this.

How do others cope when this happens to the men in their lives? Is it something we should speak about or keep quiet? It is entirely possible that he has come to terms with the idea over the years but it still can't be nice for him.

OP posts:
buzzing · 26/11/2023 19:17

One of the hottest men I ever dated went bald at 16 … he was mid 30s when I knew him and said it was traumatic at the time but he clearly got over it.

That probably doesn’t help your bro much but a full head of hair isn’t the be all and end all

CatherinedeBourgh · 26/11/2023 19:17

Dh was shaving all his hair off by the time he was 30, and it was never an issue, for him or anyone else.

However, do make sure you tell him to sunblock or cover his head, unfortunately early balding is associated with a higher risk of skin cancer. Dh has to have growths removed on a regular basis.

If I'd known how much of an issue this would be I would have suggested having hair transplants, and I'd suggest the same to dc if it happens to them too.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 26/11/2023 19:18

You keep your mouth shut about it, that's what you do.

Apart from there being nothing wrong or unattractive about bald men, it's not about you.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Beauty
MargaretThursday · 26/11/2023 19:28

He may have been upset at 17yo when he was the first of his friends, and not care now he's 30yo. Best thing to do is not say anything, your dad was probably just making sure you didn't blurt out something inappropriate.

Aparecium · 26/11/2023 19:53

NeverDropYourMooncup · 26/11/2023 19:18

You keep your mouth shut about it, that's what you do.

Apart from there being nothing wrong or unattractive about bald men, it's not about you.

100% this.

Follow his lead.

I had a good friend who had MPB by his teens. We laughed so much together. When we were in our mid-20s he moved abroad. About 5y later I went to visit him. He warned me "I've changed a lot. Completely bald now." "So've I," I replied, "I'm very fat now."

He greeted me at the airport with hugs and "Hello, Chubby!" and I replied with hugs and "Hello, Eggie!"

OTOH, my db also started MPB in his teens, and I never mentioned it to him until a few years ago when he brought it up. We're in our 50s.

LakeTiticaca · 26/11/2023 20:03

Hubby and 2 sons with MPB.
Never bothered hubby. He knew it was coming, his dad and 2 older brothers went bald.
My 2 sons know it's coming as well. I think they will probably own it and shave completely bald. There are some extremely hot bald men.
MPB is not life threatening and I have heard bald men are more virile than "hairy" men 😉

menopausalmare · 26/11/2023 20:08

He'll be ok. There are lots of young, attractive bald role models. In the 80s, baldness meant nasty, aggressive skin head louts but these days baldness is sexy.

Whiskerson · 26/11/2023 20:19

IME men his age and older can still be sad about this, especially if they don't feel they suit the bald look - e.g. self-consciousness about the shape of their head. However, as it's all tied up with how sexually attractive they feel, I don't see what you can really do as his sister - other than not mention it. I can see you really feel for him, but he won't want to feel pitied, especially if there's ever been any hint of sibling rivalry (i.e. if you are like most siblings!). You say he has a girlfriend, so hopefully any insecurities he might have are being allayed.

Original poster
sadsister23 · 26/11/2023 23:01

Thanks everyone. I'm in no way saying that bald men are unattractive, just that I know my brother was very upset about it in the past and now that it has become more obvious I hope he's ok. I guess there's nothing I can do except be there for him if he does want to talk about it. Of course plenty of men go through this and come to terms with it, but the process for some must be quite difficult and I'd like to support my brother if he needs it.

OP posts:
Venomous · 26/11/2023 23:07

sadsister23 · 26/11/2023 23:01

Thanks everyone. I'm in no way saying that bald men are unattractive, just that I know my brother was very upset about it in the past and now that it has become more obvious I hope he's ok. I guess there's nothing I can do except be there for him if he does want to talk about it. Of course plenty of men go through this and come to terms with it, but the process for some must be quite difficult and I'd like to support my brother if he needs it.

OP, I know you mean well, but I’m pretty sure that in his shoes it would make me feel considerably worse to know that my sister was pitying my baldness to the extent that she started a thread on the internet asking how other women cope when this happened to the men in their lives. Keep your lip zipped. He’s your brother and a fully-fledged human being, not just a tragic instance of male-pattern baldness! Yes, he was upset about it aged 16, but he’s 30 now — far more of his peers will be balding.

theduchessofspork · 26/11/2023 23:12

OP in the nicest way you are being way OTT about this.

I’m sure he’d rather have more hair but by 30 he won’t be alone and lots of men look great bald.

If it is bothering him, he won’t want it brought up unless he brings it up.

You might want to address what this is really about for you.

favouriteyellowsocks · 26/11/2023 23:48

I have two brothers that went bald at 20/21.
They both have a great selection of hats and nice beards. Never held them back in any way.
Don't mention it. They know. They don't need someone else to point it out and feel sorry for them

SheTookChances · 26/11/2023 23:56

At 17, it would have been unusual and difficult to cope with. At 30, probably not so much as it’s more common at that age. It sounds like he’s got on with his life so don’t think of him as that upset 17 year old anymore.

Bit of an empath ...🙄

ChanelNo19EDT · 27/11/2023 07:31

I'd acknowledge it. Tell him he's got a great shaped head. I can totally understand that it's deeply traumatising at 17. But by 35, it's kind of normal and he's unfortunate to be the first, but in 5 years, it'll be a non issue. At this point in my life, I hardly notice if a man is bald or if he has a head of hair.

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