What would you do - calling in sick?

[birdsintrees]

This time last year I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. My boss at work was great and put some things in place so I could stay in my job. She said that I could take time off if I ever needed it. So far I have been fine but I have gone into a bad flair-up and feel I need a couple of days to settle things.

The issue is it is not her I would be telling, it is people in my immediate team. We all get on well and I consider them friends but someone in another department had to be off for a similar reason and they were very negative about her. I know they will judge me for being off. I know I shouldn't care. But also - I do!

Part of me just wants to tell the truth and I will just have to deal with the probable negative chat about me. Another part of me thinks just tell them you have a tummy bug for a couple of days. Less stressful. Am I totally overthinking this? Would love to know what others would do.

Why do members of your team need to know why you are off? Surely only your direct line manager needs to know the reason?

I know it’s hard because people are nosey and might ask you why and you maybe don’t want to lie, (been there when I was off sick for early pregnancy related illness and didn’t want people to know) but it’s really none of their business.

Because it is one of them I need to let know rather than my line manager. One of them runs our team although she is not in charge of me, it's an odd set up! But I need to tell her that I won't be in and why.

Do you have to say why? I’d always happily accept ‘unwell’ unless it was a longer term thing / or I was your manager and it was relevant to wider discussions.

If you feel you need to give more detail, can you just explain you symptoms in generic a way as possible? Just say headache, even it’s an everything ache for instance.

Longer term, I’d talk to your manager about how the reporting system and culture sound crazy!

The whole management structure is a bit crazy. Everything goes through one person so then it also can't because it is too much for them to do. So we are in smaller teams but the people who run those teams get no extra money or authority really, they just have to be in charge. Makes no sense.

I am close to my team, we are friendly, I just know they don't get this and think that people should turn up to work. Which I get, it's a hassle being off. I don't want to be seen to be unreliable. It's very much a keep going no matter what culture.

Have you spoken your actual manager about this, so you can agree something non-revealing to say to this person, eg it's disability related, or management are aware? The manager needs to tell this person they can not pry.
You shouldn't have to disclose the nature of your illness or disability to your colleagues If you don't want to.
I have Fibromyalgia, too, and know how horrendous it can be. But I also know some people just refuse to believe it even exists.

If they are not your actual manager then is it appropriate for you to be compelled to reveal private medical information? I'd check with HR or whoever you directly report to because that doesn't sound right.

The impact of being off is for this other person to sort, not my line manager. I don't talk to my manager that often, we just work in our team. It is not so much that I am compelled to reveal it as that it would be weird for me to not do so because of how we work. Generally, I get on really well with them, they are good work friends. But they don't get chronic illness, they just think you should work through stuff - which I get, and do when I can. We are very rarely off any of us, it's just not the done thing!

I'm going to be blunt. If those questioning it aren't managers, then it doesn't matter what they think. Stuff them!