Comparing babies

[Jointheband]

I’m getting quiet upset and overwhelmed by how much my sister compares our babies. They were born 2 weeks apart, mine being the elder one.
I am constantly pestered with questions such as ‘is she laughing yet/wearing the next size clothes or nappies/ does she sleep through/ how much milk can she drink’ to then respond to my information with something that makes her baby more superior to mine.
So ‘yes she’s now in 3-6 months although they are quite long for her’ response will be ‘well X is in 6-9 months I can’t believe how tiny X must be maybe you should stop breastfeeding because formula fattens them up’.
I dread speaking to her or seeing her when we visit our parents (sometimes on the same day which is always spontaneous as we all live in walking distance). My mum isn’t much better, while she treats them equally she can’t help herself comment with things like ‘X looks longer than X or X has more hair than X’ when we’re visiting at the same time, which probably fuels my sister.
Im now getting anxious thinking there is something wrong with my baby when she isn’t ahead of my niece. I know all babies are different and my baby is fine deep down, but I can’t help have a fleeting moment of panic that we’ll be constantly judged as they grow up.
I know my niece will always be better at everything (in their opinions) so I’m concerned my baby will fall into the background as not being good enough to them because she doesn’t walk at 6 months or potty trained at a year old, whatever petty comparisons come next.
Id hoped the cousins would grow up close as best friends but it seems like there will always be a rift depending on which one does ‘better’ than the other.
I make nice conversations and the general ‘how is X’ to avoid any beginnings of a comparing war, but she never asks how my baby is or compliments her when we share photos, despite my ‘X looks adorable’ etc compliments. She’s not the jealous or bully type so it’s very unusual for her to behave this way and it’s starting to make me dislike her. My husband avoids being in her presence now as he sees how much it bothers me and thinks it’s spiteful of her to act this way.
Do I make a comment about her comparing each time she says something or is it best to distance from her, ignore and not respond to unwanted comments?

I am in a similar situation with my sister. We agreed we could discuss if we were worried about our own child. Eg. Does xyz only nap for half an our? Etc but neither of us are showy off types anyway.

That’s the thing, if I express any concerns about my baby it just turns into a competition for her.
Since I posted she said my baby’s laugh is just noise and not a real laugh then commented on my weight.
Surely everyone accepts babies grow and learn at their own pace so comparisons are pointless! I wish I could stop talking to her but it would really upset our mum.

Anyone else?

Some of those comments sound pretty nasty actually... She told you to stop breastfeeding?

So, 2 weeks difference is basically no difference at all! And they will all develop different things at different paces so try not to worry about that. E.g. DS barely babbled age 1 but now is a real chatterbox...

I think I would be tempted to say something "You might not mean it like this but it feels like you are always putting my DC down" and then if it doesn't stop then yes, probably distance yourself (if your Mum doesn't like it then explain why!). When they are babies they won't pick up on anything but if your DC is always negatively compared to your sister's child there is a danger they might pick up on that as they get into toddler years. Not to mention it's not nice for you if your child is somehow considered inferior! The two children could have a wonderful relationship but not if it gets drummed into them from birth that one is better than the other.