How to say no to playdate

[ApocalypseNowt]

DD (9yo) has been asked for the 3rd weekend in a row to a playdate she doesn't want to go on.

Backstory is this is a someone she's been friends with since reception but it's been a bit up & down over the years - short version is DD sometimes finds this friend suffocating (if DD wants to play with others there's tears/telling the dinnerlady/etc).

So now I think DD is at the point of trying to drift/cool the friendship.

1st request for playdate we were genuinely busy with a family birthday.
2nd request I made up an excuse
3rd time - what do I say?

I don't want to cause a big to do/fall out or make up excuses (probably shouldn't have done it last time) so any help composing a kind yet assertive message would be great.

I know I should be able to do this myself but I'm tired and just want to enjoy our chilled Sunday!

She doesn’t fancy it today. Thanks for the offer.

She just wants to chill with me today, but thank you for the offer.

some people have the hide of a rhino don’t they. You’d think she’d have got the message by now. Just tell her you’re busy again, no free weekends this side of Xmas.

Thanks for the invite but DD would prefer family time today. We will let you know when DD wants to have a play date. Have a great day.

Thanks for inviting DD over. I've asked her and she's not keen at the moment. I think she's enjoying just having her weekends at home for the time being.

Yes! That's probably the way to go. I think I've over thought this tbh

Don’t thank her for the offer!!

I’ve said in the past that my child is being a bit weird about play dates with all but her two best friends. Better to be somewhat honest that to keep making excuses. Or that they don’t seem to be getting on that well with each other.

She just wants to chill with you today because every weekend after this is manic with Christmas stuff and she still gets so tired. Thanks though.

this doesn’t need to cause any drama or stress whatsoever

“thanks so much for another invitation. Lovely to think of DD, but weekends are pretty much only opportunity for family time so i’m going to say have to say no, thanks again. Enjoy your weekend”

I'd just say you're busy again. Lots of people are on weekends with family stuff.

Exactly. I don't want to keep having to say no yet here we are!

Think I'll go with a version of thanks but she doesn't fancy it today.

And tell them you have plans every weekend now until Christmas so enjoying this weekend to chill, otherwise you’ll be back here again next weekend with another invite.

Do you know the mother well? Can you say that dd is wanting to have a break that their obviously in a dip in their ups and downs? Is she aware of her dad behaviour? Of course this depends on your relationship with the mother.

You don’t have to give a reason. Just sorry it’s not possible today. We English do feel we have to always give an explanation.

which often involves fibbing if mumsnet is anything to go by

I'd talk to the mum in person if you can and say that you're not sure the kids are gelling at the moment.

I've cooled off playdates between my DC and one school friend recently, because they were winding each other up a bit and I got the impression that the child in question wanted a bit of space from my DC, who can be a bit overwhelming at times. I'm trying to focus my DC on other friendships.

If she's sensible, she won't take offence but will probably be grateful for you letting her know.

Or you could do the useful but craven 'Sorry we're very busy in the run-up to Christmas' 😂.

I had this years ago with DD and a girl from school. In the end I just said DD wasn't feeling comfortable doing playdates at the moment and I would let them know if she felt differently. Seemed to stop the asking.