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Original poster

To need time alone in the evenings during work trip away with colleagues

31 replies

WalesScot12 · 23/11/2023 07:16

I've a work trip away for 3 nights with 5 colleagues. They're busy, hectic days. Usually everyone is happy to eat in hotel that we stay in, and I'm happy with this as I can leave them drinking and just go up to my room when suits. I would describe myself as an introvert who needs a lot of time alone to recharge, especially after hectic days and I've spent all day with these people, who are colleagues, not friends.

Now, however, this time someone has suggested going out to different restaurants every evening to far side of the city where we'll be staying, which will involve taxis etc. I just don't want to do this and want to chill. Is this rude, or can anyone understand my need for downtime?

OP posts:
SwordBilledHummingbird · 23/11/2023 07:20

Entirely reasonable, I'd be the same!

Ilikewinter · 23/11/2023 07:25

100% reasonable, I wouldnt be surprised if others also feel the same, especially after the 1st night. I would politely excuse myself!

NigelHarmansNewWife · 23/11/2023 07:25

The difficulty with this plan comes when management have planned it. That makes it awkward to get out of. Suggest a drink in the hotel bar at the end of the day - not obligatory to have alcohol - then they can go off for dinner and you can eat in the hotel and chill out.

Fluffycloudsfloatinginthesky · 23/11/2023 07:27

Can you just dip out of one. I need my own space too so I will often do the first night and out and then make excuses for the next.

Soontobe60 · 23/11/2023 07:28

I’d go on the first night and develop a migraine for the next night!

Sceptre86 · 23/11/2023 07:29

I'd be the same but you need to speak up. Say that as the days are so hectic you'd rather chill out in the evenings so are happy to sit it out but hope they enjoy themselves. Do you guys pay for your own evening meals or do they go down as expenses? Who covers the travel? It sounds like someone just wants to use the time as a jolly at the company's expense. That isn't necessarily wrong but if you aren't up for it make it clear!

EversoDisorganised · 23/11/2023 07:32

I'm one of those who would think this a great idea but fully understand that some wouldn't, just say you need to make some calls and will be staying in the hotel that evening. Or that you need a bit of downtime after such busy days.

Rosecoffeecup · 23/11/2023 07:34

I would go on the first night and then duck out after that. Nothing wrong in saying you fancy a quiet evening instead.

HelpMeGetThrough · 23/11/2023 07:42

I travel for work and always avoid this with colleagues.

Regardless of if you are away for work, the evenings are yours to do as you please. I just tell colleagues I'm giving it a miss and having a quiet evening, doesn't matter if managers have arranged it.

My last trip a couple of weeks ago, I deliberately travelled later, as I knew I would get there when they were all out. Other times I've just booked into a different hotel.

walkingintothefuture · 23/11/2023 07:46

I'm an introvert and totally get it. I'm very sociable indeed but I need alone time to recharge. Just bow out gracefully. I'd say something like "that sounds great guys- you go. I need to relax/chill so will stay here- have fun!". Nothing wrong with that at all.

margotrose · 23/11/2023 07:46

In my experience it depends on the industry and the managers.

I've had some works events where attendance at all the evening stuff is pretty much compulsory, and others where you're free to go and do whatever you fancy.

HelpMeGetThrough · 23/11/2023 07:55

I've had some works events where attendance at all the evening stuff is pretty much compulsory,

Our directors tried that where I work. They only did it once, as HR told them to back off, as they can't tell staff what to do in their own time.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/11/2023 08:22

I left a job because of this. Everyone else was happy to get slaughtered on company funds.

I hated it,

Hiddenvoice · 23/11/2023 08:24

Sounds like a lovely idea on their part but I’m with you and would enjoy some quiet time in the evening.

You could always go to the first one and then for the rest just say, sounds like a great night but I’m going to stay here, have fun!

Original poster
WalesScot12 · 23/11/2023 08:30

Yes, that's what I'm thinking, to go for the first night only and bow out after that. Management are not involved

OP posts:
MyLadyTheKingsMother · 23/11/2023 08:33

This would be way too intense for me too op. When your with colleagues it's work, wether it's in working hours or not.

Some people are happy to socialise all day and night. I need my space.

No need to make a big deal of it. Just be an adult and say your bowing out of the evening meals but hope they have a lovely time. Done.

And if management say anything you tell them that as the days are hectic you need to rest in your time off the clock.

If they try to argue with that they are wrong.

AlisonDonut · 23/11/2023 08:33

When I was trying to get promoted and was in management I'd always be at these things, totally sober but just there for the - what we would call - gossip and other info about who was doing what [and to who]. I liked to know who was being disciplined, who was working with who and it all helped me to strategise for my own purposes. It also helped me get to know people who would then go on to promote me so it was worth it. Even if I was exhausted.

When I gave no shits, but was new to a team, I'd also go to find out about my new colleagues. After a while, I knew quite enough so would either just go with one or two people or just stay at the hotel.

I like a quick exit so I'd not be happy about taxis but that's just me. If you have no underlying reason to dine with them, then just give some excuses about having to make a call at 8:30 or some work that needs doing and stay in the hotel.

megletthesecond · 23/11/2023 08:40

Yanbu. I wouldn't do it.

Name235 · 23/11/2023 08:41

Be honest with them. Say yes to the meal but no to the carry on because you need some space to yourself.

margotrose · 23/11/2023 11:06

HelpMeGetThrough · 23/11/2023 07:55

I've had some works events where attendance at all the evening stuff is pretty much compulsory,

Our directors tried that where I work. They only did it once, as HR told them to back off, as they can't tell staff what to do in their own time.

Whether it's your own time (or not) depends on your contract and whether you're being paid, though.

HelpMeGetThrough · 23/11/2023 15:50

Whether it's your own time (or not) depends on your contract and whether you're being paid, though.

That goes without saying. If it's contractual, that will be different.

limefrog · 23/11/2023 16:09

Advocate for yourself. Just wish them well but say that you need to rest and recharge in the evenings.

Lengokengo · 23/11/2023 16:15

I had this when I was younger. A job with lots of travel, away 3 ( or sometimes 4) weeks in the month. I really struggled especially as I was a female 20 something, away with 2 or 3 men in their 40s or 50s.

i started studying to literally have an excuse ( sorry, got to write an essay ) etc. I would always do first and last night and have excuses for the other nights. Once I was away for 3 weeks too far away to home at weekends. I was expected to have weekends with them, so would meet for breakfast then had a sports program set up to avoid them. It was exhausting!

PinkRoses1245 · 23/11/2023 16:17

Of course that's normal -either suggest you stay in the hotel, or just don't go. I always have to keep on top of emails in evenings whilst on work trips, even if you don't, can you lie that you do? Or that you have to call a friend or family?

ThistletoeAndGrime · 23/11/2023 16:17

As others have said, I would go for the first night, try hard to enjoy it (or seem like I am) and then refuse the remaining on the basis that I am wiped out and am going to relax in my room.

But I understand totally , OP.