Is happiness a choice?

[Greenspace81]

Do you think you can just make the choice each day to be happy?

I tend to experience dangerously low mood linked to PMS, have a dysfunctional family of origin and a traumatic backstory.

Can stuff like this be overcome with mere intention and will? Beyond being more grateful, how?

I think you can often learn to carry both gratitude and grief together.

It's not a black or white choice, happiness can be there at the same time as profound sadness for traumatic experiences that have shaped what your life looks like.

No. Trauma is more complicated than that.

I think this is a very interesting question op. Don’t know the answer. You often hear people say that happiness is a choice and it’s often said on sm that we can change our mood by exercising, and eating and sleeping well. And of course we can choose to a degree how we respond to adverse events by “looking outside” of our own narrow perspective.

Having said that, a lot of the time it is the weather or I’ll-health or financial or relationship issues, or even the weather, that grind us down. And whichever it is, it often does seem to be outside of our control.

I tend to think that having to always “choose” happiness could become quite toxic unless you genuinely feel a shift in your mood as a result of trying to change your mind set. Who knows?

I think you can train yourself to find glimmers of happiness and cultivate a gratitude mindset but it would be ridiculous to say you can't simply switch off trauma.

In yoga we have the yamas and niyamas which are moral and ethical frameworks for living, one of them is Santosha (contentment), non attachment, non stealing etc - they have both literal and more abstract meanings, eg non stealing can be not stealing other people's energy or time. To live this way is a life long practice... It doesn't mean you just get it, we are challenged every day, and we practice how to develop these mindsets and outlooks. Absolutely not easy.

Can not can't in first paragraph sorry!

I think the type of people who say happiness is a choice are the ones capable of just choosing to be happy, due to their demeanour, experiences etc. I choose to do things that bring contentment but when I’m feeling down there is absolutely no way I could simply choose not to feel the way I feel.

Yes and no. Probably mainly no IMO.

If it were a choice then we’d have the cure for depression!

But there are choices we can make that can affect happiness.

From what I’ve read I would also say that happiness is really like all of the other emotions : fleeting.

Perhaps you mean something more like contentment? I’d settle for that rather than happiness per se.

Not that I think being content is a choice either but again there are habits and strategies we can make the choice to use to increase our chances of feeling broadly content.

You could read up on things like mindfulness or some of the Buddhist teachings. I’ve found both useful over the years. Sorry to hear you have PMS and history of trauma, go gentle on yourself x

It can be a bit of a choice, sometimes.

I had a bloody awful childhood with much trauma. But... it is past. I have a good life now, mostly manage to just look forwards and am generally happy. Occasionally have a little wallow in self pity, a bit low sometimes, but life goes on.

Thanks so much for the replies.

Yes, Leafs I think contentment is more accurate.

Agree, there are practices that can help but at certain times it can be hard to do those.

I have resisted exploring mindfulness for some reason.

I think the answer is far more complicated than yes and no.

There are times when you can choose to see the best side.
There are times when you do choose to see the worst side.

There are times when, due to other outside factors, your mindset is so low that you cannot see the good side.

I know that on the whole I'm a glass-half-full person. Sometimes it has been a deliberate decision to think that what has happened was an accident/not meant as malicious. My bro was known as Eeyore at times for his ability to look on the worst side. My parents worried like anything about this until something happened and they realised that he was making a deliberate choice to view things this way at least some of the time.

But although I'm normally a positive person, I had a situation which took over my mood to a point that I could not, however hard I tried, see anything positive for a while in anything.
Before that happened I'd have said that I let things wash over me, things didn't worry me too much and I wouldn't have ever got depressed. I was wrong.

Trauma or hormonal imbalances go beyond choice.

But generally gratitude helps lead to happiness

Gratitude and I have to say, spending time doing something you enjoy.

What do you enjoy doing OP? And when was the last time you did it?

In my experience you have to consiously carve out time to spend doing something you like.

'happiness' isn't a state of mind. It's a fleeting, brief moment. Aim for contentment. Aim for the ability to consciously recognise your emotions and respond healthily. Eg.... Drag yourself outside for a walk, get dressed, get washed, pause before speaking and so on and on. Life is made up of choices. Mental illness afflicts people and distorts their perception of life which makes life harder to endure when everything is killing your will to survive. I don't think I'm happy. I'm alive, I recognise when I'm down and need space, and I recognise when I need to get out and moving. But happiness itself is unobtainable unless you recognise that it's the small moments in life.

This is a great post ^

Absolutely not! People in war zones don't just become happy through will. This is a dangerous belief that has seen people with chronic MH conditions blamed for not trying hard enough..... Humans are complex and multi faceted, well being is dependent on many things.

I think you can try and fake it. But to be fair, it's not something I could do. Lost too many people close to me, and this time of the flipping year doesn't help.

The answer will never be as simple as yes or no. You can make choices in your life which prioritise what makes you happy, and you can work to be grateful for the things you have in your life - big or small. Both of those things will help you reach a place of peace and contentnes.

Oh I totally agree that it’s sometimes hard to do the things that optimise the chances of contentment.

And, quite frankly even if you can manage them then contentment doesn’t always follow either quickly or fully.

I suppose what I do is try to trust in the process.... I at least try to do things that don’t make things worse : first do no harm.

Eg I get out for walks and exercise as at worst it makes no real difference to my mood but at least I’m improving my physical health.

Or I might try to achieve a little housework job or errand - again, may not improve my mood per se but at least there’s a net gain on some level, which kind of is a sort of contentment level.

Re mindfulness - even if you don’t do the practices itself, you might find the concepts useful to learn about from a theoretic perspective.

The other one is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which I’ve read books on and have found interesting/useful.

Good luck OP x