I am trying to avoid drip feeding so might be a long post.
DD (now 6 - Y1 )met a 'friend' just over 2 years ago. Her mum approached me through parents whatsup group as they were going to the same nursery but different timings, so they were never together in the classroom. Mum and dad are from my country so we had that connection.
The girls met several times back then and there wasn't much interaction between them at first, it was mainly DD trying to play with her, whilst Elsie (not her real name) was just running around, mainly parallel play. However, parents were really pushing for more and longer playdates and over time I realised Elsie really struggled to settle into nursery. Most of the time I met with her grandma and she started staring that she's a little concerned about Elsie, but not quite sure what it was. Over time the playdates became a total stress for me due to Elsie's behaviour and I would come home completely exhausted (chasing and hitting wildlife, climbing people's fences, jumping into people's front gardens, throwing stones around, putting stones in her mouth, asking DD to do the same) I felt like DD was not safe with her.
Fast forward a few months, the parents have asked the school to put them together in the same class at Reception as they were 'friends'. I was quite upset about it at the time but I didn't say anything. They started school in Sept last year and at the beginning of the term I did express some of my concerns to the school and that I'm a little worried about disruption.
First term went OK, DD made a few friends in her class but also a few from the other 2 forms. Elsie's parents started pushing more and more for playdates and shared that Elsie really struggled to settle into school and every morning was a nightmare and that they told Elsie she should go to school as her 'friend' is there. DD also said Elsie was disruptive in the classroom and the teachers always moved her away from DD. (School said to me there was no problem at the time).
Next term came and DD had no friends anymore, she wasn't playing with any of the friends she's made in the first term (noticed that at 2 different b-day parties). Later on DD shared that Elsie has been pushing everyone away from her and 'hisses' at everyone who wants to play with DD, saying DD is her 'best friend'. DD told the teachers apparently but apart from the classroom when they did something, they didn't interfere in their play.
The school did eventually report that they were 'codependent' and that Elsie even followed DD to the toilet and waited for her to come out, didn't leave her for a second.
A lot has happened during that time so in the summer term we moved schools, that was pretty extreme! Never thought we would do that. DD settled in really well and loves her new school, which is a bonus, but it comes at a huge cost to us as it's private.
However, Elsie's parents are constantly asking for playdates. We managed to avoid meeting them for several months (we are busy), but now in autumn every week someone from the family is contacting me. Her dad (I never gave him my number) contacted me twice last month, a week later the mum asked for the girls to meet, today the granny is contacting me asking if the girls can meet as Elsie constantly talks about DD. I already told the mum we are busy until Jan, granny is saying can we meet soon.
DH is telling me to tell them the truth and move on from there, I was of the opinion that Elsie will forget about DD and make other friends but this hasn't happened.
How can I make them understand we are not interested? The anxiety our whole family went through in the beginning of this year has not left us. I find it so incredibly odd that every adult in the family is contacting me at different times.