Please help me support dh and not fall apart

[Ikeatears]

My wonderful, strong, supportive dh had a heart attack at the weekend. He's had a stent fitted and came home yesterday with a barrel of medication. He's going to make an appointment with his gp today to discuss cardiac rehab going forward. This post is going sound selfish but it's about me and my response to everything. I'm posting here to not let it filter too much into rl.
Background, a few years ago, I had a huge breakdown, culminating in an overnight stay in a mh ward and a long recovery period. Dh was amazing but it inevitably put him under huge pressure.
My biggest (irrational at the time) fear was that he was going to have a heart attack. I was anxious about him all the time. Now, years on, it's happened.
I'm nagging him. I know I am. I'm watching his every move and treating him like a child. I keep trying to stop myself and then I fall back in to it. I keep bursting into tears. I genuinely can't stop them. I'm not a crier normally. I'm trying to hide it most of the time but sometimes can't help it. I feel so selfish.
Help me to help myself so that I can help him.
Please, any words of advice?

Take a breath, it's ok. having a stent fitted is the best thing that could have happened to him.
My DH had a heart attack at 42 and had a stent fitted. For months beforehand I kept saying he didn't look well and he needed to see the GP, which of course he ignored.

After the stent he recovered within days, I however took years!
I feared for him constantly, if he was late or I couldn't get hold of him, in my head he was dead somewhere!

In the end I was honest about my fears and he understood them. When he needed a second stent 10 years later he was ahead of the doctor, knowing his symptoms and insisting on a referral meant a heart attack was averted.

Be kind to yourself - don't underestimate how this impacts on you and when your DH has recovered be honest with him about your fears.

@JemOfAWoman thanks for your reply. I think the added complication is my mh history. I don't want to go down a worm hole. Or even if I'm not going down a worm hole and it's an ordinary response, I don't want dh to worry that I could be going down said worm hole. Does that even make sense?

Get yourself to the gp separately. Looks for support groups, pref in person but online too. Get out of rhe house every day for a walk or swim.

@Summerhillsquare yes, I considered the gp. I'm not sure what I'll be asking them to do though. I don't want to go down the medication route again and I'm not there anyway, or at least I don't think I am.
The problem is, I don't know where a normal response ends and poor mental health begins...

I feel so selfish :-(

You've had a huge shock. Of course this is hard on you. And some anxiety would be normal at this time whatever your history.

I think you need to try and resist the magical thinking that says this is the fulfilment of your fears back then and is trying to make you believe in some link or pattern. It's brutal coincidence, that's all. If he's following medical advice and not burying his head in the sand, he will be managing this appropriately, and will need the space to do so.

Take care of yourself.

Edited for clarity

Such very early days why not assess how you’re feeling in a couple of weeks when it’s not all so fresh in your mind.

I am sure there are support groups for partners of heart attack patients, British Heart Foundation is a great source.

I had a heart attack 3 years ago at 45, stress after my partner of 20 years died.
I’ve now got 3 stents. I feel great. I’ve stopped drinking, I’m much fitter and I’ve lost 25kg.
However my adult DD has a fear that because I live alone something is going to happen to me. She was in tears recently trying to explain her fears.
The problem of being at the receiving end of someone saying these things to you is that it is difficult to know what to say back, especially when you are the person that has had the heart attack and the stents. It’s difficult not to turn it around to make it about yourself as I had so much fear myself about was I going to survive, how will my life be in the future.
When I said these things to DD she got angry and accused me of not caring about her. So if you do express your fears expect your DH to maybe talk about how he felt and don’t get mad with him if he does turn it around to him. It is a massive life change and difficult to deal with. Every pain around the left arm and chest brings fear.
It is hard for everyone, big hugs to you.

Talk to your GP, you may not need medication but some kind of talking therapy should be available to you.
Your fears are justified and you will get through this but, as the saying goes "put your life jacket on first".

I believe that having MH problems means you are much more aware of yourself and can therefore get into a spiral of whataboutery. Find a way to calm this and you will cope, honestly 🤗

Thank you everyone. I'm reading and taking on board. I'm not sure I think this is fulfilment of my earlier fears, more that those fears will return tenfold if that makes sense?
We've had a chat (and a cry) this morning as we were both awake early and I've asked him what he wants from me and I'll try to fulfil that role. He said he doesn't want to become an extra child. He understands that I'm concerned and he knows he needs to reframe some of his thinking about how much he can and can't do over the next week or two and he'll try to. An example he gave is that I got up this morning and sorted all his meds. He said he's grateful for the help but that I can't just take over - he needs to be able to understand them and manage them himself. He's absolutely right.
I'm going to book myself an appointment too.