How do I help my DD (potential ASD)

[Elsathebunny]

Since DD started school last year in Sept (she's Y1 now) we've been having all sorts of revelations that really worry us. She's not struggling yet, doesn't need school intervention, but she has some odd behaviours and this is very obvious when they do school assemblies/shows and so on. She was perfectly fine at nursery but not sure why she behaves like that since she started school.

Last year she was in a play (2 different occasions) and all she did throughout the performance was flapping her hands and swinging from leg to leg, looking away, she was not there, didn't know what was going on. She did this the whole time. It was quite shocking.

The school is preparing a Christmas show this year, it's going to happen next week and I'm sick with worry. She knows her lines, she got praised for knowing her routine and stuff but I'm really really worried about the parts where she's not involved or where they have to do the singing together, this is when she pulls this strange behaviours. All will be recorded by a professional and copies available to buy.

The school has sent a few videos lately of the class performing different things: poetry, singing and in all of them she is slightly away from the class, swinging from one leg to other and it's so obvious that's something is not quite right. It's hard to explain.

How do I approach this gently with her and make her aware? Or should I just leave it?

I've not seen this with any other children ever and I'm not sure what's going on with her and how she feels. Might be a confidence issue, we don't know.

It could potentially be a sign of Neurodiversity OP, it sounds like stimming. My 5 year old DD is autistic & she doesn’t stim in the same way but she really struggled with school type performances. We had our difficulties throughout nursery but it really came to a head in year 1. I’ve been told it’s because autism can become more apparent as demands increase & the pressure of masking becomes too much. Now I’m not saying your DD is autistic but I think you’re doing the right thing in questioning it & being open to it. Have you spoken to the school? Any sensory issues for your DD?

I don’t think it is a good idea to raise it with your daughter at this point. However I would speak to school to discuss your worries. Ask to speak to the Sendco, who will be best qualified for this.

@GertrudeSteinsbook the school brought up a few things in Reception like hand flapping and the fact that she didn't like the classroom noise, but nothing too worrying. She did really well all year.

This year the school are saying her hand flapping has completely stopped, they've not seen her do that even once but they are keeping an eye on her. I've not had any feedback lately. She's lovely at school, no tantrums, no meltdowns (nothing at home either) very well behaved, doing well academically so I think the school are happy with her hence the lack of recent feedback.

But I'm certain they see these off behaviours. Just don't know how to approach the school again, don't want them to think I'm overreacting. I'm worried more about those situations where these behaviours are exposed, like in a school performance. A d I don't know how to bring it up with DD and how much she's aware of this. She's 6.

Read into autism, how it presents in girls, try to understand what she finds difficult and why she’s stimming and seek to fix those issues, not her behaviour. Your post reads sadly as if you are embarrassed by her.

Sorry it comes across that way. I'm just trying to understand what's happening as she is like a completely different child since Sept last year, from a lively, engaged child to total opposite in a matter of months. I don't know where to turn to and how can I help her as I do feel like she's struggling a bit but I don't know what's going on.

if She’s finding the classroom loud, is there a quiet space she can go to when she needs to? Does she have ear defenders?

I've read a lot on autism in girls and most of the things do not apply to her. I don't know whether she is masking so incredibly well most things or it's something else we need to look into.

We do know 2 girls with ASD and they are very different from DD (severe sensory issues with clothes/hair/teeth), poor sleeping, anxious about school, very inflexible, meltdowns etc.

The presentation of autism in girls can be very subtle, particularly in the early years. We had no idea until everything fell off a cliff when our DD was 13. The Autistic Girls Network website is a good resource for how girls present.

No, but I'll look into it. It has not impacted her learning so the teachers have not suggested that. In fact she's becoming louder herself now apparently.

It does sound like stimming.
But she could just be anxious, lots of kids dont like performing.
Often they get more comfortable. Or they are bored.

But you have saud about other sensory things too. But it could still be spd rather than asd.
Ive found some sensory stuff gets worse , some constant and some better

Teeth brushing and hair - constant
Suntan lotion/creams - constant
Socks --started at 7
Hats and gloves till 4
Sound - started at 8
Plasters - better by 3/4
Injections and nasal spray - worst around 6-8
Nail biting-- worst in reception and y1 where a lot of carpet time she really damaged fingers
Water on face ---until about 5

Thank you for sharing that.

She's is totally fine with everything you mentioned, apart from noise (seems to be the classroom only as she can be loud herself outisde school), she goes to loud softplays and parties and she loves it and joins in with the chaos.

She did use to bite her nails until about 4.5 yo. She's not done that since then.

@Schooldinner2 can a child be diagnosed with spd alone? I heard that it's usually diagnosed with ASD or ADHD.

Read through this thread OP: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4943667-autism-diagnosis-non-disruptive-child?reply=130786083

I spent many years relying on my DD’s apparent ‘success’ at school and overlooked individual flags similar to things you’re noticing about your DD. It’s really positive that she’s coping well with so much of school, but you lose nothing by getting some professionals to see if there are concerns.

Thank you for sharing this thread, I'll read through it. I've not seen it on MN before.

I've just had a quick chat with DDs teacher at pick up and said to her we are considering putting DD for an assessment and that I'll need some further detailed feedback from her. She said she'll wrote a report.

However, she said it's nothing worrying at the moment, she's doing great in the class but there are things to keep an eye on, she said it's almost like 'alternative processing' which describes perfectly DD.