What happens on a hook up?

[raysan1]

Obviously, I know at high level what happens (!) but I had a bit of a surprise when I invited someone (from Tinder) round with flirtatious intent. He was expecting to start getting naked after about 30 seconds of chatting. I just wasn't mentally there yet... could've been in 20 mins or so. But when I slowed things down he was genuinely surprised. Nice, and that, wanted me to feel comfortable...

I'd prefer a date that turns into more - but with busy schedules, it might sometimes be more practical to go to his/ my house. I was last dating in the 00's.

1. what would the typical hookup timeline be? Say, he arrives at 10pm for example
2. am I unreasonable to expect flirting beforehand, enough to make me want it? Am I supposed to be craving him as he steps thro the door even tho the chemistry might not be there? I guess I expect that it's a man's job to get me horny enough to go all the way but maybe that's my job in a hookup?
3. condoms/ STI tests/ finishing... does anything go or is there an unwritten rule?

Thanks!! I'm 44F if that makes a difference, and looking for 34-41M

Yes I would expect flirting first! I've had one or two where we have been pushed for time but generally I'd expect some chat and flirting before getting down to it.
Condoms are mandatory. STI testing is everyone's personal responsibility. If you want to ask to see theirs then be prepared to offer yours. Anyone who is having regular casual sex should have regular tests.

First things first - you need to be absolutely explicit about condoms/contraception, etc. Do not leave that shit up to “unwritten rules”, have your own condoms and insist that they’re worn, my experience is that men will happily go without or try to encourage you not to use them, etc. Strong boundaries!

I would have discussed in advance what your plans/expectations were for the evening. When I’ve had dates or FWB situations in the past we’ve always wanted to enjoy each others company first, so a few pubs, chats, maybe some food, with tension building, etc - before back to one of our houses to hang out a bit more, kiss and fumble a little bit eventually leading to sex. If that’s what you’d like to happen then you will have to say so. I very much enjoy sex, casual and in a relationship - but I would be incredibly turned off by the encounter you describe. I’d have at least wanted a bit of a playful chat/flirt sat on the sofa before hand, rather than him walking through the door and immediately expecting to penetrate me!

But my FWB’s have always been people I’d have happily have been friends with or maybe partners in a different life/set of circumstances - not just any old man with a penis off the street - so naturally we’ve had things to talk about and some common ground, etc. I need an element of intellectual connection to have an enjoyable experience.

So yeah, just say what you want/expect - you’ve nothing to lose.

But also, setting things up as casual/NSA is incredibly, incredibly unlikely to ever lead to a relationship/more.

I made us some dinner, we had a few drinks, then went upstairs and gave each other a massage with oil. Then one thing led to another and we had sex. We had a bath together afterwards. Then he wanted to come down the next night and the next. We ended up married.