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Original poster

Bus strike so I’m the taxi

35 replies

Sparthan · 23/11/2023 15:02

What do you do when you’re out of work and family members keep calling you for lifts? There’s currently a 3 month bus strike in my region so I keep getting phone calls. It took me 4 hours to take my uncle to the doctor, bank, supermarket. 3 hours trailing round the shops after my Nana. Took my mum to hospital and waited for ages.

They aren’t calling any of my cousins because they’re at work. Just me. Even though I also have work to do because I’ve signed up for a course to help get a job and I’m trying to start a side hustle for extra cash.

Today I said “sorry Uncle but I can’t go round Asda with you and carry your bags, I have work to do for my course. Call me when you’re done and want taking home”. This has not gone down well. Because I’m unemployed so why can’t I spend a couple of hours with my uncle, who is isolated and likes it when I take him round Asda and have a coffee with him. 2hrs here, 4hrs there… then DH comes in from work and gets annoyed because I haven’t done the chores or cooking. Because I’ve spent 4hrs trailing elderly relatives round Asda.

It’s like the work I’m doing doesn’t count because it’s not a paid job with regular hours. Did I mention I’m out of pocket for petrol too? Because my uncle drove me all over for free when I was a teenager. Yes, and I’m very grateful - but he was a well paid manager who could afford to do favours, whereas I’m an unemployed mum. DH is going nuts because I’m unemployed with no income but my petrol bill is still the same as when I was driving to work.

Don’t suggest taxis. Too expensive apparently. “Family needs to step up”. Which basically means me because everyone else is at work.

OP posts:

FayCarew · 23/11/2023 15:05

You switch your phone off or say you're busy.

PuttingDownRoots · 23/11/2023 15:07

White lie time. You have online lessons to attend. Maybe one day a week off which you can help on.

Shinyandnew1 · 23/11/2023 15:10

Say, ‘I can’t afford the time or petrol as I have no job and can’t afford to pay petrol so you don’t have to’.

They can’t make you do it-just say no. So what if it ‘goes down badly’.

Original poster

Sparthan · 23/11/2023 15:11

One of my aunties said “I hope you aren’t going to get another job before the bus strike ends, that would be very selfish because Nana relies on you and the rest of us aren’t in a position to help”.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sparthan · 23/11/2023 15:13

FayCarew · 23/11/2023 15:05

You switch your phone off or say you're busy.

Then I’m selfish. Aunty Joan couldn’t get hold of you and she needed to go to hospital, it’s not like you’re busy.

OP posts:

Shinyandnew1 · 23/11/2023 15:14

Frankly, those people don’t sound very nice-I wouldn’t give a shit if they thought I was selfish.

Whataretheodds · 23/11/2023 15:15

Ooh you were busy though, you were ever so busy doing this course so that you can find a job. You're ever so eager to get back to work.

If they do catch you, you can't pick them up because there's no petrol in the car because you can't afford to fill it up.

ShennyInfinity · 23/11/2023 15:16

Wow! That is totally uncalled for, I agree with PuttingDownRoots, you're online with the course. It's completely unfair to put you on guilt trip,

Stephisaur · 23/11/2023 15:43

You start charging £5/mile.

These people are just as able to call an ACTUAL taxi service.

It is not selfish of you to refuse being taken for a mug, it is VERY selfish of them to assume you will do all of their ferrying.

Original poster

Sparthan · 23/11/2023 15:51

My cousin called me and said his dad is elderly and it’s time his family stepped up. I said I agree - that’s you! Obviously that’s not what he meant. He lives in London - he meant family living locally. How nice for him when he earns a London salary and pension and also gets his dad looked after for free.

I like the suggestion about saying I have no petrol and can’t afford to fill up. But even if they pay I just don’t have time. They seem to think I have all the time in the world because I’m unemployed. Unpaid work or study doesn’t count.

OP posts:

Shinyandnew1 · 23/11/2023 16:01

They can think what they what, to be honest, but it really isn’t your problem or job to ‘step up’. Just say sorry you haven’t got the time or money-perhaps they should find a reliable taxi firm or get a bus pass instead.

dontgobaconmyheart · 23/11/2023 16:08

Honestly they sound awful and entitled. Why is it that if they are this vulnerable they are not seeking referrals for care in the community, community transport or simply calling their own taxi if they have an urgent appointment to go to.

I know that it can be difficult for the elderly to get on board with certain technology in some circumstances but things like the food shop can be delivered to their home very easily, prescriptions as well, a simple phone call to the pharmacy resolves that.

I am all for helping family and friends but these circumstances are a bit daft, they do need to do some thing for themselves or enter into the social care system if they are unable.

ScottBakula · 23/11/2023 16:09

I can kind of understand them wanting a lift and some company to hospital appointments, but that doesn't mean it has to be you every time.

Giving a lift to the shops, nope . Get a family member to set them up with online shopping. Or if the elderly relative can't cope / use tec they can ring someone ( not you ) and dictate the shopping list.

