How to get over not being wanted?

[Saweetie]

Hi everyone,

I got into a 'situationship' with my ex boyfriend 3 years ago. We bumped into eachother after many years. Eachothers first love. It wasnt just sex, we'd do alot together. Any free time was spent with eachother. 4/5 times a week for 3 years.

Being a dummy I obviously overestimated my value to him and wanted more. He said no, said he thought we were just enjoying eachothers company.. devestating.

I feel really rejected and feel like my worth has been diminished. Confidence is so low.. How do you get over rejection and feeling like a pile of crap because someone doesnt see you as good enough to be with?

A couple of times over the 3 years i would say 'this isnt enough for me' and walk away. He would do anything and everything to get me to talk to him again. Saying he loves me and cant see his life wothout me. When i give in and start again, he goes back to being distant and complacent. I know i have to stay away.. but i love him.

Sadly there is no easy way to get over someone. You have to go through the painful process.

id try and keep as busy as possible to distract yourself, but give yourself a couple of days to grieve, cry, feel mad about it etc, then throw yourself into being sociable and busy.

there really isn’t any other way. Eventually you will realise he was a time waster and you will feel disgust for him but it will take time

You put yourself first. He is showing you you're not important enough to commit to so you need to find someone who does want to commit. 3 years is a long time to waste so don't waste any more time with him.

"It wasnt just sex, we'd do alot together. Any free time was spent with eachother. 4/5 times a week for 3 years."

Well, sounds like he was your boyfriend again for 3 years. But in the end wouldn't commit. You weren't stupid to want longer term commitment/exclusivity/ moving in and you weren't stupid to ask for it. Much better finding out now than floating along for years.

Thank you for saying I wasnt stupid to want more because I really feel it. I dont know how he spent so much time with me but felt so little.

It did feel like he was my boyfriend again, i saw him more than most of my friends saw their partners.

I feel like i dont have the right to feel such a loss because as he said, it was just 3 years of fun..🥲

He's a shit - he was using you until something "better" came along. Sounds as though he doesn't even have someone else so more fool him. Well the news for him is that he has missed his chance. Take some time to look after yourself and do things you really want to do. You are worth much more.

The fact that he saw it as ‘three years of fun’ doesn’t mean that’s the way it was for you — you get to have your own experience/interpretation of that period, and not only is it every bit as valid as his, it’s more so, because you should be prioritising yourself and your own feelings.

His shit is just that — his. Don’t let your sense of self be contaminated by his own failure to commit and his selfishness in letting a situation he could presumably see was one-sided continue for three years, negatively impacting on someone he claimed to love.

Focus on you, on your own exact feelings now, and acknowledge that you feel hurt and rejected, as of course you do. You are the important one here.

@Venomous thank you for validating how i feel. Im scared to tell anyone how i feel about it all as im finding everyone is leaning towards the 'well you werent official/didnt have the talk' etc and its making me feel really dim and low. So thank you for that. I challenge any one normal to spend 3 years with someone and not be affected by the law of proximity at the very least.. (ex obviously not included or affected)

What “more” did you want? Not everyone wants to move in together and get married - it’s a lifestyle choice. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or with him, and the situationship sounds ideal to me. You just want different things from life.