BarbaraofSeville · 23/11/2023 16:12

Shinyandnew1 · 23/11/2023 15:14

Frankly, those people don’t sound very nice-I wouldn’t give a shit if they thought I was selfish.

Edited

This.

While you may be out of work, you do have things you need to be doing, and you don't have any money to act as a free taxi service.

You could offer them some time but not hours on end trailing round supermarkets with people with time on their hands providing that they pay you petrol money for the whole trip from your home to theirs and all the shops, at 45 pence per mile, in advance so they can't get out of it.

Or they can use taxis like everyone else who doesn't have a car and the costs of running one. If they're beyond pensionable age, they're entitled to attendance allowance, alongside their state (and possibly private) pensions so it's not like they can't afford it, unlike you.

WannaLiveInABubble · 23/11/2023 16:13

Tell them you now have a wfh job. You can't log off the oc between 9 and 4 or 5

sushiburger · 23/11/2023 16:14

Sparthan · 23/11/2023 15:11

Wtaf! Start billing them

2024writeanovel · 23/11/2023 16:16

Just tell them you’ve got a job working from home. They can pay for taxis

Original poster

Sparthan · 23/11/2023 16:30

If I lie about having a wfh job my mum will find out and bollock me. She also doesn’t understand why I can’t do favours when I’m “not busy”. They are all 70s -80s and have pensions and other income. In fact I took my uncle to the benefits service several weeks ago and spent hours helping him get the right advice and fill in forms, and he got awarded an extra £400 a month. Still apparently can’t pay me for petrol though.

I have given them the phone numbers for Age Concern, they have volunteers who drive you around for about 50p a mile. But that’s not the same as having me go with them, keep them company and carry their bags, then take them to half a dozen different destinations and wait for them. The other day it took me five hours to take my uncle to the bank, doctor, cafe for lunch, grocery shopping, then stop at the cemetery on the way home to visit his wife. I had only offered to take him to Asda, the rest he dropped on me after he was in the car. Justified by “the buses are on strike and there’s nobody else to help me because my son lives in London”.

Honestly I don’t think they would be kicking up this fuss if I was a man. It’s just this perception that because I’m a woman I should be caring for elderly relatives. And “it’s not like I’m busy”.

OP posts:

Flossflower · 23/11/2023 16:31

You much be a much nicer person than me because I would just say no!
You have to put yourself first. Tell them you are working.

Melodyy · 23/11/2023 16:32

Someone above said turn off your phone, do just that. Problem solved.

BarbaraofSeville · 23/11/2023 16:38

But you are busy.

You're looking for work, the government requires you to spend 35 hours pw doing that until you find a job.
You're doing a college course.
You're running your own home.

You're not earning and you know they have money available to cover your costs because you've spent time helping them claim it. Tell them you're now a self employed personal assistant for people who need help with shopping, appointments etc. Your rate is £20 ph plus 50 ppm travel costs.

So what if your DM bollocks you? You're an adult, you don't have to do what she says.

FayCarew · 23/11/2023 16:56

Your phone gets switched to silent when you are studying.

I have such relatives. Your DM needs a lot more help. Your DSis needs a lot more help now she has another child. Your grandmother should be living with you not in a home. These people do not look after their DM/DSis/DGM etc.
I ignore their comments.

SM4713 · 23/11/2023 16:57

You have done SO much already. My colleague is a community driver in her area. Takes people to hospital appointment and usually waits with them. Takes them to collect pills from the pharmacy etc. I think the red cross offer a similar scheme.

Why aren't THEIR families organising a home delivery of food- even if just once a month/fortnight or so to cut the in shop requirements?

IF you did have time, I'd only offer ONE WAY. I can collect you from boots, asda, pharmacy, but I need to come straight home because I have a course starting at 3pm sharp. Not offer the travel there and back, nor allow the added on I need this, and now I need the post office and now I need ........

betterangels · 23/11/2023 17:08

Start billing them petrol money. Not even joking. That's some entitled shit.

Original poster

Sparthan · 23/11/2023 17:08

I feel awful because my uncle has been very kind to me over the years. He’s 82 and his son isn’t helping him at all. He was quite happy to take his car when he couldn’t drive any more though, and happy to take the £2k he drew out when I took him to the bank last week! People are just awful.

Turning my phone off doesn’t work because then I can’t get calls about jobs or from my kids school. I do ignore some calls but they just keep calling. Or they call my mum and ask her to get in touch with me, to book me several days in advance.

In many cases they’re complaining that they need company as much as lifts. I spent three hours taking my 78yo auntie to the cafe and the garden centre, and when I dropped her off she was saying “Here it comes, stuck in the house on my own for another four days until bingo on Friday, nothing to do” and she didn’t want to get out of my car. I feel sad for her but it’s not my job to keep fetching her, I can’t go over all the time.

OP posts:

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